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I want a puppy - hubby doesn't.... can I change his mind? EDIT: HE HAS!!

edited 29 August 2009 at 7:21AM in Pets & pet care
102 replies 6.2K views
blue_monkey_2blue_monkey_2 Forumite
11.4K Posts
edited 29 August 2009 at 7:21AM in Pets & pet care
Having decided that I am 'done' with the kids I really would love to get a puppy. I have considered rehoming (and will still look at this) but I think a puppy would be better for us. I just feel the time is now right, we have a house with a 150ft garden and I am in all day so the dog would rarely be left alone, we do not go out a huge amount and rarely have visitors that hate dogs. I am in the house a lot on my own, the kids are at school and I just feel I would like 'someone' around the house with me.

We live somewhere that there are lots of places to walk and exercise the dogs, I have friends that have dogs too and I feel that the walking would mean both my husband and I would get some regular exercise. We also have 2 children - a DD of 6 and a DS of 5 who has autism (this is why I think a puppy would be better as it would adapt to him and his behaviour) he loves playing with my friends dog, in fact he will spend HOURS throwing a ball for the dog and when we helped walk it when she was on holiday he was brilliant when walking and stayed with me when usually he would be running off and needs restraining. My friend actually told me that on the odd occassion she looks after him he just spends the whole time with the dog. DD was afraid of dogs until recently but my neighbours dog is so nice she is now at a place where we could consider it.

I also have 2 cats so I feel a puppy would get used to the cats rather than it be one that has not had contact with cats for a long time.

However, I've never had a dog before so this would all be new to me so please feel free to set me right on things!!

However, my husband says no. When I asked why he said that a puppy was fine 'until it grew up to eb a pain in the @se' but I cannot see how if it is trained and bought up properly. Surely a dog would be like any member of the family, and they need boudaries. He spent his entire childhood having a dog in the house so maybe he knows better than me. This is the only reason he gives.

I am writing this thinking, OK, we will not get a dog because he says no, but what about mine and the kids thoughts? Do they not count for anything? Am I selfish for thinking that way? I am not expecting him to walk the dog, it is certainly something the kids and I can do together if need be, I do however think that it will get us all out in the fresh air some more and we will all benefit as a family. We never really go out anywhere (and I mean anywhere) because of DS condition. We might go to a theme park but these will be closed for the winter soon. Also, my neighbours or several my friends will be happy to look after the dog if we ever go away. This is something I have already thought of.

I wondered what other people's thoughts on this were, short of dragging him up to Wood Green and begging can I convince him otherwise? I do need a short haired dog because I am allergic to dogs with long hair (my DD possibly is too), I've longed for a staffy for a long time so maybe now is the time to consider, I know they are gentle dogs but is it wise to get a staffy with their bad repuation at the moment?

IF I can convince my hubby that this is right for all of us just where do I go to ensure I do not get stung by a dodgy dealer or someone who 'farms' puppies, I read about this in the local paper but there is nothing advertised for puppies at all in this area.

Thanks for your thoughts and advice.

I've edited the title, he has said we can have one!!! :T
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Replies

  • Hiya, overall you sound great & certainly like it'd help your Son, however you cannot & should not take any Pup or Dog on unless your Hubby *genuinely* wants it 100% too. You say you'll walk it, but what if you're ill or he's not home to have the kids while you do? (Kids may not want to walk 2hrs a day for a Staffy in all weathers!)
    I despise Staffy breeders so if you want a Staff would urge you to use a Rescue, they will have many many Staffs & Staff x's from Pups (Pregnant b!tch brought in, gives birth in Rescue) to oldies. Personally I don't know why anyone is breeding at the moment & hope if your Hubby comes round you pick a Rescue!

    You'll need to be home all the time if you get a Pup as it will need out every 30-60 minutes, also if it's weeing everywhere you'd need to cope with that & kids, can you be 100% sure you'd never have to leave the kids alone with it? (Say one calls you from another room, can you leave the other child & Pup of whatever breed seperate?)

    They need a good insurance policy & food, lots of walks though pups not so much, training classes, worming & flea treatments, neutering, vaccinations etc mine costs me over £70 a month, will you have enough spare if you get an emergency Vet bill for £1,000? (Most Vet's like you to claim from the insurer after you've paid)

    Can you be 100% sure the kids won't ride it/pull it's ears/take it's food? What if a pup grows up to hate kids? Some do despite their parents & training! Personally if I had kids too i'd be exhausted the Dog takes up so much time what with Hydrotherapy, 2hrs of walks, training, grooming etc

    Don't worry if you got an older dog, many rescues will have their dogs in foster homes living with cats, my Rescue Staffy is great with my Cat & there's been no incidents at all. You'd probably be better with an older rescue as it will have a history normally + it'll have been behavioural assessed

    A Pup will be like a newborn baby but probably more demanding!
  • However, my husband says no. When I asked why he said that a puppy was fine 'until it grew up to eb a pain in the @se' but I cannot see how if it is trained and bought up properly. Surely a dog would be like any member of the family, and they need boudaries. He spent his entire childhood having a dog in the house so maybe he knows better than me. This is the only reason he gives.

    I would not advise it to be honest - having a puppy, which will poop on your carpets, chew things and need continual attention and will be very hard work (it's all par for the course of owning a pup!) is not likely to go down too well!

    If anything, an older, ready house-trained, steady dog is far less likely to be a pain in the !!!!, but they are still a massive responsibility. My rescue dog has never once messed in the house, or chewed, but I have to consider how long I will be out, letting her out for wees, walks etc, and of course, spontaneous evenings out or weekends away are not possible with a dog.

    I suppose what I am saying is that they are hard work, and you need to go into it with your eyes open and prepared to take the downsides as well as the upsides of dog ownership, and you both need to be realistic and ok with this - they all cause some grief/worry/expense/inconvenience at some point!

    However, if he changes his mind, due to the current financial climate, there is no shortage of lovely steady staffies in rescues to choose from!
  • I would not advise it to be honest - having a puppy, which will poop on your carpets, chew things and need continual attention and will be very hard work (it's all par for the course of owning a pup!) is not likely to go down too well!

    If anything, an older, ready house-trained, steady dog is far less likely to be a pain in the !!!!, but they are still a massive responsibility. My rescue dog has never once messed in the house, or chewed, but I have to consider how long I will be out, letting her out for wees, walks etc, and of course, spontaneous evenings out or weekends away are not possible with a dog.

    I suppose what I am saying is that they are hard work, and you need to go into it with your eyes open and prepared to take the downsides as well as the upsides of dog ownership, and you both need to be realistic and ok with this - they all cause some grief/worry/expense/inconvenience at some point!

    However, if he changes his mind, due to the current financial climate, there is no shortage of lovely steady staffies in rescues to choose from!

    Now now not all scoff jam jars glass & all lol
  • Humphrey10Humphrey10 Forumite
    1.9K Posts
    Forumite
    A puppy wouldn't grow up to be a pain in the bum, if anything they would get less annoying as they grew up (once they are past the 'teenage' stage!).

    If you want a staffy you can probably find a youngish one at any rescue centre, a lot get abandoned. You can ask for one with a known history (so you know if its good with childre, not been used for fighting, etc). Also, if you get a rescue, you can take your family to meet it first to see how they all get on.

    If you are allergic to dogs a poodle or labradoodle or something like that might be better? Or do you know for sure a staffy will be ok?

    From what I've read, some children with autism can benefit quite a lot from having a dog, there are organisations that train dogs for this purpose:
    http://www.dogsforthedisabled.org/partnerships/AutismAssistanceDogs/
    http://www.support-dogs.org.uk/AADogs.htm
    those are about specially trained dogs though, not just pets. A pet dog could still help by being a companion I would think.

    Re: the reputation of staffys, I wouldn't worry really. Just don't cut off its tail and put it in a studded leather collar!
  • Thanks for being honest with me, it is appreciated, I need to know what I am doing.

    Being honest we have nothing of value because of my son, apart from my rug which I am happy to roll back until he/she is housetrained. As I say, I did think of a rescue first of as we are not that far from Wood Green but their websites all say 'no children' - not only on their staffs but with most other dogs too - same can be said of the RSPCA and Blue Cross, we have no PDSA near us.

    I know I have a lot to think about. I did think a puppy would learn more tolerance than a dog who might already be set in it's ways - would I be wrong?

    The money is not an issue, I've just cancelled my gym membership because I never had time to go and that is £70 a month. I understand about the vets fees too - paying this money would not be a problem either.

    I personally would love to give a shelter dog a home and I do understand puppys are hard to come by in shelters.

    On the face of it, I think that I covered everything and wanted to be sure I suppose but at the moment hubby is not budging so I guess it is a no-no. Thanks for your honesty. Maybe he will change his mind over time when he has time to think about things.
  • LOL H, I was intending on buying it a pink waistcoat.... but seriously, my MIL used to have a staff and I was fine with her allergy wise but it has been a while. To be honest I did think I would visit first and see how I went, if I am going to have a reaction it will be quick so I'll know, likewise with DD. Because of how my son is I do not really leave him alone with anyone - even DD, LOL, but I do totally understand what you mean.

    OMG. I have just asked DH if we can ever have a dog and he has said 'well yes OK - but as long as you clear up it's poo'....... is it too early to get excited.....???? I do already clear up the garden after the cats (some of it not from our cats) and I have no problem doing that. I know there is a lot to think about.

    I shall keep you posted!!
  • devoteedevotee Forumite
    881 Posts
    I'm confused how you're allergic to dogs with long hair as normally people are allergic to dander. My dog is a long haired breed but I keep it fairly short and he's a non shedding breed with low dander and doesn't smell "doggy". Bichon/poodle type dogs are recommended for allergy sufferers.
  • Humphrey10Humphrey10 Forumite
    1.9K Posts
    Forumite
    Sounds good re: what your DH said!

    I think they say 'no children' when they aren't sure if the dog is ok with children. It'd be too much of a risk if they said it was ok with children if they weren't sure, I suppose. For my dog, they said 'no children' and 'no other dogs', but she's fine with both.

    By the way - I see people saying DD, DS, DH, I'm guessing these mean daughter, son, husband repectivly? if so, what does the 'D' stand for?
  • Humphrey - the D stands for dear, dear husband etc, took me a while to learn it too!

    Blue-monkey - I wanted a dog for ages to and my hubby kept saying no. He changed his mind a couple of months ago and I got my lovely puppy. I also chose a puppy because I've got cats that I didn't want to upset. They are almost fine with her. However a friend with cats got a one year old dog from a rescue and her dog is at the same stage of acceptance with her cats so maybe the puppy option is not always the best one there. I do have to add that its very true, puppies are very hard work! Hope this helps!
    Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Soreen Kierkegaard 1854.
  • Morning everyone. In regard to the allergies I am not sure but from experience I've not been able to tolerate long hair and with it being on the bedding, carpet etc... it affects me more, I have been fine with short hair dogs to date. It is something I want to check though.

    I think that makes sense about the dogs though, that they want to cover themselves. I never thought of it that way.

    We have a wedding in 5 weeks time and we have to stay overnight so I'll not be looking before then, it would not be fair on a dog to leave it so soon but after October the earliest we intend on going away is next April - and that is only a possibility. I've been thinking that the holidays we take in the UK mean we could take the dog with us too, we would have to look for dog friendly places that is all.

    I am still in shock that he agreed, I think posting on here made me question as to whether it would be an actual possibility rather than just saying 'can we, can we'.

    I think I am ready for the work. There is dog obedience classes in the village that are supposed to be very good and they also have fly-ball sessions, that any dog can attend, on the village green every weekend.

    Can someone point me in the right direction for good info about breeds of dogs so I can have a read into things more and make sure we find the dog that is right for us. Thanks.
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