stopping payments

ravanelli_2

Hi all
I would be very grateful for some advice. I have been paying maintenance to my ex wife since 1994 as we have 2 children. I am still paying monthly, and this was an amicable agreement between my ex and myself since day one , with no CSA involement at all. My daughter will be 19 this month, and is currently at university, having completed her first year. She is at home for the summer break, working what seems like almost fulltime. My son is 22 and receives adult education as he has learning difficulites. No doubt my ex claims various benefits because of this. He lives at home with his mother, who re-married many years ago and has other children.

My question is, when could I stop the payments?

plinky1

Normal it would be when they are out of full time education.

As your daughter is now 19 and you have an agreement with your wife which has worked great by the sounds of it..why dont you talk to your ex about giving a sum to your daughter direct each week/month and as she is working full time over the summer your daughter should be thinking about a contrabution towards her keep at home.

Your son on the otherhand you will need advice about as he is in adult education and you say he has learning difficulties...your wife no doubt is in receipt of payment for your sons keep in benefits as he is now an adult.

I think the gesture of a reduced amount of what you are maybe paying for your son....thing is though is it causing you financial hardship what you are paying now?? If not, then put the money into an account for your son.

I had to pay board to my parents when I was 16 years old and earning only £29.50 per week and still studying.
My Bio father never paid any CM to my mother in the nine years he was meant to.
So I think it is great that you have made a great effort with your kids.

Blonde_Bint

Me too. I agree with that there is nothing wrong with that. I went on to college whilst at college my parents supported me and when I left college I paid money to my parents towards the household.

While I looked for a job I signed on, cant remember how much it was (not much obviously) but I gave my mum and dad some of it every week. It wasnt about the money the point was I paid towards the household what I could. I didnt expect my parents to pay for me forever now I was an adult.

smartpicture

I can't comment on when payments should officially stop, but I can tell you this as the mother of a 19-year-old at Uni.

Even though she has a summer holiday job, it costs me more to support her now than at any other age. There is absolutely no possibility of her paying towards her keep during the 5 months she lives at home during the year, without increasing the already ridiculous amount she will end up in debt at the end of Uni. The amount of grant / loan available now is so low that the money she earns in the holidays is crucial to funding her living expenses at Uni for the rest of the year (she still has to pay 12 months rent etc, even if she's living at home for holidays). And this is based on a daughter who doesn't drink, unlike a typical student.

It's up to you whether you decide to continue paying, but you should be aware that the cost of a child doesn't necessarily reduce when they're at Uni.

frugallass

ravanelli wrote: »

My question is, when could I stop the payments?

Hi, I'm not sure about the situation with your son but I would say that you shouldn't have to pay anything for your daughter now that she is at uni (and has been there for a year)

When my step daughter starts uni in September we have agreed to pay her a monthly allowance.

frugallass

smartpicture wrote: »

you should be aware that the cost of a child doesn't necessarily reduce when they're at Uni.

but at the same time it's not the NRP's responsibility to fund her university education - it's a choice (just like going to going to university is a choice) - liability has to cease at some point

smartpicture

frugallass wrote: »

but at the same time it's not the NRP's responsibility to fund her university education - it's a choice (just like going to going to university is a choice) - liability has to cease at some point

I understand what you're saying, and I'm sure that legally you are correct, but I'm afraid I can't agree with it. If the parents had stayed together, they would both have helped fund the Uni education - just because one parent is not living there anymore, it doesn't mean they stop being a parent, or that the other parent is solely responsible for any necessary financial help to their joint child. I do agree though that it would be more appropriate to give the allowance directly to the child once they are at Uni, as there is no need for the mother to be involved at that point.

kelloggs36

smartpicture wrote: »

I can't comment on when payments should officially stop, but I can tell you this as the mother of a 19-year-old at Uni.

Even though she has a summer holiday job, it costs me more to support her now than at any other age. There is absolutely no possibility of her paying towards her keep during the 5 months she lives at home during the year, without increasing the already ridiculous amount she will end up in debt at the end of Uni. The amount of grant / loan available now is so low that the money she earns in the holidays is crucial to funding her living expenses at Uni for the rest of the year (she still has to pay 12 months rent etc, even if she's living at home for holidays). And this is based on a daughter who doesn't drink, unlike a typical student.

It's up to you whether you decide to continue paying, but you should be aware that the cost of a child doesn't necessarily reduce when they're at Uni.

I totally agree - I am in the same situation and to cap it all off there are NO provisions in terms of child benefit and the like to help out. My DD has been extremely lucky this year (just about to go into her final year) as she has actually found a summer job - packing and cleaning via an agency. This money is essential for her to pay her rent as she just cannot survive otherwise and would be evicted from her shared house. She has been unlucky for the past 2 years and has been totally reliant on her student loan which is not enough to feed a mouse, let alone a fully grown adult!!! Her rent takes up 90% of her loan.

frugallass

smartpicture wrote: »

I understand what you're saying, and I'm sure that legally you are correct, but I'm afraid I can't agree with it. If the parents had stayed together, they would both have helped fund the Uni education - just because one parent is not living there anymore, it doesn't mean they stop being a parent, or that the other parent is solely responsible for any necessary financial help to their joint child. I do agree though that it would be more appropriate to give the allowance directly to the child once they are at Uni, as there is no need for the mother to be involved at that point.

You have a very valid point - however, it all depends on the family circumstances I suppose - both hubby and I have a child each from previous relationships - his ex-wife remarried and had another child and has a great lifestyle, she has never consulted hubby on anything his daughter has done up to now and all of a sudden feels that he should contribute (to the ex wife) to help fund her uni education. Yeah right ! We have compromised and agreed to provide his daughter with an allowance, into her own account.

My daughter will probably not go to university and once the CSA liability ceases I will not be asking her father for contributions towards her keep (her step-dad and myself take responsibility for that).

I do not expect my ex to contribute anything when he liability ceases but anything he does contribute will be a bonus and much appreciated.

Blue_Horizon

Some really interesting points here. You can't help bringing your own expeience on this one. I feel that it is right for the NRP to continue to financially his/her children after the CSA regulations cease to apply. I also realise that this may not be possible for some depending on their own money situation. In my case I will do what I can as hopefully my daughter will get the grades to get into University next year and I hope to help with a payment on a monthly basis. I should also say that my ability to do something has been greatly impacted by the result of the divorce settlement. I have also had to battle with the CSA on a number of occassions to ensure I'm getting a fair deal.

I guess not all NRP's and PWC's are alike and we all have problems to face.