Husband lying!

bearacus

I have just found out that my husband has a £5000 lloyds loan from 2006 i did not know about and for last year hasnt paid towards it!!! GREAT!
He didnt tell me... a letter from lloyds did.

we have been married a year but together 6.5 since i was 17. Since our marriage I feel like i have just accumulated his debts and feel sick about it.
I know compared to others they are not vast (just credit cards with no more than £500 each on and big car loan and argos card) but its the lying that hurts, not the money he owes.
since getting married i have conciously put all our efforts into making payments to his debts with his wages.
I make sure money goes to everyone we owe, even if its only the minimum.

Its just that I thought we were in this together ... but obviously not!
Ive sacrificed a lot and im really wrong to expect a 32 year old man to step up to the mark and take responsability for his actions

Any advice welcomex

catspaw

ok, lets take this a step at a time.
First: cup of coffee/tea and take a deep breath.
2nd: how did you find out? was it a letter addressed to both of you?
3rd: what has your husband said?

Lipstick99

You need to sit him down and have a chat.... his mess is impacting on your life together. Take his bank card off him and only deal in cash.... he has to learn.

Good luck. Its the not facing up to responsibilities that hurts....

bluejeans

I do feel for you and how you must feel betrayed and hurt. It was the othe way round for me, It was me in debt. I wanted to tell but I just could not bring myself to do it. I felt shame and embarrasment. Although I do not condone what your partner has done, I do know a little of how he may be feeling too. When all came to all, my DH was a star, he was there for me and I share everything now.

sp1987

He was hiding it from himself as much as he was hiding it from you. Was he in denial? Do you know why he has not paid it for the last year? Were all his funds tied up paying these other debts and he felt he never found the right time to tell you about this extra £5000? Try to find out exactly why you were not told, he may be one of these people who just assumed he was paying for this one too.

Either way, it is his debt, and he needs to get it under control. He needs to know that you need to be able to trust him in order to help him and for that he needs to be completely honest and open. You need to give him an opportunity to tell you anything like this in case their is another debt hidden somewhere so it is all out in the open.

ladybez

I know exactly how you feel, its the dishonesty that really hurts rather than the fact he is in debt. You need to sit down with him and explain how this has made you feel and agree a plan of action from here on in. There will always be someone on here for advise and support. Good luck and hugs

bearacus

Thanx for the replies everyone.

I ll answer all the questions now.

He used to have a lloyds bank account before we were married, when we got married he started to put his £ into my account which then became our joint account HSBC.
I knew he had a small overdraft on his lloyds account but assumed he had cleared it when he changed account (He hasnt.... More new info i found out today... and a small £500 overdraft is now a £1500 coz hes been getting charged and hasnt been paying it off)

The lloyds loan he took out in sept06 and paid till 08 by direct debit from lloyds account. I assume when he changed accounts he just stopped paying it because i would find out about it going out of our joint account.

So there is a balance of 3,500 to pay of the loan and the overdraft of 1500 ish.

We have recently had to move back in with his parents from a rented property and i assume he didnt change his address with lloyds and the letters have been coming to his parents. hence why i didnt know.

The letter came this morning is due to the new credit law that they have to send regular statements to customers with loans. The letter was addressed to my husband but i open all our mail with his permission. I just assumed it was a letter trying to sell us stuff since he used to have an account with them.

The thing is we can afford to make regular payments???? If he had just told me!
I spoke to him (hes in work) and he denied it at first and then told me about it.
He said he didnt want me to see he had another debt and for me to thinks bad of him because he isnt giving me the lifestyle he wants to!!
He said he thought i would call it a day if i found out about another debt!

I just wish he hadnt lied!!

dancingfairy

Hi. Just a suggestion but I would get him to get a copy of his credit record from the main agencies (at least the main 2 if not all 3) so he and you can be sure that it is all out in the open.
Can only suggest that you have a chat and let him know how hurt and angry you are and that it is not the debt but more the lying that hurts.
Best of Luck
df

Katy_M_2

Hello there

Sorry to hear about your situation and that you are feeling betrayed and disappointed with hubby.

Being lied to does really hurt and I'm not condoning it, and I would feel exactly the same as you do if I were in your shoes.

However, stupid and incorrect as they may be, he thought he was lying to you for the right reasons. You must remember that men are incredibly stupid . I know a few people that are keeping their OH's in the dark about their financial situation, all of them are scared to death of the reaction they would get if the other person knew about their debts. In reality, like yourself, if the other person was aware, and they were in a genuinely loving relationship, they may be annoyed, but they would also be prepared to do everything they could to help - as you are.

So don't let this cause problems between you and your hubby, he will feel stupid enough already. Just sit down with him and work out how you're going to resolve it, without getting too narky with him. This way, he will realise how he should have just trusted you and confided in you,. then in the future he will know to be more open with you and not fear your response.

I know it's hard when someone has lied to you about something, but just remember his motives for doing so were correct in his head.

Ok I'm stopping now as am feeling like Jerry Springer!

Hope you get it all sorted! :cool: