Best man's speech advice.

tomstickland

OK, thanks.
Progress so far is that I wrote a word-for-word speech. Then I turned that into keywords and chapter headings. Now I've been timing how long it takes to deliver from the prompts and I've been chopping bits of it out to try and make it shorter.

It's almost all based on things I thought of concerning my friend, some jokes I developed, things that have made me laugh etc.
I've tried quite a lot of it out on work mates and they've said it's the right sort of thing to be saying.

There are no long, drawn out, detailed stories.

I need an opinion on a target length. I was going for 10 minutes.

I worked out that if I could deliver a 10 minute speech that wasn't a boring drone and made a few people laugh then that'd be OK.
I've been talking to loads of people, and some of the jokes are still making me laugh, so I hope I'll be keen to give the speech after all of this effort.
The thing is, the jokes are all very much things that I'd say normally anyway. I've binned things if I felt at all akward with them.

Quote

Ten minutes is probably a bit long. But if you time yourself there's no way to account for pauses for laughter (hopefully), and in any case you'll probably say things quicker in reality than rehearsal.

I'd go for five minutes, seven minutes as an absolute maximum. Ten minutes is a long time.

Claire_Bear

I think as long as you actually mean what you say in your speech, and it's heartfelt then you can't go wrong. So stories which are great memories for you, sincere compliments to his bride etc are lovely. When people are obviously trying to be witty or funny it can look a bit awkward. Just be natural, reminisce a bit, be yourself and you'll be great Then do a little soppy bit at the end about how you wish them happiness in life and whatnot

mark55man

you are doing almost exactly what I did for my speech in preparation and it was fine - don't forget to say the obvious things, and don't try too hard to force a laugh, but jokes are welcome

personally I don't go for the "is your job to embarrass the bride and groom" line, just compliment them both and the bridesmaids (may help later :-)

you'll be fine - remember you have a friendly audience (unless you make it otherwise) and remember you are not the starring role you are the support act (albeit an important one)

good luck

tomstickland

Regarding the length, I've been to weddings and had people deliver speechs that must have been 15 minutes. I remember laughing a lot too.

tomstickland

OK, 4 days to go and I've been rehearsing things.
I've pruned it all again and I've streamlined some bits that were too vague. But then I thought of a few other, more relevant things that should go in.
I think it's getting close to the "just get on with it" point now.

I spent yesterday cacking myself. Today I'm feeling more calm.

ClareEmily

tomstickland wrote: »

OK, 4 days to go and I've been rehearsing things.
I've pruned it all again and I've streamlined some bits that were too vague. But then I thought of a few other, more relevant things that should go in.
I think it's getting close to the "just get on with it" point now.

I spent yesterday cacking myself. Today I'm feeling more calm.

Good luck I'm sure you will be great Sounds like you have really thought about it and planned it well. My hubby wrote his 2 days before big event...doh

DKLS

I did one a month ago and it was around 10 mins in duration, it went down well with the audience although the groom was very nervous thoughout as I know all the skeletons in his closet, but I didnt spill any details, just gave a few anecdotes about us when we were kids and how he has grown into a loving and caring father.

I was terrified at the prospect of delivering the speech, odd as I regularly present to 200+ doctors and cope fine with that.

paulies_nixie

one bit of advice.... mind the home truths

My first wedding, the best man stood up, heck of a nervous, and said "It was quite a relief to know 'Fred' was getting married. We all thought he was gay" No laugh, just awkward silence. All hardend Irish Catholics.
His mum had already come to me and told me the same thing - she thought he was gay and was glad he was settling down with a girl.

Mind you we divorced a year later and part of the reason was the copious amounts of gay p0rn on the pooter.
Meh - who knew they had the gift of prophesy :rotfl:

<Note: absolutely nothing against same sex relationships, he should have just mentioned it before he married a girl - altho he's still in denial and even has a new wife and a kid! Even though he moved in with the lodger 'Fred 2' when I moved out.>

I'm laughing about it all now Best thing not to be with him in the long run and certainly wasnt the only reason for divorce.
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

tomstickland

Right, all best man duties have now been performed.

The speech went really well. I'm really pleased, and relieved. I'd give myself 7/10 or 8/10 for how it went.

I've written a debrief here, hopefully it might be useful for anyone else who attempts this task in the future.

I was relieved to get laughs throughout the speech, it did go a bit flatter in the middle, but a friend of mine said he got all of the jokes.
I did think it would be a thrill to get laughs, but once it got going I didn't really spend much time thinking about it. I was relieved though.

I was also quite interested to see which jokes I thought were funny and didn't get a reaction. I had one about being warned that the audience were going to be tough. Especially the people from <brides workplace>. In fact, I'd heard that they had once bottled a lecturer off the stage on a training day."
The crowd being tough joke worked. But the more surreal part only appealed to one or two people, even though, to me, that's funny.

The preparation really paid off - I could concentrate of speaking clearly and loudly and delivering. I just scanned the keywords every now and then. Plus all the preparation meant that I was familiar with the material, so could concentrate on delivering it.
I'd road tested all of my jokes on people at work over the previous week, so was confident that most of it was funny to some people. It was good training, it sort of helped me get over the fear of finishing a joke. When I went for a hair cut last week I told all of the jokes to the hairdresser and she laughed too. So I had confidence that some of it was considered funny.
I also did a complete dress rehearsal to my mum, and she liked it.

Doing it for real was all rather odd actually, it sort of went by in a bit of daze and I don't remember reading much. But the keywords were essential.

I had a safe mother in law joke that worked.

I got some minor gasps with my joke "I did have to sign a legally binding document about one incident.....apparently the donkey sanctuary were worried about the negative publicity". I don't really know why it's funny, apart from it implying some dubious behaviour, but the people at worked always laughed at that one. So I put it in, despite removing it at one stage in the planning.

I shortened and sped up the middle a bit because I felt it was going to lose the interest of a few people.

The sensible bit was was well received too, some people said "hear hear".

I actively encouraged heckling, which was quite fun too.

Interestingly, I wanted some audience participation with my "<grooms name> facts - true or false" game. There were enough willing players, but I think that around 70% of the audience didn't really want to join in. So maybe something to think about there when considering the audience.

Afterwards it occured to me that it's actually quite a tricky task. You don't really know much about the audience, you don't know what their sense of humour is like and you don't know if they are offended easily. You have to create something that lasts 5-15 minutes, that appeals to a range of people, contains jokes, contains truths and teases but doesn't offend.

I was quite amused to hear from a friend that he'd seen one woman who looked distinctly unimpressed with some of the jokes. However, her husband had been clearly laughing.

Nerve management was also a big task. I managed to keep a lid on them for most of the day, with a few nervous spikes.
I noticed that the congregation laughed readily in the service when the vicar made a few jokes. During the meal I had to make some announcements and organise the buffet by tables, so I ended up getting into character. I also looked at the guests and sort of minimised the fear in my mind.

About half an hour before I did have a few minutes of extra nerves, but managed to get that back down.
I had one beer to drink.
Then I started on a glass of white wine about 10 minutes before needing the speak.

The best thing was that I had several people come up and congratulate me on the speech. I'd say that you have to be realistic with your expectations here. I mean, there are stand up comics who some people think are genuis and others hate with a passion. So even the pros only appeal to some people.