Telling new partner about my debt

CherryPerry

I wonder if you could give me some advice about telling my new partner that I am in debt? It is a fairly substantial amount and was the result of buying out my ex a couple of years ago. I have paid off almost half but there is still a fair bit to pay. I work 2 jobs and also have a lodger to help pay off the debt sooner. I am unsure about how to tell my new partner (6 months) about my debt. Im worried that he may think badly of me. It’s just very daunting as I am extremely happy and don’t want this to be the end of us. But I feel that I need to tell him and want to be honest.

Have any of you been in this situation? Or perhaps been on the receiving end of being told that your OH is in debt??
Any advice/opinions would be very welcome.
Thanks Cherry

thefoolonthehill

Dont really have any advice but wanted to say good luck. I think it will be better for you to be honest now rather than in x years time

If they choose not to stand by you then i think you are probably better off without them. All relationship have up and down times, it is the down times that make the up times so special

Tee_Jay

You got into debt to extricate yourself from your previous relationship, which is understandable. You are also doing what you can to clear it ASAP. If your new partner is genuinely with you for the right reasons, then it won't be an issue. Just do it!!

Fingers crossed for you, and hope you are pleasantly relieved soon!

dumpy

I'd tell them and explain that you ran up some debt as a result of your previous relationship. Say that you know how it happened and you have this plan in place to resolve the issue.

Point out how far you have come and what your timescale is for paying it all off and what steps you intend to take to prevent it happening again.

If my ex had done this rather than denying there was a problem, hiding things from me, spending on things he couldn't afford and lying about paying off bills, then he probably wouldn't be an ex.......

Good luck

glitterlea

Hi,
Just wanted to say that I'd tell him sooner rather than later. I think that it will be better for him to know about it now rather than find out x amount of months/years down the line.

I hid my debt from my fiance and when he did find out, he was (understandably) very cross/angry/shocked with me. I nearly lost him over it and things still aren't 100% great now (he found out last month)#

I'm sure you're new partner will appreciate you coming clean about it all.

Good luck x

ElusiveLucy

Definitely tell your partner sooner rather than later. There is a specific reason you are in the situation you are in and you sound as though you are being very sensible about sorting it out. If you mean something to them then they will see it is all under control and accept it. If they don't then they probably weren't the right person for you anyway.

My ex had no idea about money, used to buy whatever he felt like, got through a redundancy payment of 1.5 times his salary in 18 months (whilst working full time) and lied about it all the way along. Nothing like your situation, I know, but if he'd been open and honest we could have worked through it together.

CherryPerry

Thank you everybody for your replies. I have made a decision to tell him next time I see him. TBH it is playing on my mind alot and I think I will feel like a weight has been lifted by telling him, even if the reaction I get is not as I would like. I will keep you updated. Thanks again

Rainy_2

Best of luck CherryPerry.

I've been trying to hide my debts from my partner since last year and it is so draining. I'm going to gather up some courage to sit down and talk it through with him. I wish I had been honest from the start but tried to protect him, which just looks bad as been going on so long.

Please keep us updated on how it goes!

silentsmile

Best of luck Cherry, I would definitely tell him sooner rather than later. I got into financial difficulty because of an ex 5 years ago (he spent £4000 on my CC, and I ended up defaulting) and I told Mr SS pretty soon in that whilst I'm not doing too badly now, my credit history isn't great because of said default.

I know it's not quite the same but if your partner is with you for the right reasons, plus your debt is the result of a relationship that broke down, they should understand.

spykey_uk

My OH (now fiance) told me when we started dating that he was around £10k in debt, but that he was trying to get himself out of it. I didn't mind because I could see he was genuinely trying to pay it off, and was happy to help him.

I think if he's the right one he'll understand, but agree that its better to tell him sooner rather than later xxx

Pollycat

I agree with everyone else, Cherryperry - bite the bullet and tell him next time you see him.

Although you may feel bad about being in debt, it's not as though you went crazy with your credit cards and bought loads of clothes and shoes you'd never wear or had exotic holidays - there's a very good reason that you have the debt.
I assume that you ended up with something tangible (e.g. house) as a result of paying your ex off.

And the fact that you're working hard and have cleared half of the debt should speak volumes about your character.

Hope it goes well for you.