Telling new partner about my debt

kjones99

Good luck CherryPerry - like others have said you got into debt for an explainable reason (not reckless spending) and are working hard to get out of it. I am sure he'll appreciate your honesty and sensible approach to debt!

My boyfriend got into a sticky financial situation as a result of selling the house he owned with his ex during the terrible housing market last year- but I know why, know he's working to get it all sorted, so it's fine!

tirlittan

I told my bf that I couldn't afford to loads as I had debt, student loan etc. He doesn't find it a problem at all (but then he's better off with his own home and a good job) and is being really lovely,understanding and helpful.

As others have said, you have a specific reason why you're in debt, if he doesn't understand, it's his loss. Good luck. Please let us know how it went.

CherryPerry

Update as promised.........But firstly can I say thank you to all who gave me good luck messages for the task in hand. I was sooo nervous in telling OH and getting a negative reaction, but have to say he was absoutely fine about it and totally understood. If I quote from him, he actually said "You did what you had to do to survive" which is true. He didn't flinch when I told him the amount either. He didnt say so but I got the impression that he was glad that I opened up to him and was honest. I suppose in a way shows that I care about him very much that I did want to do the right thing in being honest.

I feel so relieved that I have told him as not even my family or close friends are aware of my debt. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Rainy please if you can tell your partner about your debts. I was the same in hiding mine and it is very stressful. Good Luck to anybody in a similar situation!

glitterlea

CherryPerry wrote: »

Update as promised.........But firstly can I say thank you to all who gave me good luck messages for the task in hand. I was sooo nervous in telling OH and getting a negative reaction, but have to say he was absoutely fine about it and totally understood. If I quote from him, he actually said "You did what you had to do to survive" which is true. He didn't flinch when I told him the amount either. He didnt say so but I got the impression that he was glad that I opened up to him and was honest. I suppose in a way shows that I care about him very much that I did want to do the right thing in being honest.

I feel so relieved that I have told him as not even my family or close friends are aware of my debt. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Rainy please if you can tell your partner about your debts. I was the same in hiding mine and it is very stressful. Good Luck to anybody in a similar situation!

That's really good to hear
I'm glad it went well x

runmichellerun

I told my bloke about 2 or 3 weeks into the relationship as I didn't want him to find out later and be angry I hadn't told him. He was understanding to a point, although he was annoyed that some of my debt was spent on things I didn't need (i.e. a holiday to America :eek:) and he feels that if I hadn't done that then I'd be in a lot less debt now. He has a very good point.

However, telling him about it means that he knows why I can't afford to do all the things he can which helps. I also set aside a budget every week to spend on doing things with him, and when it runs out then it's tough, we have to stay in. There are times when it causes a problem between us, but I'd rather have it out in the open than hide it any day!

Well done CherryPerry for confronting the situation. I'm converted from the 'head-in-the-sand' approach now

And Rainy, possibly you should just get it over and done with ASAP? The relief of having things out in the open will far outweigh the dread of telling him.

(Land_of)_Maz

well done cherry! Glad he was so understanding. Sounds like a good un!

Rainy - it'll be so much better once it's out in the open...

I think telling partners about debt kinda falls into 2 categories depending on the relationship and how intertwined things are or are likely to get.....

but it's a tricky one cause when do you decide that this person could be serious in time and you don't want to drop it on them once you've decided you might have a future either.......

decisions decisions...

Pollycat

cherryPerry
I'm glad that you plucked up the courage to tell you OH about your debts (it must have been hard to do) and I'm so glad that he was understanding about it.

I do think it makes a bit of a difference as your debts were incurred BEFORE you met him. A lot of people have the very daunting task of coming clean to their partners about debt they have built up whilst in the relationship.

Best wishes for the future.

desperatelyinthered

I was in a similar situation, debt from the breakdown of a relationship, met OH and told quite quickly we are getting married in October and he has been very understanding and supportiv of my (now our) situation. I would definately tell them as others have said if they care for you they will accept and support you! Hope all goes well!

madmalteaser

At the time I got together with my boyfriend I was only just working out how much debt I was in. We'd only been together a few weeks when I had my lightbulb moment after having all my cards declined trying to buy a £10 gift for someone for Christmas! It was incredibly hard but I told him straight away. What I found difficult was the fact that he'd never been in my position and had parents that were quite well off so he had somewhere to go if he ever found himself getting in debt. I was so worried that he would judge me but I needn't have worried at all. All he wanted to do was to help me get out of debt!

Remember the reasons why you're with your partner. I'm sure one of them is the fact that he accepts you for who you are and I'm sure it'll be absolutely fine, particularly if you're already half way through paying your debts off. It's not like you're hiding away from them or have debtors chasing you every minute of the day, is it? Take a deep breath and get it out, you'll feel much better once you've told him, honest!

Rainy_2

Thanks CherryPerry for giving me some inspiration! And to the others too! I was rubbish this weekend and completely chickened out of telling him. I managed a couple of small details but just couldn't find the words to say it all

I'm not entirely convinced that it will ease the pressure on me with him knowing but I guess that's the test of the relationship!

Did speak to my mum about it yesterday though, she knew some bits but not all, so I am stepping in the right direction...

Well done CP, so glad that it has worked out for you. Best of luck in your debt busting :T