extras on top of maintence?

archnme

bit of a complicated one. My husband pays his ex 140 through csa but also gives her 40for pocket money for him a month. She is on benefits, has 4 kids, 2with her current partner who 'unofficially' lives with her but also works full time, now i know out of that csa money she will ooly get 80 but she prob also keeps the extra 40which is paid by dd to son's bank account. the prob is the last 6-7month she has been asking for extra's , one month it was 75for a school trip, then it was 100for spending money for a hol abroad that they were taking him on, last month it was 80for a berghaus coat, this month its 80towards his birthday party that we havent been invited too. Now in my eyes i think my husband is been takin for a fool, but as he's soft n doesnt like to say no incase she stops him seeing his son, he keeps payin these amounts. Does anyone think she's taking the mick or is it me been silly?

Zara33

She's taking the mick and if he lets her carry on it will never stop.

brians_daughter

1st and foremost they are committing benefit fraud and stealing our money! I would be reporting that one! Not because i am sneaky but it is an offence

2nd it depends on what you and hubby are happy doing.. but surely you can see the theory that if she asks and gets she will keep asking! If you state you cant afford £80 as you pay maintenance and also give pocket money you are being more than fair. As for school trips etc if they are once every blue moon then maybe it isnt unreasonable to contribute to the cost but not pay in full.. esp if step child gets pocket money!!

I would love to pack in work and go on benefits if i could afford holidays we both work ft and cant afford to eat by month end let alone holidays!!

They are obviously not struggling as she will have all her benefits aetc and a full time wage coming in..plus maintenance and extras..she must be laughing her socks off!!

How old is your step child?

sidefx

She is definitely taking advantage of his good nature, and his fear of losing contact with his son!

You need to talk to him, he is giving her well over what she is entitled to. If she keeps asking for 'extras' he should maybe consider stopping the pocket money. Why on earth should he pay for a party he isn't even invited to!

archnme

im so glad its not me been the unreasonable wifey. Yes we aren't struggling but not rolling in money either we cant afford hols abroad. I would like to report her but we live in a small town n she would cause problems. Stepson is 10nearly, i had suggested giving him money when he stays with us all wkend but hubby thinks its gettin saved for his future.ha ha. Thanks for the replies.

archnme

im so glad its not me been the unreasonable wifey. Yes we aren't struggling but not rolling in money either we cant afford hols abroad. I would like to report her but we live in a small town n she would cause problems. Stepson is 10nearly, i had suggested giving him money when he stays with us all wkend but hubby thinks its gettin saved for his future.ha ha. Thanks for the replies.

sidefx

archnme wrote: »

im so glad its not me been the unreasonable wifey. Yes we aren't struggling but not rolling in money either we cant afford hols abroad. I would like to report her but we live in a small town n she would cause problems. Stepson is 10nearly, i had suggested giving him money when he stays with us all wkend but hubby thinks its gettin saved for his future.ha ha. Thanks for the replies.

If he is saving for the child's future, why doesn't he open a savings account for him so his ex does not have access to the money.

I think just giving him pocket money when he stays with you is a good idea. At least you know he is definitely getting the money, not his mum!

dizzydusty

Not only will she be getting income support as a lone parent, she will be getting free school meals, clothing grant, free dental treatment, council tax paid, rent (if applicable) paid, possibly free school dinners. She then has 'unofficial' partners income, (which would null and void all of the above if it was declared, as he is working full time.) As you say she may also be dipping into the sons bank account and using the £40. Does she get maintenance from the 'partner' for the two kids she had with him or is he working and claiming benefit too?

I would have no hesitation in phoning the benefit hotline and reporting her.

Think of it this way, not only is your husband paying his maintenance, plus the pocket money he pays into his sons bank account, but as a tax payer he is ultimately help pay for her benefits too.

Dizzy

archnme

her 1st hasnt got a dad, didnt know who it was, so no maintence for 1st, the 3rd and 4th is the dad who lives with them so obviously he pays for things for them, i know i should report her and think i will do online, but she is the type to put paint stripper over your car, break windows and generally cause misery.

brians_daughter

i have a NRP just like your hubbies ex.. but do it (we have recently had a camera installed on our property since involving csa as cars have been keyed, tyres slashed - even our shed burned down with all kids toys in it etc we paid just under £300 its very discreet and we can now record 24/7 and if anything happens we now have proof, not that we should NEED to do it but we chose to just inase)!

You need to report her, not to get one over on her, but as an upstanding citizen knowing there is fraud going on. If you call they do not ask any deatails, or so i am lead to believe i have never reported anyone - but only because i have never needed to.

I would give ss £s when at your home for treats ie magazines/cinema etc say £5pw and put the other £5pw into a savings account for when he is 18 or even 21. £5pw for 11years almost £3000 plus interest!! Thats a great help to some one who is at uni or starting out in life - it would help with driving lessons, a car or even a holiday!