Disassociate Financially from Spouse?

Miss_Poohs

How do I disassociate from my husband financially?

I am fed up banging my head against a brick wall trying to get him to face up to his financial misdemeanors.

He is thousands and thousands of £s in debt, and treats it all very casually, although I know he worries, he refuses to share this with me.

I want us to be together for myself and our son, but I now have to face up to the fact I must protect myself.

We're in Scotland, he already has a DAS running, all his debts are in his name, and I'm currently looking into moving the mortgage into my name, as I can't risk loosing my home.

How do I go about this?

coolcait

I'd strongly recommend you get some legal advice on this.

Moving the mortgage into your name will give you all the fnancial responsibility, but your OH will still be joint owner. You'd have to change the Title to the property too in order to make you sole owner.

But if your OH goes bankrupt within five years of you transferring Title to your sole name, that could be seen as a 'gratuitous alienation', and his Trustee could take legal action to have the transfer of Title overturned.

There are a lot of potential pitfalls in there, so you do really need to get some specialist advice.

good luck.

Miss_Poohs

Thanks CC - I'd deffo explore the possibility of him going bankrupt if he'd consider it but he wont.

The thing that really hacks me off is that before we met I had a property I owned in my own name with no mortgage, it was paid off in 1994.

We married in 1997 and in 1998/9 I put both names on the title.

We sold that property a couple of years ago and put all the equity into buying a place we choose together.

He didn't contribute to my previous mortgage, and he didnt improve it either, I'd already done all that myself.

Why should I now sit back and watch all the money I invested be poured into his debts that up until 15 months ago I new nothing about? I didn't benefit from any of his spending, nor was I aware of it. He didn't pay any of the previous mortgage and to be honest the little thats left over from his salary now doesn't pay this one either. I have to work to keep this place going.

If he's not going to go bankrupt, and I would be willing to support him if he did, he's not going to snatch my investment from me and our son to pay of these debts.

For this reason I plan to have the mortgage and title put into my name, with a reflection in my will that will state if I die before him he can continue to to live in the property, but all title will pass to our son once he reaches the age of 18.

I simply don't trust him with money and I won't let him rob our son of any inheritance, (not that its a vast amount).

Is that so wrong?

Miss_Poohs

Jist changing the title - as I'm feeling particularly pee'd off with my lot right now.

I'm so angry with DHs so called "little financial glitch!!"

I feel like everything I've knocked my pan in to achieve is just going to be flushed down the pan, and theres naff all I can do to protect myself. :mad:

coolcait

Hiya Ms Poohs

I can totally appreciate why you feel like this - the past 15 months have not been easy for you .

I guess it must feel at times that every idea you come up with gets shot down. I know I don't mean it that way, and I'm sure others don't either. It's just that there are so many pitfalls - whatever way you think of taking.

That's why I really think that you would benefit from taking some advice for you, about your situation.

I don't think that there will be any easy or obvious answers because, IMO, there rarely are for the partners of the person who is in debt. Like you say, you knock your pan in, and then have to live with the threat of it all going down the pan - and there's nothing you can do about it, because the threat comes from debts which are not yours. All of the decisions lie with your partner.

But, if you get the chance to talk through your situation and your options with a lawyer, or CAb or Welfare Rights etc, that will give you the chance to weigh everything up, and decide what's best for you - knowing all the risks and advantages involved in each option.

If nothing else, it will give you the chance to feel that you do have choices, and that you can do something about the situation.

I know that, right now, while you're angry, you might be more tempted to get advice just for you. But please think about it seriously even when you're a bit calmer, and maybe have second thoughts. An independent view, based on what's right for you and your son, is just as important as any other.

I've highlighted the words you and your a lot in this message, and that might make you feel that I'm encourging you to be selfish. Well, I think there are times when people do have to consider what the outcomes might be for them, and feel the need to look at what their options are. I don't necessarily think that's 'selfish'.

More importantly though, you and your also covers suggestions which might help you and your son.

(I'll step away from the bold button now:o)

Good luck with it all - and please don't forget to look after youself.

Cait x

Miss_Poohs

Thank you Cait I really appericiate your replies.

I think I've already made up my mind and I'm going to change the house into my name anyway.

I've had advice until it's coming out of my ears, but it all come down to "what my DH want to do" and he's doing nothing.

If it wasn't for me he'd never have gotten any advise at all. It was me that contacted Welfare Rights. It was me that hacked and bumbled my through our finances to be able for him to pay the flippen DAS.

If he went BR it would mean we'd lose our home because of the equity in it, in the region of £50,000, granted they'd only get half of that, but you know what? I'd be willing to do that, if it meant we could eventually have a life, but he won't.

He won't go BR - and I know why, he jointly owns his mothers house. She's in her 80s, and not in the best of health, and basically (and I know this sounds offensive) he's waiting for her to die to get his hands on the money tied up in that house!!

If he goes BR and she dies he loses the money to his creditors - but hey wait a minute - what about my house? If she holds on and on and on - I lose my house - do you see why I'm so angry?

He can't lose!!!

Knowing the way he is, I wouldn't rule it out in the future for someone to come and MAKE him bankrupt, but I can't just sit here and wait for the bomb to drop.

He might make to the 5yr point, he might not.

His mum is sitting in his other house totally unaware of the scale of the predicament she's in. I don't like her, but I've tried to help there too, but thats a brick wall, as that house isn't mine. He has a loan secured on the house too, but hey ho.................

I'm afraid I've got to the stage where I've been backed into a corner, and I've been left with no other choice but to come out fighting.

I don't think it really matters what we do now I'm going to lose out big time, but hey if he can be so utterly selfish, so can I.

What ever I do there are going to be consequences.

larzie30

Miss Poohs

I have every sympathy for your situation. I have been forced into bankruptcy by my ex husbands financial behavior and its dreadful. It seems that the financial institutions are protected from this but we as individuals are not. I cannot echo what the others have said enough though. Go to see the CAB or a solicitor on your own to find out what your options are, now is the time to protect yourself and as they say knowledge is power.

iquit

Hi MP, sorry to hear about your predicament. I don't know how you can get out of it but I found debtdivas.co.uk very helpful, you could give them a try. All the best.

Miss_Poohs

I've went to see a solicitor, perhaps about 1yr ago, but all he suggested was we start divorce proceedings - call be stupid (OK Stupid ) but I don't want a divorce........ yet.

He told me - that I can not be held responsible for my OH debts duhhhh I already knew that, and that was it.

I know I'm doing nothing wrong putting the house into my name so long as he doesn't go b/r - it's if he goes b/r that the stinky stuff will hit the fan, but he won't do that anyway - because he wants to to get his greedy little cadgers mitts on the money held in his other house.

I was under the impression (probably wrongly) that in Scotland anyway, you left a marriage with what you took into it. Well I went into this marriage with a mortgage free property worth about £80,000.

Maybe I will go see a solicitor again, but I know it'll be "sit down, talk to him", I have talked to him until I'm blue in the face and it isn't making one blind bit of a difference. Other than saying I'm not intrested in what options he has, how do I protect me, my son and our home.