CSA help needed! :-(

donna8721

I dont quite know what to do next, so I thought I would throw my story out in the open for a bit of advice.

My ex husband & I split up in 2005, we have 2 children together, (DS 8, DD 7) for over 18 months I had no financial support from him, however, at the time I accepted the fact that he was seeing the children every other weekend and doing a 480 mile round trip to maintain contact (the split was messy, I ended up in a womens refuge several hundred miles away, but I still believed that my ex was a good father and wanted the best for my children)

Eighteen months later, the contact the children was having was once every 6 weeks, I also passed my driving test, so I began to do half of the trips, but despite asking my ex on a regular basis for financial support for the children, he refused. So I asked the CSA for help, they where brilliant the 1st time round, and a payment schedule was put in place extremely quickly. My ex subsequently hit the roof, made various threats against me, and then offered to pay me directly (the amount offered was a lower amount than the CSA had awarded me, but I suppose I took pity on my ex and anything is better than nothing).

The direct payments lasted just 5 months. The ex then claimed he had lost his job, access visits dropped from every 6 weeks to once every 3 months, so I then began doing all the the driving to ensure that my children saw their father. In the meantime I rang the CSA in May 2008 and informed them he had stopped paying me directly and requested them to get involved again, which they said they would do but told me it may take a while to sort out and asked me to be patient.

During 2008 I had some personal problems which meant that the CSA was the least of my priorities, but at the start of 2009 several of my ex's "stories" about being unemployed where not quite ringing true, it was then I found out that he had been lying to me and working 2 jobs for over 5 months!

I called the CSA to see what was going on, I was told that due to a clerical error the payments schedules had been issued and then the case had been closed on their system, so they where unable to backdate any monies owing and could only start the claims process from that day. I ended up sat in my car crying my eyes out & I was put through to a horrible woman claiming to be a supervisor who told me "it was my own silly fault for not ringing sooner!" She demanded to know all of my reasons as to why I hadnt chased the case up sooner (domestic violence isnt a good enough reason apparently) and generally was unable to display an ounce of empathy to my situation.

An hour or so later I got another call from someone else within the CSA apologising. She claimed I had been given the wrong information, the payment schedules where never completed so my ex was in fact liable for the 10 months backdate of payments and she was going to fast track the re-calculation and immediately ring my ex for his new employment details. 10 minutes later I got an abusive phonecall from my ex and also a return call from the CSA informing me he had been un-coperative and refused to disclose any details.

In the meantime the CSA approached the inland revenue to see where he is working and they have come back with nothing, my ex is still refusing to disclose any details (I know one of his jobs is "self employed" and knowing him he wont be disclosing it to the relevant people) but I dont know anything about his fulltime day job so the case is in total limbo.

The CSA claim they are currently awaiting a court date for a liability order, after they have obtained this they then plan to send baliffs to his address if he is still refusing to pay up, however, my ex has very kindly informed me that he no longer has anything of value in his name after he was found guilty of benefit fraud last year, so despite me telling them this is pointless they are ignoring me.

This post must sound really complicated, and I do apologise, but is there something Im missing with regards to the CSA?? Obviously I am aware that its my ex husbands uncooperative nature that is now holding things up but surely there must be another way around this? I rang them earlier and asked if there was a way of making an "interim" payment schedule in the abscence of all of his details (if a letter dropped through his door tomorrow saying he had to pay me 100 pounds a week, he would be on the phone in 10 minutes flat giving his full work details as I know he isnt earning enough to give me that each week!) however, the guy I got on the phone started wittering on about a penalty assessment and then called me back to say my caseworker had said no due to the fact that once she goes down that road she cant get the baliffs involved....but he has nothing in his name anyway so its pointless!!

I'm just at the stage now where this is mentally draining me. Both myself and my father have received threats from him since the CSA got involved, Im actually in court with him next week to try & get an injunction out on him. Yet its not me who's heart is breaking, its my 2 children who are being deprived of a father right now (he told them "mummy is a liar" last time they spoke to him because he doesnt have a job and the reason why they dont see him is because of me)

I suppose I'd just like a fresh pair of eyes to see this story n maybe help me look at things in a different perspective because right now Im ready to throw the towel in and drop the whole thing. Im sure the CSA can go down another road but are choosing not to for some reason but Im not really clued up on this sort of thing.

If anyone has any advice, Id be really grateful right now.

Thanks.
Donna

Blonde_Bint

Oh Donna, you have all my sympathy love. Hang in there, through all of it your managing to keep it together and thats admirable. You should feel good about yourself that you are not like him he has resorted to the old its your mums fault tactic, let him go down that road alone because it will bite him on the ar se one day.

You wait for Kelloggs she'll stick you straight, while you wait help yourself to the mountains of past threads, its a lonely place for you right now and you might feel less so if you read how it turned out for others. It helped me look at some things differently. I'm keeping them crossed for you.

Binty x

kelloggs36

Hi there. Your ex sounds like a catch!!!!!! So they have the arrears which they are taking him to court over - once they have the liability order they wll try bailiffs but that will probably get sent back with nothing. The next step is to get a charging order over any property he may have - if he doesn't have any they will go for committal. That may frighten him enough to pay up.

Snatch14

Keep on in there. I have lost count the amount of times I have wanted to throw the towel in - but don't!
My claim has been with the CSA since 2001 and I still haven't had a penny. I am at the stage now where my case finally went to court this week - he didn't show so a warrant has been issued for his arrest without bail.
I have had to do a lot of the chasing and work myself as the CSA just don't have the ways or means of doing so. I have used my local MP and fought everyway possible to get it into court. I would not be where I am now if I hadn't taken an active role in this.
My advice - keep a record of every conversation you have with the CSA, ring them weekly, just keep pushing and pushing them. In the past, and mainly through utter frustration, I have had many a heated conversation with members of the CSA. I have learnt to appeal to their better nature and be nice, get to know them and they will go that extra mile. My key message to them is that I am never going to give up or go away.
DON'T GIVE UP!

kelloggs36

My ex didn't want to pay either - it took 7 years to get the money after he was taken to court for committal to prison - he soon paid up then!! They are preparing to do this again over the last £2k he owes me so it will be interesting to see if he comes up with anything again!

SuziQ

I never recieved anything from my first husband for the last 12 years. The CSA couldn't help as he was self-employed,kept changing his address and Nat Ins number apparently-the children have told me he has a passport in a different name now as well. As I was working in a well paid job for most of that time I just got on with it,and like you encouraged him to have as much contact with the kids as he was willing to have. I have gone from feeling bitter about this (he goes off on regular holidays abroad every year (never takes the kids) which I feel I am funding) to feeling that there is no point feeling that way as it hurts me,not him. The kids do feel their dad was very mean through all this. He has started to pay some monmey towards our oldest is who at Uni now-but that has made the younger one resentful as his sister gets,and he doesn't!

I know others on here have stuck at it and have even managed to get thousands in back support in this situation,but the CSA just closed the case on me and despite my best efforst they said they would not keep wasting time trying to chase 'the invisible man' as they called him! I am on amicable terms with my ex now and he laughs about it-however about a year ago during an amicable conversation, I listed all the things our kids had been unable to attend due to lack of funds-he went very quiet and had the decency to look a bit upset. He said if I had asked him he would have contributed-he had totally forgotten that I HAD asked him and he always cut the conversation dead before I could give details by slamming the pho9ne down.

Are you working,do you get any benefits? If you were receiving benefits during some of the time then you would have recieved maintenance for the kids in that-not much I admit.

I personally wouldn't have stuck it out as long as you,especially given the threats etc,so I take my hat off to you!

I do wonder though-is this how you want to go on,possible for years? Or is it worth cutting your losses like I did and carrying on supporting the children on your own efforts. I am actually quite proud looking back at how I coped,admittedly,unlike now,I did have a good job as a Health Visitor at the time.

donna8721

Thank you so much for all of your comments, I know I'd personally love to lay blame with the CSA for lack of incompetancy etc, however, despite one nightmare CSA advisor and several others telling me not to ring & pester, the CSA have been great. I finally have my own caseworker (as this is now seen as a "complex" case) however, I just feel that its going to take at least another year before my ex gets the wake up all he needs to start paying.

I found out a few months ago that the house he claims he is renting from a local housing association is in fact a shared ownership property, with him and his partner owning 50% of the house. That is the only asset he has, but I dont even know if that is in his name!

As the CSA keep telling me, they have to do everything by the book, which I want anyway, however, do they have to go down the baliff route first when I know he is already "1 step ahead of the game?"

I do work full time, but the money isnt brilliant so my children have to go without, but they dont complain, and nor do I. As hopefully by them seeing that mum works as hard as she can to provide for them, it will install them with the right sort of morals when they are all grown up. I also have a great fiance who I am hoping to marry next year....so its not all doom and gloom!!

Thanks once again for all of your messages and advice, I have read some true horror stories which seem to pale mine into insignificance! Fingers crossed, come Monday the injunction may just scare my ex into keeping his threats to himself and I can concentrate on bringing my children up, if the courts dont award the injunction though, I may just have to reconsider. I've been at the receiving end of his threats before, and it rather hurts!!!!

Blonde_Bint

I hear what Kelloggs and Suziq are both saying. Its a hard slog and you are the one that has to live in it while its going on.

I'm split both ways on this, I admire Kelloggs's up and att em and keep on for what is only fair and right stand, but alas I think I would go the I want a peaceful life route a la Suziq both have their merits. For me a battle with no end in sight would wear me down. Suzi eventually got a little what goes around seeing his face when he had to confront the fact he was a pr*ck he can never get away from that fact. It will stay with him forever.

kelloggs36

To me, the point is that I had nothing to lose. Yes it may have been stressful when I was speaking to the CSA, but I wasn't the one who stood to lose anything at all - I may as well fight on until the bitter end. I couldn't get less than I was getting, so anything other than that was a bonus and it paid off in the end - big time.

Mips

Hang in there and like Kellogs, fight to the bitter end!

xx

Blonde_Bint

kelloggs36 wrote: »

To me, the point is that I had nothing to lose. Yes it may have been stressful when I was speaking to the CSA, but I wasn't the one who stood to lose anything at all - I may as well fight on until the bitter end. I couldn't get less than I was getting, so anything other than that was a bonus and it paid off in the end - big time.

You've got more fight in you than I have lol. you must be decended from Oliver Cromwell he was a bit good in that direction too:beer:

You are right though, fact of the matter is you had nothing to lose and something to gain if you were lucky a lot to gain, but you had to put the graft in, the mental graft that is. It didnt come to you for free you put in loads of sheer mental graft. lol I have half of that last point, sadly i'm missing the graft part lol :rotfl: