Trying to move on

beinggood_2

Time to start my diary to keep motived!

I have a DMP and currently have about 8k debt left to pay. My job is pretty low paid, although I love it, and I'm currently looking for an evening job to start supplementing my income.

I currently live with my boyfriend, but things are not working between us and haven't been right for a long time. He is a nice enough guy, but is the laziest person i have ever met, and I'm expected to do all the cleaning, washing, shopping, cooking, etc whilst he sits around watching tv or goes down the pub. I'm also expected to keep all our joint finances in order, as he 'can't deal with all that stuff'. I'm so fed up with working full time, running a house, trying to fit in seeing friends and family, studying for a degree and keeping an allotment going with absolutely no help. I wouldn't mind doing all these things if I was living on my own, but being in a relationship, it's not fair and i'm feeling really ground down.

I have tried to talk to him about how I feel, but he just shouts 'here we go again' and goes to the pub. He did admit to me once it was his selfish behaviour that cost him his last long term relationship, but he can't change.

He also doesn't like me going out with my mates, and last time I got a bar job to try and make some extra money, he made my life such a misery with his jealous behaviour, I gave it up.

Anyhoo, the point is i can't afford to move out, with regard to paying a deposit and first months rent. Currently it costs £600 a month for my half of the rent, council tax and bills, and with my DMP on top, plus own expenses (car, cats, etc) I'm left with about £150 a month, out of which I have to supply the food for us both. I know any savings I can scrape together should all go on my DMP but I can't seriously see myself being in this living situation for much longer, so I need to get at least £2k together so I can leave.

My partner knows I'm not happy, and we are always arguing about his lack of activity. I haven't told him what I'm going to do, but after his comment last week that I'm stuck with him, so get used to it, I don't feel that guilty. Part of me also knows that because I don't love him, being with him is stopping him meeting someone that would really care about him and make him happy.

So, major saving starting today. Have given up smoking from today, which will save a fortune, so have gotta find other ways to get the cash. Gotta get that brain working, but all ideas welcome!!!!

xxxxxxxx

westiedog

Hi there

Your boyfriend sounds just like mine. Mine does nothing other that watch tv, sleep and eat. Im currently trying to save a bit of money which was to pay lumps from my debts however during the past few days I think iam going put money towards a running away fund xx :T

urg123

Hi Beinggood

It must be horrid for you. I wish you well with your challenge. Post your SOA if you would like some advice on shaving a bit more off. Part of me says that your OH should have to at least pay for his own food!

Look at other ways of upping your income - survey sits, mystery shopping, selling surplus 'stuff'.

Good luck

urg x x

ClootiesMum

Hi beinggood,

You seem to have a rough deal there - would only doing washing/shopping & cooking for yourself prompt him to move his a%$e or would that just lead to arguments? - It might be worth a try..

CM

Fire_Fox

Have you completed a Statement of Affairs yet? Bet there is wiggle room in that budget ....

Stop doing his washing, stop cooking for him and stop buying any food or toiletries specifically for him. Buy food you like, cook food you enjoy, eat when you are ready to irrespective if he is still down the pub. Keep your finances in order and ignore his car, his bank account, if you have satellite TV cancel the contract, anything that affects him. Don't have a discussion or row about these chores, just stop. He is like this because you are enabling him! If he asks why you haven't done x, ask him politely why he hasn't.

claire0788

Also what Fire Fox forgot to say is that guys are tools... boooooo men ! =P

londongirl1984

Hi Beinggood

Just wanted to show my support. I know exactly how you feel having been in that situation myself. What exactly do you want, is it to save some money to move out or start paying more towards your DMP? My two goals are the exact same, and I know it's hard to try and decide between the two.

With regards to your boyfriend...he sounds like a wrong' un to me (no offence). To be lazy is one thing, most men are as they get comfortable living with someone and take a back seat. However, making you feel guilty for seeing friends/family is not on, and it sounds like he's quite controlling if you ask me. When I first moved out with my boyfriend he was exactly the same, although he smoked weed at the time which probably didnt help. But even going for drinks after work would turn into an arguement. Thankfully we've turned a corner and are now saving to move out again (having had to mvove back to parents).

All I can say, is you need to focus on yourself. You've said you no longer love him, so just focus on putting money aside for you - whatever it is whether it's paying debts or moving out. Stop doing things for him, maybe he'll learn. But only do this if you're comfortable with it. I'm only saying this because a friend of mine once did the same and it backfired when he completely switched and turned violent. Not saying the same applies to you, but just dont do anything your not comfortable with. He knows what his flaws are if he's admitted to losing a previous girlfriend the same way - he obviously doesnt care enough to want to change. If you love someone and you see it slipping away, you want to do as much as you can to preserve things. Sounds to me like he's happy for you to do all the running.

Good luck with the smoking too. I have yet to be brave enough to do that, but no doubt it will save you loads - just make sure you dont spend the would be fag money on something else!

Good luck with everything!