will claiming csa cost me dearly

sonnet

I went through a bitter divorce last year and my ex-wife was awarded custody of my 12 (then 11) year old daughter (even though I fought for custody and my daughter expressed a wish to live with me). My ex-wife only fought for custody in order to get the marital home awarded to her. As soon as this was achieved and the house was signed over, she told me my daughter could come to live with me. My daughter came to live with me at my mother's house just before Christmas 2008 (I was technically homeless and living back with my mother as my ex-wife was awarded the marital home for a child she no longer wanted). I have since managed to get back on my feet and am currently trying to buy a shared ownership house via a Housing Association but I am struggling for money. My ex-wife made it very clear that if I tried to get any maintenence money out of her she would make my life very difficult and has threatened to take my daughter back off me (not because she wants her but purely as a tool to use against me). what can she legally do as she was given custody by the courts but my daughter has been living with me for 6 months now and I am in receipt of child benefit and child tax credit (which my ex-wife had to agree my daughter was living with me in order for me to receive these benefits)? can she get a court order making my daughter move back with her? Can I get the custody order changed now I have had physical custody of my daughter for 6 months? Financially I need my ex-wife to pay maintenance to help support her daughter but I am worried she will be able to just take my daughter away on a whim just to make life difficult for me. The law seems to favour the mother in the vast majority of cases (certainly in my case that was so, hence why my ex-wife ended up with the marital home and custody of my daughter even though she saw her as a pawn in our divorce to be used to her own advantage). I feel stuck, advice needed.
Thank You.

freyasmum

I would advise you to consult a lawyer.

I don't want to falsely elevate your hopes, but I would think that, at 12, your daughter is old enough to express who she wants to live with and I think that the courts (if it got that far) would be favourable towards you seeing as your daughter has been living with your for the past six months and you're in receipt of her CB/CTC.

Good luck.

AnxiousMum

Hi Sonnet - Personally I have no knowledge of what might happen here in your case - but I just wanted to say good luck to you and your daughter. Is there a way that you can go after the family home after the fact? I mean, if she was awarded it because she had your daughter, and it was felt that your daughter was entitled to have her home, would the courts look at that at all?
I would definitely find the funds to go talk with a lawyer on this and see what they advise - lucky daughter you have that at least one of her parents have her best interests at heart

PlayingHardball

What a bumpy ride for you all, especially your daughter. How is she feeling through all this? Does she feel abandoned by her Mum?

You should definately get some legal advise!

If you signed the house over to the ex - and you have less than 100K equity, you will qualify for legal assistance anyway, I understand. (on the flip side, if she has more than 100K, she will have to pay up for any legal action you take to secure custody of your daughter, which if things are as you say, you should do.

If I were you, I would definately apply to the CSA - why should any parent get to choose if they want to support their child. I wouldn't let her threaten you, at the end of the day, the courts do take into account how a child feels at 12 (more so than 11, as was your case)

She doesn't sound like a nice person, and you do.

Good luck

catenorfolk

I didnt know the courts awarded custody anymore except in special cases. i thought that both parents had parental responsibility, and that the courts just agreed where the child lived if it couldnt be agreed between the parents. why was she awarded 'custody' if you dont mind me asking.

sonnet

thanks AnxiousMum,
The courts won't go back on finacial decisions sadly as the divorce is finalized and the house has been transfered into her name, but she had a good solictor who I'm sure kept her upto speed on this. I have been trying to keep looking forward so our new home is best for both of us (have moved in). Its the cost of solictors that is the pivoting point. and was hoping to hear of a positive outcome to a similar scenario to mine. Thank you for your support

sonnet

PlayingHardball wrote: »

If you signed the house over to the ex - and you have less than 100K equity, you will qualify for legal assistance anyway, I understand. (on the flip side, if she has more than 100K, she will have to pay up for any legal action you take to secure custody of your daughter, which if things are as you say, you should do.

Hi Hardball,
The marital house had £75,000 equity but i didn't get legal aid last time, I think I might this time as there's nowhere as much equity. The ex-wife got legal aid last time but now she wont I'm sure.
But the odds there are in my favour but having had the judge make a decision like last time against me, a decision based purely on how she felt and not on the wishes of my daughter. The way the law works scares me.

Thank you

freyasmum

catenorfolk wrote: »

I didnt know the courts awarded custody anymore except in special cases. i thought that both parents had parental responsibility, and that the courts just agreed where the child lived if it couldnt be agreed between the parents. why was she awarded 'custody' if you dont mind me asking.

Doesn't it depend on the age of the child?

I have equal parental responsibilty with my child's father, even though we've never been married, because she was born in 2006. Had she been born in 2005, he would have had no responsibility for her what-so-ever.

My cousin has 4 children with his ex wife and he didn't get to see them at all for a good few years - it was because she told the courts that they didn't want to see him. I think the eldest is around 12? The youngest is about 5.