Not waving but drowning ----(carbootcrazy's SOS)

[Deleted User]

Starting my own diary is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, mainly because I know, from the brilliant variety of diaries that I read regularly on MSE, that the input and encouragement from others can be a wonderful spur to success. Even just concentrating enough on a problem sufficiently to write about it so others will understand the full horror of it is therapeutic in itself. My only worry is that what I have to say will seem so pathetic and boring that no-one will bother to read it or reply. I don’t expect to be another hypno:A with legions of readers and fans (myself among them) but I’d hate to be a ‘Billy No-Mates:eek:! Anyway, at the risk of all that, I’ll dive in.

Rather than send you all to sleep straight away with the full sorry saga I’ll just whet your appetites for now with the basics. I’ll leave you eager for more:rolleyes:. It’s not particularly going to just be about debt (although I certainly have plenty) and I won’t be posting totals of debt-payments regularly, although solving the main problem will free up some money which I can throw at the debts. I’ll go into the financial situation next time.

My user-name and thread title say it all really. I’m addicted to carboot sales (and any/every other source of cheap/free ‘stuff’ ) and I’m going under because of the sheer mass of accumulated, totally unnecessary things I’ve filled every available inch of my personal space with. Some days I feel I can’t breathe with it all, I feel like a prisoner to this clutter yet can’t break free. I wish I had the same passion for selling at carboot sales as I do for buying. I promise my diary won’t be just a tale of misery though, I hope there’ll be some fun along the way. You have to laugh or you’d cry don’t you? .

Oh, I forgot to mention earlier, DH is similarly afflicted by the hoarding bug. In fact I think he’s even worse than me….nah, forget I wrote that bit, it’s impossible. Although in retrospect he’s always been like it whereas in my youth I loved nothing better than to travel light and have minimal possessions.
　
I’m 60 at the end of the year:( and feel that’s a landmark time which should be marked by my being able to say (if only to myself) that I’ve achieved something in the course of my life. So I feel I must crack on and would appreciate any advice and encouragement you feel able to muster. Oh, and a few good kicks up the backside will definitely help too. Procrastination is my favourite pastime:o, has been for a long long time unfortunately.

It’s not that we haven’t got the space for it either. We have nearly half an acre of garden (although ‘garden’ suggests something pleasant and well-tended which it certainly ain‘t!). Don’t get the idea we are rich or posh. Anything but. We moved here in the 70s to a place that needed a lot of ’doing up’ and its been our only home which somehow never became the restful and relaxing place it was meant to be. Call it a ‘work in progress’ although now DH is 70 (I was a child bride:rolleyes:) I can’t see a lot of progress being made in the years to come somehow. It’s pretty rural here so we have nobody to complain about our clutter, indeed a lot of ‘near’ neighbours are about as bad as we are. We also have a huge garage so full of ‘stuff’ that our 2 cars have to live outside in all weathers. We have 3 sheds (big ‘uns too, not just those small ones you see in town gardens) and it’s impossible to get into any of them without having to drag loads of stuff outside first. Not just full but stacked floor to rafters. I should explain that only 1 shed is mine (although it’s the biggest one) and I’ve some more stuff among DH’s 'junk' in the garage. Then there’s the loft, so full you can’t get into it, and most rooms in the house have a dangerous amount of stuff in them. I’m not talking general untidiness now, in fact for such tonnes of stuff it is amazingly ’tidy’ and well-stacked. It’s little things like having to inch sideways along the landing to get to the bathroom, not being able to let anyone ever see into/enter certain rooms and being ever vigilant that the room doors are always shut. I’d die if anyone saw how we live. Yet in our persons we are clean, tidy and smart, our cars are clean and immaculate and no-one would suspect a thing. Until I retired I held down a very responsible job where organisation was a must. Needless to say our social life is zilch, I can’t remember the last time anyone visited and I live in dread of having to have a ’man in’ to do an emergency repair of anything. I just feel totally defeated.

That’s it for now. I’ll bet you are riveted by this and can’t wait for part 2!

dancingfairy

Have you watched those home make-over programmes during the day. Also cash-in the attic and car booty, trash to cash etc. So inspirational. Maybe choose one room at a time and think how you'd like it to be, or maybe call one of the tv programmes and offer to be on it.
Seriously though maybe a change will do you good and have a clean slate?
At least you have some means of clearing your debt don't you. If you bought there's a chance others will as well.
I do think trash to cash (i think it's that one) is good because half the money goes to the family and half goes to a charity. Not that you have to go on the tv necessarily but maybe set yourself a challenge to raise x amount for yourselves and give the same amount to charity? Maybe that would fire your enthusiasm?
Anyway good luck however you tackle it.
df

Fire_Fox

Right so the bad news is you have a significant amount of debt. The good news is you have a lovely big house and garden AND an enormous amount of stuff that you could sell to free up cash! :T You sound like you are ready to make a start, I'd say you need to attack the debt and the hoarding in bitesize chunks.

Do you both feel able to agree to an in-principle reduction in possessions you don't use of 50% or even 25%? Do you feel able to identify and list on eBay a set number of items every day until you have cleared the landing? I bet once you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel you will get on a roll and be able to increase your targets, moving onto clearing the smallest shed.

Lurker1972

This 'his n hers' shed part made me think of my parents - they too have one each, crammed full of stuff!

I went through a stage of buying loads @ car boots....then split with hubby & since then have been trying to declutter - moving in the boyfriend slowed down the process somewhat though

I'm now aiming for there to only be useful, beautiful or majorly sentimental stuff in the house.....& nothing new comes in unless something old goes out

tis still a work in progress though - Firefox is right - set a small target & go from there

Good luck

kissjenn

Hi CBC. It's so tough getting rid of stuff we just know will be needed tomorrow and even tougher making a start when the clutter seems to have started it's own breeding programme.

Is there an initial goal you'd like to set yourself - maybe a card or loan you'd love to get paid off and use that as the impetous to get you going. My downfall with huge tasks is biting off too much and then thinking stuff it what's the point. This is a definite eat the elephant one chunk at a time.

One strategy if you want to go the ebay / selling route is to do the most rotten job first when you get up otherwise you spend the day avoiding it. So if you hate ebay listing for example promise yourself it will be done each day by 10am and then the rest of the day is yours.

Another option, depending on level of debt etc, would be to kick start the process and hire an ebay savvy person to help you clear a room. Agree an hourly rate or split the proceeds or whatever you fancy. But getting over the hurdle of facing down the technology, the inertia of getting going, the apparent size of the elephant and tackling it alone - may well be worth a little profit sharing to get you up and running. And given the current credit crunch you would probably get someone bright and pleasant who'd be delighted to help for a few extra quid.

Fire_Fox

kissjenn wrote: »

Another option, depending on level of debt etc, would be to kick start the process and hire an ebay savvy person to help you clear a room. Agree an hourly rate or split the proceeds or whatever you fancy. But getting over the hurdle of facing down the technology, the inertia of getting going, the apparent size of the elephant and tackling it alone - may well be worth a little profit sharing to get you up and running. And given the current credit crunch you would probably get someone bright and pleasant who'd be delighted to help for a few extra quid.

This is a great idea: I have threatened to hire my best mate to help with my clutter (office, hall and storage cupboard filled in three years!). The plan is to ply her with wine and a home cooked meal!! :beer:

kissjenn

Fire_Fox wrote: »

This is a great idea: I have threatened to hire my best mate to help with my clutter (office, hall and storage cupboard filled in three years!). The plan is to ply her with wine and a home cooked meal!! :beer:

That's a good payment scheme :T

Only problem I have with mates and that sort of help is it becomes a trip down memory lane and we're usually in a bigger mess than when we started :rotfl:

I need someone strict and commanding (but maybe we digress !)

Lemon_Tree

if you were closer i'd offer to come and help, i can be so ruthless helping others clear their homes (once got 5 sacks from my friends small bathroom) yet when it comes to my stuff i go in fits and starts but never really get rid of enough.
welcome to the boards, we look forward to finding out more about you

[Deleted User]

Thanks so much to dancingfairy, Fire Fox, Lurker 1972, kissjenn and Lemon Tree for posting on my new diary. I can't tell you how chuffed I was to see that someone had found it interesting enough to contribute:T
And thanks as well for the good advice, although as you'll see in a mo, I do a lot of it already. I'm doing my best, honest, but still very down that I can see so little progress for a lot of effort.

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Right so the bad news is you have a significant amount of debt. The good news is you have a lovely big house and garden AND an enormous amount of stuff that you could sell to free up cash!

Hi Fire Fox ,but you haven't seen the place! Yes, the garden is big but it is a semi-wilderness. It backs onto fields and there are no immediate neighbours to accuse us of lowering property values so DH likes it as a wildlife haven. And to walk out at dusk and spot and hear the myriad of creatures that have made their homes here is magical. Plus the birds and bats too. Our village has an Open Gardens event each year but the organisers never even call to ask if we want to participate. I wonder why:rolleyes:.

The house isn't big either and is a 1900 cottage partly dragged into the modern ers by us. But we aren't 'possessions' driven, believe it or not, and have never wanted the latest model/style of whatever comes on the market. Our kitchen units (fitted by us in 1974) are still in good nick and although to some may seem a very yukky colour (a sort of avocado) I still like them:o. Those home make-over programmes make us laugh when the presenters throw up their hands in horror when looking at kitchens and bathrooms decades more modern than ours and saying it will just have to go.
　

dancingfairy wrote: »

Have you watched those home make-over programmes during the day. Also cash-in the attic and car booty, trash to cash etc. So inspirational. Maybe choose one room at a time and think how you'd like it to be, or maybe call one of the tv programmes and offer to be on it.
df

Hi dancingfairy, but:eek::eek::eek::eek: at the thought of anyone, let alone a TV crew and audience of thousands seeing our situation is a total non-starter. When I mentioned in my original post that no-one's visited for yonks I really meant it. We always arrange to meet family/friends at other locations and have to make excuses not to bring them back here, or else not even meet them at all. Anyone and everyone who calls uninvited is kept on the doorstep. I know it sounds awful but that's how it is I'm afraid. I've even bought and put up net curtains at all the windows (which I absolutely hate) to stop anyone getting a glimpse of the horror inside. At least we're not candidates for Kim and Aggie's treatment as the house is clean and sweet-smelling, not mouldy and vermin-ridden. I like keeping things clean but maybe that's because there is so little visible floor/surface (apart from piles and piles of boxes of course) to actually clean:rolleyes:.


Will respond to other posters' welcome suggestions later but will post this asap as MSE sometimes has a nasty habit of cutting off long posts and making them disappear into the ether.

Lemon_Tree

hi and glad to see you posting again. Have you decided that you actually want to start clearing some stuff? I'm a little confused but that's not hard really in practical terms all i could suggest is to take one room at a time, do it slowely so you don't feel outfaced and maybe brave doing the car boot yourself rather than spending at it. Even if you make a pact with yourself that you won't bring anything in the house unless something goes out at least you're not adding to the total clutter.

[Deleted User]

Lemon_Tree wrote: »

Have you decided that you actually want to start clearing some stuff? I'm a little confused but that's not hard really

Hi Lemon Tree

Yes, my sole aim in life is to clear the lot and get my home back. I know I can't possibly do it by then but I see my 60th birthday on December as something of a landmark date and I'm going all-out to make noticeable changes to my situation by then. I worry the daunting nature of the task will become too much for me as I'm an 'all or nothing' sort of girl (you know the type of thing, such as if I go on a diet it has to be crash diet losing the max amount in the shortest time etc etc etc ) and I worry setting a deadline for mega progress to be made may force me to go at it like a maniac and still see no results. Then I get discouraged, fall off the wagon as it were and nothing gets done for a few months more.

Actually, not that I'm offering it as an excuse, I was diagnosed as manic depressive in 1980 and have had short periods of various therapies and longer-term medication off and on since then. Have been medication-free for 4 years and have only seen my GP once in that time on a totally unrelated matter. Have always held down a demanding job throughout until I retired fairly recently. But I do tend to worry sometimes that by biting off more than I can chew I may set everything into a downward spiral again. I honestly think though that I can't be 'normal' to have gotten into this mess in the first place and to have put up with it for so long.

Just wrote a long post about carboot sales, charity shops etc and it just disappeared:mad:. Will try to rewrite it in a mo.