A stupid argument

ispentbigtime

this is my first post so be gentle with me , not even sure if i am putting it it the right bit.
we was earning reasonably well until ill health caused some problem but another story.
After the initial shock of being in debt we havent really argued about money until last night and now i have the hump cause i think he is being unreasonable

You could blame my Nan really as she started the whole thing when she sent me a couple of Sudoko books for my birthday , so having really enjoyed the challenge i treated myself to another couple ( prolly spent £3.50)
anyway Oh commmented on the books and how i didnt need to buy them, which I probably didnt as i look after old folk and they sometimes save them out of the paper for me (sorry waffling) so i just said its my hobby I havent complained about the money you spend going to judo twice a week (120 miles) and it has escalated from there really and now we arent speaking
,
I mean surely people have hobbies when they are in debt i get books from the library and watch the F1 and enjoy walking the dog other than that i dont really have a hobby(except mainting my car myself) I have 2 jobs on average i work 50 hrs a week aswell as looking after home and children

So Have i been unreasonable ?

LookingAhead

No - from what you have said you have been far from unreasonable! Of course we were not party to the argument and we only know your side but if you are maintaining a car yourself and working 50 hours a week and you really don't spend money on anything else....then £3.50 on a couple of sudoko books isn't really worth raising an eyebow at in my humble opinion.

I hope you guys start talking soon. If you haven't really argued about being in debt maybe this was the catalyst to get things going.....you probably do need to "talk" about your plans to get out of it.....but arguing and apportioning blame gets nobody anywhere....

Good luck and keep coming back to the Forum for tips, support & advice.

calleyw

No I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I think you need hobbies debt or no debt. As long as they are not pushing you further in to debt.

Which I would say £3.50 is not. But going to Judo is costing a lot more by the time you factor in fuel. So I really don't think he has leg to stand on.

I mean if you where down the pub everyday spending lots of money. I think he might have cause for concern.

It was a petty argument that seemed to get out of control. I mean I could moan about my husband hobby which is Archery. It cost £55 every year just for membership. He spent a £100 on a bow and arrows etc when he started. Then a min of £5 for every competition excluding petrol entered. Then in the winter they pratice indoors and that cost £8 once a month. So as you see it add up every year.

At least the bow will last a few years :rotfl:

Everyone needs hobbies other wise you go a bit mad.


Yours


Calley

jobbingmusician

It doesn't sound to me as if you are being unreasonable. You do need hobbies.

Having said that, if I were you I would print out free puzzles from http://www.websudoku.com/ and spend the £3.50 on something else nice for yourself

southernscouser

Sorry, I'm assuming your female.

If so, then yes you are being unreasonable!

I'm only kidding. Thats not unreasonable at all. Like you say he does 160 miles a week for judo. How much does that cost in petrol alone? I don't even do that many miles commuting to work and back!

dippy-dora_2

He's being unreasonable making you feel guilty for treating yourself (and we all need treats along the way!)

i had similar but with magazines, I got "why do I need to buy so many magazines?" all the time, so i stopped buying them altogether as I was made to feel i didn't deserve them!
You buy your sudoka mags and enjoy them, you could be into something a lot more expensive and if it's your personal treat money then treat yourself!

Is there nothing he buys for himself that he could live without? If so say the same to him about that and see what he says to that.

dippy-dora_2

ps at least while you're not speaking to him it gives you more time for your suduko

good luck with it really, I'm sure you'll be speaking soon - petty arguments usually pass and then there's another one to look forward to !!

nabowla

I have a sneaking feeling that the root of this argument lies in your husband's underlying worries about the debt - you know how men pick on a small thing when really they're trying to say "I'm worried and don't know what to do"!!!

Have you both sat down and drawn up an SOA yet? Do you have a monthly budget and repayment plan to tackle your debts or are you still at the 'Oh my God' stage? If you haven't done this yet, sit down over the weekend and go through everything. You'll then be in a good position to come up with a solid plan that should help your husband not to panic quite so much. You can get a lot of advice on your plan from other DFWs. Don't forget to include a small amount for each of you to spend on hobbies - say £3 per week each. Agree that each of you can spend your hobby money on whatever you want with no criticism from the other. If he wants to spend it on petrol to get to judo, that's his choice. If you want to spend your money on Sudoku books, that's your choice. The money has been factored into your budget and you both feel more in control. It should help lessen the arguments somewhat.

Debt_Free_Chick

Whether or not OH is being reasonable, depends on the slack you have in your budget. Where did this money come from? Do you have a budget for your respective hobbies?

If this amount wasn't budgetted for, then I think he has a valid point as you will have to cut out £3.50 on something else e.g. food :eek:

It might not sound a lot, but add it up over the year. And add on any other expenditure that isn't in your budget. You can then see how people have difficulty getting out of debt.

There are plenty of free sudoku puzzles you can print out off the internet - did you know? :j

Here's some to get you started

Daily Sudoku

You and your OH need to have a budget that you both agree to it. If you can manage an amount for hobbies, then that's fine. Otherwise, you'll need to try and find free ways of pursuing your hobby and some of the other MSE boards can probably help with that.

Kevicho

i think you are both entitled to some "spending money" each week, so if thats how you choose to occupy yourself then he has no right to moan.

You could always flip it around and say you could go out boozing instead and spend 20 times that