Dad picking and choosing!!!

princesspea_2

Please help!!!
I got divorced about 2 years ago, my husband and i both lived together in York, however when i got pregnant we decided to relocate to Birmingham to be near my family. Initially my hasband said he was going to stay in the area to be near to our daughter, he since met someone else and has got her pregnant. He has moved back home because of this. We agareed at the time that he was happy tollect and drop off our daughter every other weekend as he is a rep in the midlands anyway.

He has since become increasingly asbusive towrds me and rude. He last week picked my daughter up as he was having her for the week in the school holidays, two days after collecting her he decided that if i wanted her to come home i had to go and collect her myself!!!!! This would mean us missing a family holiday as iwould have to collect her on the day we were leaving due to my work commitments. This is the 3rd time he has done this and i have had to make arrangements to collect her.

I want to stop access until something is agreed, he is now saying he will stop and maintenance payments in order to take me to court???

Can he do this, does the child arrangements made on divorce mean nothing?? I'm at a complete loss as to what to do????????

Can anyone help???

kelloggs36

Do you have a CSA case in force?

kelloggs36

Is there any child contact agreement in force made through the courts?

moneysavermum_2

the court looks at finances seperate to child contact, ludicrious I know!!! I would stand my ground and go through csa if he gets awkward about maintenance but dont go and collect her again. If he cant be reasonable then he will have to go to court to see his daughter.

Blob

If you stop contact for no good reason, and from what you sat that is not a good reason, then the Court will find in his favour. The Courts are takeing a harder line on mothers that just up and stop coontact, as it is deemed that it is in the childs intrest to have contact with both parents. This is not a point that is open to negociation and is stated in Law!

Would suggest that you try mediation, but don't take action off your own bat, my ex did just that and opened the gates of Hell. She up till then, had Public Funding for her legal costs, this was then revoked and she had to pay it all back from before she started to make it up as she went along.

She also got told a few home truths by the Judge and had contact re instated against her will!

kelloggs36

If there is no court order then she is not doing anything wrong - either could apply to the courts for a defined contact order.

chriszzz

He can do whatever he wants!!! but he will have to face the consequences!!.
He has the legal responsibility to make arrangements to pick up and drop of his daughter, that is not your responsibility.
As for stopping contact, i don't always think that is a good idea, you just have to be firm with him and put the owness back onto him by telling him that he will have to tell your daughter why he cant see her and that's because he is not willing to pick her up or drop her off, otherwise if you take it upon yrself then it can be seen that you are not being reasonable.
If your maintenance is a private agreement then he can stop it at any time, but he will have to pay back arrears in the future. If you are receiving maintenance through csa then he will have a hard job to stop it.
I think its always best to try and do payments without csa but if he is threatening to stop paying then i think csa is the best option.

tanith

I knew someone who's ex lived miles away and a similar situation evolved in the end she took it to court and the judge decided in his wisdom that as the needs of the child to see the absent parent were paramount the parents should share the travelling meaning that each had to do one part of the journey.. Dad collected from Mum and Mum then had to travel to the Dad to pick up... mad I thought... but I suppose there is some sense in there somewhere..

DUTR

tanith wrote: »

I knew someone who's ex lived miles away and a similar situation evolved in the end she took it to court and the judge decided in his wisdom that as the needs of the child to see the absent parent were paramount the parents should share the travelling meaning that each had to do one part of the journey.. Dad collected from Mum and Mum then had to travel to the Dad to pick up... mad I thought... but I suppose there is some sense in there somewhere..

Does not sound mad to me, both parties are sharing the travelling that way.

Viper_7

Yes, both parents should share the costs. however most mothers think it is their God given right for the Father to do all the running around and pay the maintenance.
Depending on the circumstances - ie if there has been no abuse etc, your daughter is also Entitled to spend at least double the time with the father than is currently happening.

If you stop access, it will go against you in court big time.
He could stop the maintenance - but then yes you go to the CSA. It would take some time but you'd get it back and the arreas.

This is about your Daughter anyway and her rights, not trying to get one up on the other.
Mediation might help in these circumstances.