Feeling bad...

CJV_2

I have my court date set for next Thursday, my SOA is printed, so I am all set to go. Thing is, I'm having trouble coming to terms with it all, despite the fact that I am being as pro-active as possible. If I am totally honest, and this is what is hitting me the hardest, I have been stupid with money, not to mention at times totally irresponsible. Circumstances have worked against my OH and I too, but I even made a large purchase on CC only five weeks ago. At the time we didn't realise things had become dire enough to face BR but we are sensible adults, so it was dumb, and I didn't think about it.
I am panicking that the OR will think I made the purchase on purpose, which wasn't the case. Am I the only person to have got into this through stupidity? Lots of people on here have horrible situations that have led them down this path, and in general my story is that I was a sucker for credit, and for consolidation, and now I am up the creek without a paddle. I'm not living in the land of self-pity, just curious as to whether anybody else has gotten into this from a lack of good judgement? :(:(

slowandsteady_2

I started off trying to fund my living costs while Nurse training through credit but then started borrowing off peter to pay back paul, however i had my limits stopped towards the end or id reached them. I originally consolidated everything in March 06, which didnt work as unbeknown to me dh had loads of debt so everything fell to me while i wondered where the hell his cash was going,Started borrowing on the cards again, long story, entered into debt management plan but then found out about dh debt and we physically couldnt do it and went br together.

At first i probably was a bit stupid with money but you dont realise when first handed credit.

I cant say what or might think of your purchase, maybe someone on here might have a better idea of that situation.

However you are not alone and i hope things go as well as possible for you

CJV_2

Thanks Slowandsteady, it's a real time to look at yourself!

DON79

I think we all get sucked into the "buy now, pay later" mentality and prefer not to think about the pay later bit until it's too late and it's hurting like hell! been there!

I was actually pretty responsible with credit until I got married and had kids and then it all just went totally haywire and I lost control of it. It got to the stage where I was using it just to survive paying the monthly bills and then paying back the repayments from wages each month which is no way to live. Which is why I know that BR was the best solution rather than keep struggling on with no hope of clearing debts for 50/60 years.

We all do things we regret, just have to be patient until the time is right to draw a line under it all and move onwards and upwards.

Donna

pinksnapdragon82

i know exactly how you feel we were keeping our heads above water and just getting more credit never thinking about changing our living habbits always living above our means. 6 months ago couldnt get any more credit and had to go on a DMP, learn't to live on a budget now but were only making token payments to our debts, now the mortgage has gone up £200 per month so are loosing the house and going BR.

I feel so stupid for getting in this situation, I totally hold my hands up we spent the money but at the same time, it annoys me that we were given so much without checking if we could afford it.

I am sure you will start to feel better about it all soon.
I don't post on here much but reading all the posts has made a huge difference to me
take care x

slowandsteady_2

Thats true, now we have no debt to pay, even though dh got made redundant at xmas and we now have a 5 mth old baby we STILL have some disposable income! Ive never ever had disposable income in my life. Admittedly have only just started to get straight, it has took a while but babies, housemoving, job losses etc have got in the way, but i can see that things arent as bad now even with one less income, cant believe what we were paying out, half of it probably cos of interest. Im not proud of my situation or my past but have definately learnt from it! I love this site though and have picked up loads of tips.
Have you posted your SOA on here? i know lots of the more experienced posters would be more than happy to look through it and offer any advice if you need it or would like it.

Dont worry though, im sure you have spent months or even years worrying, and it doesnt help does it? You will get through this and life will gradually get better and you will wonder what you were worrying about!

CJV_2

That's it, it just totally spiralled, the first 8k of debt was built when I was a student, and that was 'genuine' debt, I had no help with any student finance, so I had to live on credit, then another 4k of debt has been built in the last five years without clearing the first lot, but I never took control, I think I thought that I would never be able to pay it back quickly so a few more purchases would make no odds, but all the time conning myself that I would be able to take control eventually. Between loans and consolidation over the last 15 years I have managed to gain an extra 4k debt in interest, and here I am!! At least I'm not out there on my own.

Bobbledoo

Hi CJV just a quick note to say I feel exactly the same. I have just been advised by CCCS that br is my best option and to be honest I'm a bit in shock - hadn't realised how bad it was until I wrote it down. My OH and I used loans to do up our house which spiralled out of all control we thought we were on top of it and have been doing the old money shuffle for ages now. In reality we've been using credit to pay of debt. I'm terrified about telling people but I'm already feeling some relief that I'm sorting it out. I feel guilty because although I have had to change my job and halved my income, we are both still working so it seems like it is entirely our own doing. Other people will probably say I'm a fool and pass judgement (and that does bother me but shouldn't) but I have my family and I know they love me. I haven't done this to myself on purpose and I'm 100% certain nobody else on here has either. You circs are certainly not unique so don't worry I bet they've heard it all before.
Hope that helps.

CJV_2

This forum is turning into a total lifeline to me. Thanks for the responses. The weird thing about BR is it seems that the decision to take action appears to be the most difficult thing about it, i thought the actual process would be far more difficult than it has been so far, fingers crossed it will not be hell. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, eh. Good luck to everyone going through, we're all going through it together and that's an amazing comfort.

stintond

lots of people made these mistakes , including the ones on this forum. This large purchase that you made , the OR will want to know what it is and if you still have it.

CJV_2

Thanks stintond, it was an iphone to replace my other phone that was dropping to pieces (though it's still clinging to life!), and is now my only mobile as I cannot afford my Three contract; but they can take it, it really is the least of my worries right now.