My diary for the future...

susie81

Happy Sunday everyone.

Not been on since Friday lunch because been busy - honest! Well, I've been don for a couple of days anand hence not been onthe computer. Been a bit of a push to come on now but feel better for it already.

Not had a productive weekend really - struggled to get going. Been at the football yesterday and even though it is only a few hours seems to take the whole day with travelling and then being tired after it.

Nothing has changed yet as I havn't sat down to sort anythig out. Am about to try now I think.

OH paid a cheque in yesterday which we got as a refund from his mobile phone contract when he ended it and moved to another - so that was nice.

I also managed to get him to discuss a possible budget for his spends. It was hard trying to get him to think of all his spends not just going out each week. That's part of the problem - the extra money spent is either on little one-off items which build up like footbal shirts or shopping overspend due to going to Tesco's every couple of days.

Going to try and put a realistic budget together and then work out where we can cut down or need more as we haven't been realistic. I 'm always trying this but hopefully this one will work as I've had a little bit more help from him.

Will update later when done if I manage to do it today.

Lemon_Tree

you won't see me arguing, i'm paying off my debt as soon as possible and OH (who is DF) is saving for the baby.
we had a slow weekend, we got some baby guinea pigs yesterday to keep our older one company, she lost her friend recently and has been lonely.
My OH is a darling and has no debts but does seem to 'waste' a fair bit each month. He doesn't have expensive habits but the little bits do add up don't they.

susie81

Had a moment last night where I just wanted him to say yes it will all be fine and we can start a family right now. Can't happen though and I know it can't but don't think he understnads the maternal instinct, mother nature type stuff.

I've just updated our accounts. Even though we were going to try and be good this month - because we haven't had a food plan it all seems to have gone wrong already and we've already overspent . It's only the 9th of the month!!! When I say overspent I mean if we try hard enough we may just stay within our incomings but that means my savings and overpayment fund have disappeared. Also doesn't take into account needing to pay the road tax this month and forking out £150 for a parking space at the football.

We were offered the space this week for £150 for the three years. It will work out at just over half the cost we would pay if we paid every week for each home match not taking into consideration cup matches. As I know we will definitely be going for the next few years it is worth forking out for now.

I've made my monthly payment towards my credit card and the student loan payments I have been meaning to make so I think the only payment left to remember this month is the road tax.

I intend to cash in my premium bonds - another thing I didn't want to touch as it was inheritance really - but I'm going to use it to clear my credit card and start the savings fund. I'm hoping if I can retain extra from our income next month, by being more careful and organised with spending within the budget, that can pay for the car insurance rather than dipping into the new savings fund. I can then put money aside each month for next years.

This is doable - it's just a matter of gaining some control and keepin git rather than letting it drift and never being able to catch up!!

Right I'm off to do some washing for work tomorrow and explain to OH what I've done this evening.

Night night

susie81

Had a long boring day at work. I find it hard because my minf easily wanders to somewhere else and then I get behind with everything. Everything here is about time so the 5 mins brain wandering adds up and has to somehow be accounted for.

Made a list in my new diary last night of jobs to do each day. Trying to get back to having my little lists so I get things done. However right now I really don't feel like doing any of them when I get home - another of my challenges - find some willpower!

I did do one of tomorrows tasks today though so that's one less thing to worry about tomorrow!

Also will have spent my weekly budget by today as I bought my mum a drink at lunch as she always buys usually - I had to insist though. And I need to go buy some new coloured pens for my revision diagrams - did have coloured pencils but I have to write quite big as I can't get them sharp enough without breaking them!

Gotta go so I'll hopefully write back soon saying I managed to do everything on my list.

susie81

Not been on for a while - meaning too but haven't got round to it.

We've been trying with not spending - doing ok at it I suppose. It's hard though and we're definitely not there. Just can't seem to get control of it. It's like grabbing on to something that manages to keep slipping out of our grasp.

I'm also going on a downer I think. Getting my panicky upset feelings. He says he'll sort everything but if he could he would have done already wouldn't he. I keep saying I'm ok with things as they are, in the sense that it is baggage that came with him and it's just the way it is but I can't get away from blaming him for it. I love him and would never leave but this is his fault, no one can deny that.

Lately I've also been feeling a bit like it's not fair. He spent all this money and lived - maybe not anything like going on holidays etc but had a fun time in his early twenties. All I've lived with since being 18 is debt - where is my chance for fun.

I really want kids and don't want to wait but I haven't really been able to just enjoy myself have I?

I don't like feeling like this - feel guilty about it, feel guilty about spending, feel guilty about blaming him and why can't he get a better job. It's like he doesn't want to. Too scared to try.

Lemon_Tree

sorry to hear you're feeling down have you mentioned some of these feelings to your OH?
are you the person left to sort everything out? especially as you're saying they were debts which came with your OH. don't get me wrong mine and my OH's finances are joint but i'm still responsible for the debt i brought with me. Luckily i'm the stronger one financially but i would myself feel guilty if i wasn't do anything and it was all left to my OH.

edinburgher

Sorry to see you feeling so down - there's clearly a lot going on here that we aren't really in a place to comment on.

Are the debts mostly your OHs? Also, is he on a very low wage? Because all I would say on that front is that not everyone is on the same level when it comes to being up for the challenge of promotions and climbing the ladder, which is a grossly overrated business in my opinion

Change scares a lot of people (men and women) and let's face it, it can be terrifying to change jobs/careers/re-train or go back to education after a break.

You really need to discuss this with your OH and explore (without nagging) your concerns and your desires for the future. Not everyone is career minded, but I'm sure you'll broach the subect sensitively.

I hope to see you back to your normally cheerful self soon

susie81

Not been on again for week!! Just never get round to it but I'm here now.

Had a better week than my last post. We talked about it and we're now ok. I always wonder how much sinks in though and how much is put to the back of the mind. He couldn't talk to me at one point though because he was upset about it and he knows it's his fault as they are all his debts - unfortunately I can't deny that for him and can't change the understandable way I feel. I just wish he'd try and do more to find a solution. I carefully put that across to him again today.

I would like him on a £30k a year job rather than £15k but anything in the iddel would do. I know he hates his job and feels he is worth more. It's just that he's stuck in a rut and can't get out. I understand it though - I'm the same. Difference is I am in the just under £30k a year job and feel trapped because I want to be a full time mother over the next few years rather than the breadwinner.

I know we need my salary no matter what and could never be a full time housewife. I want to compromise on my desires you might say by going part time - a challenge in itself when it's not what you really want - but need him to find the shortfall in income so it can happen. I can't do it for him. I also think it will make him feel better.

I sat on the computer until the early hours last night preparing an indepth spreadsheet which can be regularly updated. Shows when debts are paid off, what overpayments are available along with extra money available for savings after a fixed debt payment amount. The savings are for the baby fund and therefore required to aid cashflow when the time comes. It also had a basic budget element as well. It's obviously not completely accurate as I don't know how bills will change in the future but gives a reasonable picture until August 2013!!

Our general spending budget is possibly quite tight - £450 between us for everything a couple with two dogs might spend including food, cleaning stuff, dog food and treats, going out, clothes etc. I'm hoping that will be doable - if not we have a problem!!!

What I was wondering though is how much extra a month do you think I'll need once we have a baby - baby spends you might say. Includes clothes, food, nappies etc - thinigs you have to replace!! I put £150 in as an off the top of my head estimate but I really have no idea if this is off the mark either way. Help please?

I should probably stop rambling but it helps to spill it all out! Per the spreadsheet the debts will be paid off by November 2013. Which isn't too bad but that is with me still working full time and I haven't included child care costs or child benefit for that matter. Also doesn't build up a decent fund for a second baby and the relevant maternity leave or the need to have money together to move to a larger house before the second child.

I'll just have to see how it goes - I might not even be able to conceive yet - who knows what the future holds!!

Better sign off now - rambling over for now!!