NRP making offer of 6.5% net salary, advice please

PlayingHardball

I'd really appreciate your advice or thoughts. When the ex moved abroad over a year ago, he used the opportunity to get out of paying child support. We were CSA2 and he was paying 15%. This supplemented my full time income and has enabled me to pay my mortgage and bills and day to day expenses as well as ensure DD had everything necessary (by no means did the child support allow any luxuries, just simply living a no frills life). So to suddenly very short each month was very difficult to cope with (I now have a large loan which saw me through the first shocking several months)

With the advice of a friendly forum user here, I decided to write to ex and give him the chance to make an arrangement with me to support his DD again, if not he would leave me with no choice but to go to the courts in the country he is living in (I had actually already set REMO in motion 10 months ago, but there has been a 4 month delay due to admin error on part of the UK) REMO in London have now told me all of the documentation has finally been acknowledged and received by the other country. Nobody can tell me how long it will take, just that the country he is living in sees child support as a serious matter, and it is in their hands now. They will issue a court order, eventually, and he will have to pay according to their laws.

He is in the other country on a temporary basis, approx for 2 years which would end in Aug 2011, however, I wouldn't put it past him to stay to avoid paying child support. Whilst he is out of the UK, he has a NIL assessment. He is not paid in the UK, he has property he rents out here though, but it is unassessable income I am told by CSA.

Now, as a response to my letter, he is offering me approx 6.5% of what he claims is his current net salary (5700 euros monthly) which, I know, could be an understatement. He is paying out 1,100 euros a month in a holiday home which he only gets to use a couple times a year, he won't rent it out to generate income. And...his new partner doesn't work. Apparently he doesn't want her to and she is very happy with a gym membership and her new improved lifestyle. Of course, this financial information was all provided by him! One other thing I would like to add, not that it matters, but he is supporting the new partners teenager to board in the UK, as she didn't want to follow mummy to the new country. So, probably money that he should be paying for his own daughter is being paid to support his new partners daughter, while his partner doesn't work. (apparently it is impossible to get a job there, but it was the same story in the UK whilst she lived with him here prior to their move)

So, should I take the offer, or do I let the full force of REMO take effect (if ever it does!)

Any advice or input would be really appreciated.

I'm at the point where I want to say "Take your money and stuff it where the sun don't shine mate", but then....

What would you do in my situation??:rolleyes:

Please note, I truly am not a money grabber. I admit that I am completely p*ssed off that he has turned his back financially on his own DD, but this isn't about money for me, or revenge, I just want him to do the right thing for his daughter.

PlayingHardball

PS Sorry I was so long-winded. You are a saint if you took the time to read all that!

LizzieS_2

PlayingHardball wrote: »

I'd really appreciate your advice or thoughts. When the ex moved abroad over a year ago, he used the opportunity to get out of paying child support. We were CSA2 and he was paying 15%. This supplemented my full time income and has enabled me to pay my mortgage and bills and day to day expenses as well as ensure DD had everything necessary (by no means did the child support allow any luxuries, just simply living a no frills life). So to suddenly very short each month was very difficult to cope with (I now have a large loan which saw me through the first shocking several months)

The loan is something you have to consider, along with how long you can afford to wait.

With the advice of a friendly forum user here, I decided to write to ex and give him the chance to make an arrangement with me to support his DD again, if not he would leave me with no choice but to go to the courts in the country he is living in (I had actually already set REMO in motion 10 months ago, but there has been a 4 month delay due to admin error on part of the UK) REMO in London have now told me all of the documentation has finally been acknowledged and received by the other country. Nobody can tell me how long it will take, just that the country he is living in sees child support as a serious matter, and it is in their hands now. They will issue a court order, eventually, and he will have to pay according to their laws.

Have you researched their laws - it's all well and good knowing they take child support seriously, but you also need to be able to compare their schemes somehow.

He is in the other country on a temporary basis, approx for 2 years which would end in Aug 2011, however, I wouldn't put it past him to stay to avoid paying child support. Whilst he is out of the UK, he has a NIL assessment. He is not paid in the UK, he has property he rents out here though, but it is unassessable income I am told by CSA.

I would have thought either the capital assets if over 65K or rental income would be taken into account upon application for a variation from yourself. But, I've found there always seems to be a way round laws if nrp's are so minded.

Now, as a response to my letter, he is offering me approx 6.5% of what he claims is his current net salary (5700 euros monthly) which, I know, could be an understatement. He is paying out 1,100 euros a month in a holiday home which he only gets to use a couple times a year, he won't rent it out to generate income. And...his new partner doesn't work. Apparently he doesn't want her to and she is very happy with a gym membership and her new improved lifestyle. Of course, this financial information was all provided by him! One other thing I would like to add, not that it matters, but he is supporting the new partners teenager to board in the UK, as she didn't want to follow mummy to the new country. So, probably money that he should be paying for his own daughter is being paid to support his new partners daughter, while his partner doesn't work. (apparently it is impossible to get a job there, but it was the same story in the UK whilst she lived with him here prior to their move)

Check out the rates in the country he is in - he may only have to pay 6.5% as they may include others things csa2 does not. Forget what his partner does/doesn't do and step-child - let DD decide if he is a worthy father when she is old enough to make such decisions.

Offer is over £300pm for one child which is far better than many get. Look at the difference in what payments were before he went abroad.

Is there any offer over the missed months so far - that could have a bearing on your final decision too.

So, should I take the offer, or do I let the full force of REMO take effect (if ever it does!)

Any advice or input would be really appreciated.

I'm at the point where I want to say "Take your money and stuff it where the sun don't shine mate", but then....

What would you do in my situation??:rolleyes:

Please note, I truly am not a money grabber. I admit that I am completely p*ssed off that he has turned his back financially on his own DD, but this isn't about money for me, or revenge, I just want him to do the right thing for his daughter.

I'm afraid no-one knows your situation well enough to make a decision either way. Even if we did, you would get split answers. You are the one who has to be comfortable with whichever decision you take.

trevormax

personally, I think the amount he is offering (about £300/month) isn't bad. It's more than a person on JSA is expected to live on and it's a start. I wouldn't be looking at what % he is paying, but at how much money is actually being paid and compare it to what was being paid before or how much you would need to give your DD a good life.

Lizzie has made some good points about researching the child support laws in the country he is in. For all you know, he might only have to pay 5% in that country.

Also, what are the chances he wont just up and move to yet another country if he is slapped with a huge bill for child support?

PlayingHardball

Lizzie and Trevor, VERY much appreciated. It was helpful to me just writing it all down, helped make better sense of it to me.

I agree that £300 would go along way at the moment in my circumstance. I haven't been able to find my way through the other foreign country's CSA websites to clarify their laws, but have been told by REMO that they are along the lines of the UK, if not stricter.

Many thanks for your thoughts. It helps clear the muddle in mine! I agree, the amount in my circumstances would help my DD, both emotionally (knowing Dad was supporting her) and definately financially

Blonde_Bint

Saint Binty here I read all your post smug:D

My 2 pennoth for what its worth. Here goes. I cant point you in either direction with absolute certainty (very helpful I know and not what you asked for)

My preferred choice in your situation would be private agreement. The offer is good and its 300 a month more than the 0 a month you were getting. Put out of your mind his life, what he has, and what his partner has and what he spends on her child, it only serves to make you feel bad and wont improve your situation. (may I suggest you take out a mental bread knife and cut it off forever, thats what needs to happen get the past out of your mind for real and start from right now) Right then glad thats over and down to business.:j

Here it comes ...... However ........

We are talking about an unreliable person here. Is he likely to not pay a penny tell you its on its way all the time? give every excuse under the sun while you wait month after month for nothing? In your case i'm not too sure. Wheres Kelloggs n Zara? they're better at knowing when you have given every chance and thats enough.

If in your guts you know that every time you give him a chance he either does nothing or you get 2 or 3 payments and then your back to square one, then you should probably carry on with the REMO.

What does your gut tell you? If the first thing that pops into your mind is doubt, then I would say that doubt is only there for a very good reason.

I'm all for give and take, theres more money to give to the PWC when the NRP has it but less to be had when the NRP has less, however, I am not up for a p*ss take.

is it possible for you to email him, let him know at the start of your email that the email is no accusation just history shows that you dont usually end up with much. difficult to get some messages across in black and white without the other person getting the wrong end of the stick.

What do you think any good too you?

Matt_Fry

PlayingHardball wrote: »

I haven't been able to find my way through the other foreign country's CSA websites to clarify their laws, but have been told by REMO that they are along the lines of the UK, if not stricter.

Britain is as strict as you can get. There are very few countries operating a dedicated CSA, but often under a different name, the term Child Support Agency is a misnomer because many jurisdictions regard it as alimony because its irrespective of the childs needs.

Broadly speaking international child support policies falls into thee genres, Its handled by the tax collecting authority. Former British commonwealth nations use the Court System - they retain the original English court system of child maintenance they inherited with other English statute when they became sovereign territories. Many non-westernised nations have no system at all, the child is taken from the applicant parent and given to the working parent.

To find out the child support policy for your country ask an expert.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/
http://www.expatfocus.com/expatriate-cyprus
http://www.expatforum.com/expats/cyprus-expat-forum-expats-living-cyprus/

chriszzz

Hi
I agree with the others, I would accept the offer but only you know him best to know if he will stick to the agreement. In the meantime I would suggest with carrying on your research cos if the agreement fails you will need plan B.
I also agree that you should not let it bother you with what the other partner and her child are getting, but shame on him!!! and am sure its upsetting for both you and your daughter, but y no wot.... it will be your daughter who will make her own decisions about her feelings towards her dad.
The worst thing for you to do is to show her how much you may think he is an !!!.... for financially supporting the partners child over his own child, she will be the one who will one day put her dad to shame, kids are not soft and there time will come when they become the adult and the parent will have to ansa to them.
Hope it all comes good for you both!!

PlayingHardball

Thank you everyone!

Binty - of course your post is helpful, very helpful. I wondered where Zara and Kelloggs are too, no doubt on a fantastic holiday somewhere. Its good to get others thoughts on this, as when you are in it, it can be a muddle. I agree that £300 is better than £0. My only fear is that he won't keep to his end of the bargain, and I don't want to pull the rug on REMO just in case he doesn't (my gut feeling that he won't be realiable based on past year and a bit and avoidance when it suited)

Matt - Thanks, I will check those out, it will be really helpful no doubt.

Chriszz, good advice, about not letting how his partner lives and what she does or doesn't do to help her kid. At the end of the day, I can hold my head high, I've supported my daughter 100% and have refrained from saying anything bad about dad. The odd thing has slipped out, I'm only human. But, since a pretty nasty financial divorce dispute many years ago now, I have kept my trap shut and knew that one day, my kids would see that and thank me for it. (They now are, I'm closer to my adult DD than I've ever been, its lovely! And unfortunately, youngest DD is seeing Dad as someone selfish lately)

What I'm thinking is to email him and agree to the private agreement, but point out his unrealiability for the last year +, but say that the £300 would be a real help to his DD. This is where it may go wrong - I don't want to stop REMO, as at the end of the day I want some form of security that he can't/won't do what he did (is doing) again. In other words, if I have a piece of paper that legally enforces him, I'll feel more secure. I'll obviously have to tell him this too, So, whether he'll agree to forking over £300 knowing that I want to proceed to gain a legal document (albeit, I'm not obliged to enforce it - I would be very happy to continue with £300 with or without a legal order) is anyones guess, and will be a difficult thing to word in an email. I can't talk to him, he talks OVER me, and won't let me have my say.

I agree with everyone that private is best.

Thanks everyone, I promise I'll try not to be so long winded next time I start a thread. Its hard to put so much into into a small space!

Blonde_Bint

lol. that made me laugh, the 'talks over me' bit. My husband just talks over me too.:D I once sent him an email from my computer upstairs to his computer downstairs, for the purposes of him hearing the end of my sentance:rotfl: It sounds silly I know but it did the trick he came upstairs a tad sheepish:D

email is definately the best way forward, just one more vital bit of info. Be VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY careful about the words you use IN the email. if possible get someone else to read it afterwards to make absolute certain he cant pick 2 or 3 words and take them in a way they were not intended you know the kind of thing I mean from posting on here. posts can be taken not in the way they were intended sometimes.

This is a very important email. Good luck Playinghardball . I'm keeping them crossed for you. Hope when you come back its with all good news.