Help!!!! SOA added now

needtoshopgal

I am unable to stop shopping. It sounds so pathetic but I just shop all the time. If I go out to buy milk I come back having spent £30 or £40. A trip into town and I can do £100 without noticing. I sit on the PC during the day and trawl Ebay or shopping sites and just buy stuff, for the kids, for me, for the house. I am a housewife and my husband trusts me to control the finances and we are so badly in debt now. We manage to pay the bills, just, but any extra expenses like car bills and kids shoes all go on the credit cards and we are now about £30 grand in debt plus the mortgage. If I could control my spending we would probably manage to crawl out of this at some point, but at the moment I can't see that we ever will.
I don't know what to do, or how to stop spending.

fizzel81

a suggestion made to me the other day when i first posted was to keep a notebook and write down everything i spent, there are some really experanced people on here who will be able to make suggestions and to help you work through this, does your husband know how bad things are ie have you told him the full extent?

Anniek1969

You need to find the reason behind your spending, if you are like me it was a way of making myself feel better. I wouldn't buy things for me but I'd buy things for the kids and my husband that they didn't need or I'd talk him into booking a holiday that we couldn't afford and then we'd all need new clothes to go on holiday. He trusted me with our finances and we got into a real mess, he still trusts me with our finances but he does ask more questions now when we go out to buy something. I was just so bored, I had worked full time for 5 years and then gave up work completely and I just got so bored it was a way of giving me a bit of a thrill especially when I got a bargain.

You have to write down everything that you owe and look at why you bought the things you did. I think when you look at what you owe it will be a big shock but it really is the only way to face it. Then you must speak to your husband and tell him how bad things are, I know you might be a bit frightened to do this but from my own experience it really took a big weight off my shoulders and I felt so much better from sharing this. Then you could try and talk to him about when you spend and what you're spending on and you might find the answer to why you do it.

The fact that you've posted this on here shows that you know you have a problem and you're already starting to face up to it. Well done.

When you know how much debt you're really in why don't you post your full SOA with all your incomings and outgoings and there will be plenty of people here to offer you advice about how to go about repaying these debts. People here are very helpful and understanding so if you need any help of maybe just a bit of support you'll definately get it here.

lou_lou_skinty_poos

maybe you should sit down with ure husband and tell him about ure spending and ure debt and see if he can take control of the finances. or call the national debt line or cccs or give https://www.payplan.com a visit for FREE advice about ure debt try not to stress out to much at least ure aware of the problem and want to do sumthing about it.

kazmac_3

Hi there....let me just say, try and calm down and i want to let you know that we (or an awful lot of us) are in the same boat as you. This site has been a major kick up the you know what for me, I didnt really give much thought to spending either. ...it wasn't that I didn't care...I just never slowed down enough to take it all in!!!!

My hubby sounds the same as yours, although i think he was happy to have the nice things without worrying about how they were paid for...ostrich and sand comes to mind! I discovered this site about three months ago, but eventually joined only a couple of weeks ago after deciding to take the bull by the horns and go for it. This may not be for you but heres how I've started off.

1) Read through some of the success stories on this site, people have really been in dire straits but with help from everyone else on here and of course determination, have managed to turn their finances around

2) List your debts all together, no cheating (!), and have a large drink :rotfl: .
This might take you a while, but persevere. Then go onto https://www.whatsthecost.co.uk and type in all of your debts on the 'snowball calculator'.(left hand side of the main screen) This is an excellent tool, and together with the total amount you can pay, it will list exactly what you should be paying, how much, in what order etc. They will give you a 'debt free day' too, although this may sound like light years away, it will come! (Mine is 2011 or something!!) Thats without the mortgage. Other debts total approx 20k

3) Then sfter you've done this, go onto the 'mortgage calculator' thread to see, after you have totalled up your outgoings, if you might be able to pay just that teeny bit extra a month.....dont worry if its all too fast or too much for you all at once...take it step by step.

4) Give yourself a huge pat on the back for posting on here and becoming a part of this brilliant support network!!! :T :T :T

Feel free to email me or send a message if you just want to rant or anything else...GOOD LUCK!!!!

needtoshopgal

Thanks everyone. Anniek you are right, for me it's boredom too. I worked fulltime for 12 years prior to having my eldest, I have been a stay at home mom now for 6 years. I love my kids, and I have no intention of leaving them with a childminder, but I guess its getting time for me to start thinking about going back to work at some point!! My youngest is just 1, so it won't be for a while yet. My DH works irregular shifts so I can't work evenings or anything either.

Our debts are as follows:
Loan £16927.04 (interest front loaded so now in effect 0%) repayments £162.76

HP for sofa 1319.22 21 payments to go at £62.82 0%

Credit card 1 (virgin) £6000 (maxxed out) 0% until July then 15.9% (hoping to tart but not sure if we will get another card)

Debt company (this was for a loan I took out for my ex who then ran off and left me, sadly it's in my name so I have to clear it, debt company tracked me down recently) £4250 paying £50/month voluntarily, not a CCJ.

Next £100 at 30%

Credit Card 2 £500 (maxxed) This had a limit of £9500 but I reduced it to £500 to avoid temptation of spending on it. 11.95%

Overdraft £1000

We also have a Tesco credit card with a limit of £3500 and a £0 balance.

In we get
about £1200 DH salary
£450 CSA
£160 Child benefit. Total in £1810
We used to get tax credits but they cocked up last years so I think we were overpaid so don't think we will get any this year.

Our outgoings are as follows:
Mortgage £560
Council tax £80.10
Water rates £30
Gas/electric £60
Endowment 1 £20
Endowment 2 £14
CTF £10
Build/cont ins £31.42
TV lic £10.99
Phone and internet £36 (includes all calls and broadband)
Car ins £20
Mobile £25.99 (but line rental on cashback offer, 9 months free, then will change to PAYG)
Breakdown cover £13
Total DDs £881.50

Loan £162.76
Debt company £50
HP £62.86
Total debt payment £275

Household outgoings:
Kids swimming lessons £17
Holiday £50 (this is already booked)
Car tax/repairs £70 (we have 2 cars and yes we do need them both)
Fuel £80 (this is for DH commute to work)
Grocery £300
Birthdays £20
Clothes £20
Christmas £20
Days out £20
Total other outgoings: £597

Total out each month £1753.50

So, as you can see we are doing okay-ish if it wasn't for my spending. There isn't a huge amount spare but we could be clearing our debts slowly. My DH can do overtime which is quite lucrative, and we could chuck that at our debts, but at the moment we are just increasing our debts by my spending.

tyllwyd

Hi! You have done the first thing by admitting that you are overspending. If you were coming here saying that you were bulimic, or addicted to gambling, or addicted to alcohol, there would be lots of charities that we could recommend, but overspending doesn't seem to be treated in the same way. But if you feel that it is an addiction, and you know you shouldn't do it but you still do, then maybe you need to think about it and face up to it in the same way as if it was one of the other addictions. Do you think that it is at a stage where counselling would help?

Have you sat down with your husband and talked the situation over with him? He mightn't know the full extent now, but he will eventually if you carry on as you are, so you may as well face up to it now so that he can help you.

What would happen if you threw out all your catalogues, gave your credit cards to your husband, packed up the pc and put it in the garage so you couldn't shop online?

I know what it is like to be bored at home with the children and using shopping to distract myself (and if I'm not shopping, I'm spending time on forums like this one, probably using one addiction to replace another). How about changing your focus - instead of shopping online, why not look into ways of making money online, by finding freebie sites, writing for consumer review sites, writing letters to magazines, entering competitions. Or join a playgroup committtee, or the PTA at a school, or start up your own little business. If you can throw your energy into a different direction, maybe that would help.

lynzpower

Hullo there,

I thought I couldnt stop shopping, a trait inherited from my darling mother.

But, since finding this site, I can. I think, what would my fellow MSEers think if I bought something I dont need. Here is a crew of people all struggling like I am, so I dont need to spend to be happy anymore and that "new stuff" isnt as important as getting my debt down. if someone had have said that to me a month ago Id have tohught you were having me on.

One thing overspenders always have ( me included) is stuff you can sell. Barely worn clothes? Videos, books toys? and so on? Could you do a boot sale? Or ebay some stuff? I found when I was selling stuff on ebay, I wasnt buying, too busy checking whats selling and whats not etc, packing up the parcels, popping to the post office. Sounds nothing but it is TIME CONSUMING which is the biggest grumble from MSErs!
But times what youve got! Of course, do the survey sites and pay per-clicks. Check out the referrers board for loads of info on that. Also you could get some free films through DVD tarting, and watch those to take up time. More enjoyable when they are free. PLus the freebies section of these boards, send off for stuff, and get yourself some freebies. You'll get that same buzz when you get sometrhing for nothing through the door ( i got some lovely smellies this morning :j )

Is there any chance you can get a part time job? If you are working 15 hours a week say, thats 15 hours you cant spend.

All the best of luck
Lynz
x

oops_a_daisy

Hi Needtoshop - welcome to the debt free wannabe threads. Well done for putting everything down. After having a quick look at your SOA you may be able to make savings on gas/electric, buildings/contents insurance - look at the list down the left hand side of the screen for tips on how to do this. Note you do not have to be up to your renewal to change your insurance provider. Also your mortgage - is it the best possible ( but check there are no penalties to change ) I phoned my provider and can change but will be charged a penalty - but the savings far outweigh the penalty charge. I would suggest to go through every DD that leaves your account one by one and see if you can get a better deal. Also you will definately make savings on your grocery bill by looking at the OldStyle threads on here - Ive cut mine by 2/3. Good Luck

needtoshopgal

lynzpower wrote:

Is there any chance you can get a part time job? If you are working 15 hours a week say, thats 15 hours you cant spend.

All the best of luck
Lynz
x

Well, I am looking into doing childminding. It's something I wouldn't mind doing, I know it doesn't pay very well but I like kids and it will be a few quid in the pot, which will help!

lynzpower

I dunno, childminding seems to pay quite a bit actually, but depends where you are.In london the demand is massive!

One thing you CAN do when you are qualified & cleared ( you have to have Ofsted round to do an inspection, youll get more info on this, nothing much to worry about) is to get yourself known by the local children & families social work team, if there are not many nursery places in your area, social services often pay the childminder a slightly higher rate instead of having to find a nursery placement. Speak to your local childrens information service ( run by your council) and ask them about it. Chances are there will be plenty of free training courses ( often with childcare) that you can take advantage of. All the best with it, the UK is desperately short of decent affordable childcare!