Created a disaster - please help

tigzem

I've not used CCCS or Payplan but believe them to very good, someone more experienced should be able to help there.

Argh at your ex :mad: I hope you can get things sorted.

My DD starts school this year too and I managed to get quite a few things in Asda they are reasonably priced... had to go to M&S for some bits though as she is a skinny minnie and won't be 4 until of Aug!!!

Hugs to you... keep posting xx

kissjenn

Hi,

You've done really well fo taking the first step and facing up to this. I notice that you took out the loans to help your ex buy a car. Is you name on the car as well or did he agree to pay you back the money and if so when?

If your ex is paying no maintenance is it because he's out of work or simply refusing to? The CSA will be looking for 15% of his income after tax and NI if he's working and it will be backdated to the date of claim regardless of how long it takes them. He should really be paying this to you now.

The short-term solutions (and they're not magic wands I'm afraid) are

Speak to your landlord about this month especially if you're going to be late. Do not tell him you're not paying because you bought a car for your ex and those loans take priority. Simply say you've a bit of a cashflow and let him know as and when you can pay. I would advise very strongly that if he gives you some leeway that you don't miss any of the agreed payment dates.

Do you have a credit union who could loan you enough to pay off the two crippling loans and let you repay the CU at a rate and speed you can afford?

Put it on the line very firmly with your ex. He either sells the car and gives you your money or simply repays the loan from you and keeps the car. On top of that you want your maintenance now. It's his daughter too and he needs to act like a father and that's not stealing from the mouth of his child. He may not like it, he may huff but he will probably also run a mile if you point out that he will have to take over 100% custody in the short-term because you will not entertain subjecting your child to council B&B accomodation when you are made homeless because he hasn't paid his due. His parents may be a place to go if you are in this mess because of their son and their granddaughter will be suffering.

Strugglingparent - please be brave and make him see exactly what consequences his actions are having. You borrowed the money for HIM. HE won't pay maintenance. You and your daughter need real money not daddy taking her on days out. If you can't get anywhere, I'd be tempted to take him to Small Claims COurt for the original loan plus all the interest you've paid on his behalf. He's doing this because he can. He knows if he has a tantrum you back off. If he really loves his daughter he won't put her at risk this way.

Longer term, if budgeting is a real problem would your landlord consider weekly payments, effectively just transfer your Tax Credits, that's your rent done and dusted and just worry about your other living expenses.

Sorry if this seems very harsh or I've got it wrong but I think from your description the problem is all about your ex and his willingness to milk your good nature.

Sagaris

Definately give CCCS a ring tomorrow (0800 138 1111), they are very helpful and do not charge for their services. You can always do a debt remedy on line on the website too, which should get the ball rolling.

CAB are good but I think you will have to wait for an appointment, which could take a week or so (where I live, anyway!)

Good luck with everything.

Cashwitch

Oh I really sympathise with you There's some great advice on here and people are lovely and supportive. I have to say I agree wholeheartedly with KissJenn's post - I don't think you should struggle with all this burden yourself when your ex is a grown man and should take some responsibility. People really do 'put their foot down' and 'throw toys out of the pram' when they think doing this will make somebody back off and will serve their interests. I think he does need to know that if he doesn't pay back the loan, you may lose your home. He owes you the money for the car. If he doesn't pay, as Kiss Jenn says, it may be an idea to go down the route of the small claims court.
Credit Union is an excellent idea, as is taking advice off as many organisations as you need to - knowledge [and MSE membership!) is power! :grouphug:

gizmo111

You should consider opening a bank account seperate to where the pay day loans are being taken from and having all your income and expenditure transferred across to this account. Then come to an agreement with your landlord and then with the rest of your creditors.
The CSA won't work quick, but it may be worth telling your ex the problems you are having and how him repaying would help you, and never lend him cash again.

strugglingparent

Well thats something aswell - he repaid me the money just before christmas last year and "we" used it to buy christmas for our daughter and families - while we tried to "save" our marriage! I was really stupid and naieve! As that fell through I gave up our marital home to start a fresh and thats when he stopped paying maintenance. If he doesnt pay maintenance or help out without me asking - its like he holds some sort of power of me. Thats how it feels anyway. I only have myself to blame for the money problems and thats why I need to fix them. Thank you so much for all your kind comments and advice.

KissJenn - you pretty much have got the milking my good nature right though! He does work he has his own business, which pretty much means when the CSA sort it out - he'll still probs be paying less than he should! Ive tried many times to explain but he always claims he's never got any money and says when the csa tell him what he needs to pay that he will pay. Im pretty sure having an 18yr old gf costs a bit though!

strugglingparent

Also I dont have a credit union account and now I have an absolutely appalling credit rating - so I doubt very much they would be able to help.

Fire_Fox

Chin up honey, you have come to the right place at the right time!! :A

I'm going to recommend you speak to your family doctor and tell him/ her exactly how stressed and depressed you feel. I have been there and so have many of the regular DFWs. You will feel much more able to cope with life, budget properly, stop spending recklessly and contact your creditors if you are getting the appropriate medical support - that might be tablets, counselling, physical activity or a combination. If the first treatment you are offered doesn't seem to be working enough go back and try something new.

Horace

A credit union is there to help people who are struggling with debt - so you won't know until you ask whether or not they will let you have an account. You need to put your income into an account where the payday loans people can swallow it up. So I shouldnt worry about your credit rating.

SeaBreeze

Hi Singleparent, when I was on income support I claimed council tax benefit, is that possible where you live?