Taken out loan for someone else...

sarahxcore

this is a bit of a sensitive situation, and i'm not really sure what to do, just looking for some advice really...

my boyfriend's father has a lot of trouble with debt - however, he does not tell anyone, not even his wife the full extent of it. i know that he has had a house repossed in the past, has overdrafts, and in the three years that i've known my boyfriend, has been taken to court by the mortgage lenders/threatened with eviction around five or six times, each time he has escaped by borrowing money off his brothers and sisters, his mom, scary debt consolidation companies, and also by getting my boyfriend to take out a loan for him, as he can't get credit himself. he also asked my boyfriend's brothers to take out loans, but they have both refused.

over the weekend he phoned my boyfriend to tell him that he has to pay approx. £2,500 by wednesday or lose the house, and asked my boyfriend to take out another loan for him. he still has around £3000 left on the previous loan my boyfriend too out, and does make the monthly repayments, but is often late and my boyfriend has to cover them out of savings.

i personally think my boyfriend's father should go bankrupt, or at least lose the house. we're guessing he owes around £20k altogether, but as he won't let anyone see bank statements or talk about it, we're not sure. however, obviously this will affect the loan my boyfriend took out.

i guess really, i'm just very worried, and asking for some advice about this situation! if my boyfriend's dad did go bankrupt, would he still have enough money left to make repayments to my boyfriend, or does all your money get monitered in repayment plans and the like? what would you do in this situation?

apologies if this isn't in the right board, wasn't really sure where to put it!

JoJoB

Gosh, what a horrible situation to be in. As you well know it would just be throwing good money after bad if your boyfriend takes out another loan so please don't do that out of a misguided sense of duty. If he won't let your boyfriend know the extent of his financial difficulties then he cannot seriously expect him to lend him the money.

One way round it may be to say that you tried to get a loan yourselves a couple of weeks ago and were turned down. Then your bf could explain to his dad that there is help out there and a number of different options that could work for him without him losing the house. An IVA (where a reduced monthly sum is paid for 6 years then the rest of the debt written off - there will be some equity taken from the house after 6 years). Or a debt management plan through payplan or cccs whereby you pay a reduced sum until the entire debt is paid off (but creditors usually agree to freeze interest and stop charges).

If he has been defaulting on his mortgage or secured loans and left it right till the last minute then things get a bit more complicated, but there are still so many agencies to guide him through it and find a solution. The CAB have specialist debt advisers who would be able to help. Does he have a court hearing re eviction over mortgage defaults? Is that why he needs the money so quickly?

I think your boyfriend needs to go see his dad very quickly and not put up with any evasiveness and stress that complete honesty and openness is the only way forward with this situation. Older people definitely feel more shame/stigma about being in financial difficulties and don't often don't realise there are options other than believing the bullying demand letters/phonecalls he may be getting.

The best board would be the debt-free wannabee board which has lots of advice and people going through exactly the same thing.

[Deleted User]

That sounds like a terrible and stressful situation for you to be in. I agree completly with JoJoB that you should not take out anymore loans to try and help him.

I think that your boyfriend shuold go and speak with him and say that he will do his best to help him (go to CAB etc with him if he wants support) but also that he needs to disclose all of the debt he has and the details (how late payments are etc) as if he is struggling so much it might be that he stops paying of the loan currently in your boyfriends name - leaving him to deal with it. Given that your b-friend has done this for him then I think he has a right to know what he has gotten himself into. Although if he is not ready to face his debt this might be difficult - but helping him to confront his debt may be the best help your b-friend could ever give him.

Is your b-friend a guarantor on the loan or is it completly in his name only? If I have understood correctly, that it is in your b-friends name only, then it is your boyfriends debt/loan - not his dad's.

sarahxcore

Thank you for the replies!

the loan is entirely in my boyfriend's name, in fact when getting it he said it was for a car!

i think that his dad really does need help, but it is so hard to get him to face up to it. he doesn't want to speak about any of it, refuses to talk about ti at all. my boyfriend's mom has no bank account or card of her own even, all her wages get paid into the dad's account, and she has no idea what happens then! i try and talk about it, but i don't want to say too much, as it feels like it's not really my place, i just occasionally find out about stuff, for example, my boyfriend's brother moved out a year ago, but they are still paying council tax for him, never bothered to contact the council, money down the drain! :eek:

i get so frustrated, feel like banging my head against a brick wall - dad won't talk about it, mom and boyfriend and his brothers don't seem to want to face up to it much/talk about it! if it was me, and i was in danger of having my house repossesed every few months, i'd want to know what was going on!

[Deleted User]

they can get the overpaid council tax back still - just need proof that you b/f's brother moved out. A letter to the council ought to do it.

it's a difficult situation to be in, especially as it's not your direct family, and you have to tread carefully with your b/f, but do try and work on him to talk to his dad - the sooner they face up to it the better it will be in the long run.

clarence83_2

What a bad situation for you both to be in Does he need help with gambling, alcohol or drugs as well as the financial assistance?

standupguy

If your boyfriend is serious about helping him out again then it would be best to do it with the full understanding of the financial position otherwise it could just be delaying the obvious and throwing good money after bad.

He could say that he is thinking about helping his father but needs to see the full picture before he can make a decision.

He could ask his father to obtain a copy of his credit report from Equifax and Experian - cost £2 each - that will give your bf a clearer picture of his fathers outstanding debts and from there he can make his decision.

It is only fair that your boyfriend sees the full position before commiting further.

If his father refuses, then at least your bf tried?

dzug1

If it helps the delicate situation could the boyfriend tell the father that he's been refused a further loan?

sarahxcore

Thanks once again for all the replies! hearing what everyone has to say has really helped me put my mind at rest a bit.

my boyfriend had a letter from his bank a few weeks ago offering him a massive pre-approved loan - his dad saw it, and I suppose figured that would be his best bet out of the current troubles. however, my boyfriend checked his bank today, and the offer is no longer there - he didn't really want to take it out anyway i think, but now at least he can tell his dad that he can't, not just that he doesn't want to! he feels really awful tho, doesn't feel he can do nothing while his family get made homeless.

his dad is a good guy really, doesn't drink much, doesn't gamble, etc - tbh, i think he makes about twice as much as i do as well! he's always doing loads of overtime too. i think it's just problems that have become bigger and bigger over the years, taking out loans to pay off other loans, etc etc.

i like the idea of the credit reports, and i've spoken to my boyfriend about getting together with his mom and brothers and staging some sort of intervention - demanding access to the financial info! i work in accountancy, and am happy to help with spreadsheets and budgets - it's all just convincing his dad to accept help. i'm also worried that he's going to start asking my boyfriend's youngest brother to take things out his name

thanks for the advice re: the council tax too Domino9! i'll have to get my boyfriend on that - i mentioned it to them when he first moved out, and they thought it was great, but obviously his dad never sorted it out, and no one else is allowed to do anything! *sighface*