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Don't know what to do

Ok - I bet you've heard this story before but I'm after some advice for my sister. I'm not bad with money myself having got out of debt many many moons ago I'm pleased to say I learnt my lesson and am now debt free and have been for a while. But as it's been so long since I was in debt and things have moved on I'm unsure as to what advice to offer her.

Anyway - she currently is about £4.5k in debt (£3k of that to my parents as she was taking out provident loans and all sorts and they basically gave her a loan to get her off paying the interest) not fully sure where the other debt is but she's called this morning saying she had a letter from the bank on the weekend telling her that they were going to go ahead with court action as she has an overdraft limit of £200 and now owes £850 odd (most of which are in charges) in 7 days - now she apparently is using another bank account with no overdraft and has basically just berried her head in the sand about this one and all of the other debts she has and is not paying anyone back including my parents.

Now - this is the biggest problem - she's not working and despite everyone telling her to get a job it goes in one ear and out the other - she says she's keen to pay the money back but how she can do that with no job is beyond me.

So to cut a long story short - any ideas on what to do - especially with the bank and also my parents as they cannot afford to be without this money. She lives at home as well so it's not like she has bills - just £20 rent a week!

Sorry I've waffled on but any help or advice would be fab.
You laugh because I'm different - I laugh because you're all the same
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Comments

  • mboro
    mboro Posts: 294 Forumite
    I was in the same situation not so long ago and I still owe the bank pennies, (My head was stuck in the sand till I was evicted) So I rang the bank yesterday told them my predicament, Cancelled all my DD'S, ....and asked them to FREEZE my account. Thay have done this for me, and as soon as the job is up and running I have to call them again and come to an arrangement to pay them back at an affordable rate.

    I spoke to a person in the Unsecured Debt managemnet section and she was very helpful.
  • MrsTinks
    MrsTinks Posts: 15,238 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Name Dropper
    Is slapping your sister round the head to get her to wake up going to be a possibility?
    :)

    I think you'll need your parents to be with you on this one... but eviction will teach her the hard way that she has to work to have money to play. I have a step brother and a step sister who had the same attitude... My step brother thankfully has kind of come to his senses but still has a way to go *sigh*, my step sister however lives on a little pink fluffy cloud where things like bills and mortgage payments do not really exsist they are a secret plot to try and trick you :)

    About 2 years ago I had to sit down with my mum and stepdad and say enough is enough! They don't have THAT much money and although myself and my half brother have never borrowed money off them (not talking "I'm short a quid mum help us out till I get the the cash point?" here... i'm talking THOUSANDS!) Trying to get them to realise that the best and kindest thing no matter how hard was to say no next time a bill couldn't be paid because the money had been spent on fags, partying, games consoles and so on... My step brother learnt and now only phones for money if it's an unexpected bill but hasn't learnt enough to have savings or sort out his finances... My step sister? Well she now has a child, and another on the way... her OH is a hard worker and manages to keep the bills paid and her happy by going without a lot of things himself :( She still does the guilt trip thing on my parents when she visits them (can't afford the train ticket etc etc etc) and her son gets spoilt rotten by my mum, his own nans and his greatgrandmother.... And she knows how to milk them all for things for him!

    I am waffling on sorry :)
    I guess what I am trying to say is that unless she suddenly realises she has responsibilities she is likely to turn out like my step sister... if they are hard now then they might turn her into my step brother or even better. Just remind them that if they kick her out then the council HAVE to house her (it'll probably B& B and nothing nice and fancy which will probably do her good!) so she won't really be homeless :)

    Good luck!
    DFW Nerd #025
    DFW no more! Officially debt free 2017 - now joining the MFW's! :)

    My DFW Diary - blah- mildly funny stuff about my journey
  • BlondeHeadOn
    BlondeHeadOn Posts: 2,277 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Hi tinkerbelluk,

    I've nothing very helpful to say really, except that I too have had to deal with a debt-laden sibling who seems to have no concept of debt except that everyone else is there to bail her out, so I know how frustrating it can be. I think the only answer is tough love - and never ever under any even-the-most-extreme-circumstances lend her money!

    I came to the conclusion that some people don't have to worry about debt, because everyone else around them (family, friends, OHs) do all the worrying for them!

    Hugs for being such a caring sister
    :grouphug:
  • TurnaroundSue
    TurnaroundSue Posts: 1,214 Forumite
    Point her to the direction of MSE! ;)
    When you were born, you were crying and everyone around was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying! :rotfl:
  • dudleyboy
    dudleyboy Posts: 765 Forumite
    How old is your sister?

    To be honest £4.5k isn't that huge (it's what I have left to repay)... although it is when you have no income!! Sorry for being blunt (I do tend to cut to the chase) but the only problem I can see here is that she sounds bone idle and has got used to your parents bailing her out. She needs a kick up the bum and i'm afraid it's your parents' responsibility to do it. Tough love I believe it's called. :)
  • southernscouser
    southernscouser Posts: 33,745 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I don't mean this to sound like I'm being harsh or anything coz I'm genuinely not! :)

    The problem is you will get no-where helping someone who doesn't want to help themselves!

    Look at it like an addiction. That person needs to WANT to be clean. Only then can they truely be helped!

    She says she want's to pay her debt back but like you say, how can she if she doesn't get a job! :confused:

    I know all this doesn't really help you but I do understand how worried you probably are. I've seen it before. An ex had a sister who was always broke and avoiding balliffs but it was my ex who was the most stressed about it.

    At the end of the day, although it is easier said than done, the problem is your sisters! Maybe she doesn't quite realise that herself and until she is you are probably fighting a losing battle!

    Perhaps you can try the guilt trip to get her in line! Break down and cry, tell her you can't sleep through worrying about her. Tell her all the stress is making you ill. It might just give her the kick up the !!!!!! she needs!

    It can work. I've seen it happen! ;)
  • If bank charges have caused her debt to them then take a look at http://www.bankactiongroup.co.uk/forum

    I'm currently in the process of trying to recover thousands of charges over the last 6 years.
  • Thanks for all of your advice guys – I thought I’d give you a quick update as to where we are with this!

    I did manage to call the bank and enter her into am arrangement to pay back £6 per month until she is back on her feet :eek: (she did have the nerve to say – well they can’t have what I haven’t got! – But I stuck firm and said I was more than happy to have her CCJ’ed as it didn’t effect me) – So she came around pretty quick. :rotfl:

    Anyway – after much soul searching with my parent (don’t ask weird relationship here) we came to the conclusion that even though everything has been tried before we are going to give it one last shot so last week she was told that unless she is in full time employment by Friday she is to move out on Saturday!

    For the first time in ages this must have done the trick as she was in job agencies quicker than you could say eviction the latter part of last week and now has a number of interviews lined up for this week – so as my mother said yesterday – the clock is now ticking and we’ll see what she does with it. :rolleyes:
    You laugh because I'm different - I laugh because you're all the same
  • tyllwyd
    tyllwyd Posts: 5,496 Forumite
    For the first time in ages this must have done the trick as she was in job agencies quicker than you could say eviction the latter part of last week and now has a number of interviews lined up for this week – so as my mother said yesterday – the clock is now ticking and we’ll see what she does with it. :rolleyes:

    I hope she gets herself sorted! I'd keep on at her though, just in case she thinks that going to a few interviews will be enough to keep everyone sweet, and that she doesn't actually have to get a job and stick at it ...
  • Quick update - I'm pleased to say that she has now been in a goodish job for two weeks :T :T :T

    And the biggest surprise is that she has asked me to redo her budget with at least £100 a week going to pay off her debt to my parents :j

    So hopefully we'll get there - but then as I've said we've been here before so I shall wait and see.
    You laugh because I'm different - I laugh because you're all the same
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