What to say (or not say) to support a friend facing BR

Nenen · 1 June 2009 at 10:34PM

Hi
a good friend has just broken down and told me that her dh's business was recently declared br (although he is so devastated that he he is hiding it from everyone) and they are also in huge joint debts and have a large mortgage with negative equity so may face personal br too. Obviously her dh is now out of work although there is the possibility of a job offer or him going to uni as he would like to retrain. She is in a low salaried temp job which is ending soon and frantic with worry and stress. They don't have children and it looks likely they will lose their house as they can't pay the mortgage. I tried suggesting Citizens Advice but she says that they have taken advice and there is nothing more they can do. I have pointed them to this site and board. Unfortunately I can't help them financially but am keen to know if there is anything else anyone here who has faced br themselves feels helped or hindered them. I am worried about saying anything which would make her all too difficult situation worse.

dalip · 2 June 2009 at 4:21AM

Keep doing what you are doing.:D She could ring National Debt Line or CCC's and get some advice from them. Other than that just support her and keep listening like you are now.Dx

So_Sad_Angel · 2 June 2009 at 4:42AM

Hi Nenen

What a caring friend you are....sometimes just being there is enough.

Remember knowledge is power & if your friend gets as informed as possible then facing BR is not so daunting.

Sometimes the sheer shock of when things start to fall apart is the worst bit....well it was for me....then when I realised that there is help from CCCS/Nat Debtline/CAB that made things easier.

Biggest support for me though has been on this board....knowing that I was`nt alone & that there are folks here who know what I am going through really has kept me going. I can honestly say that without it I doubt I`d still be here.

Debt problems are as much if not more emotional than financial & your friend will be on a rollercoaster ride at the moment.

Take care, Angiex

k2nga · 2 June 2009 at 5:24AM

Yeah there is no doubt that this place is the best place to come and get advice and of course ask questions as someone will have an answer.

I have the say the best advice i could give anybody is that although it is a very scary event you should really face it head on to get everything sorted asap. My only regret was i tried to paddle my way out of debt for 15 years but still went over the waterfall in the end.

fiveyearplan · 2 June 2009 at 5:43AM

I would tell her about this board and how much help it has been to hundreds of people. If she reads enough on here it will give her so muck information and knowledge. It is the fear of the unknown that is the biggest problem and if she is informed by reading and posting on here it really will take away all of the uncertainty, fear etc.

I'd been on this board for 13 months before my BR therefore nothing came as a surprise to me and I was sleeping fitfully again without any worries.

We are all real people on here all with very different stories to tell (just don't tell her how addictive this place is!).

Holes_in_my_pocket · 2 June 2009 at 6:18AM

Like Sir Alan Sugar once said on TV there is NO SHAME is bankrutcy .. Circumstances change ..

I would add SHAME i never did it earlier could be over it now and on road to recovery. But done it now and happy. Every problem has a solution.

Dolly-Rocket · 2 June 2009 at 6:49AM

I did all my crying and sleepless nights BEFORE Br. Since then life has changed for the better. I do still suffer with the stress of it (but thats just me and the wider pic shows there is nowt to stress at).
At the end of the day, money is just money. They should see this as new begining, a new start. It will take time, but they WILL be much happier.