One step forward, two steps back

Doodles

Hi
I'm quite a new member of this forum but you guys seem so friendly and I just wanted anyone to share whether they often felt a "failure".

The last few years have been rather harsh for me and just when I think I am getting somewhere in paying off my debt, something else happens.

My husband walked out on me and my son, but I've managed to keep working full time to keep a roof over our heads. Its a long story which I won't go into, but I incurred costs on credit cards over the divorce period basically, none of it frivolous spending I might add. My debt was about £5,500.

Over the last few years I have been paying this off faithfully, as much as I can each month, taking advantage of 0% offers etc etc. I don't smoke, drink or go out very often. I've reduced my outgoings down to as much as I can. Most of my clothes are bought cheap off ebay.

Anyway, at the beginning of the year I'd got the debt down to about £800 - and I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel - my debt should have been paid off by October this year. I was so looking forward to being debt free.

However, at the end of December my mum died. There were no savings other than £1,400 in her account (which was held by her nursing home - she had Altzheimers). The funeral bill was £4300. The DWP paid a funeral grant of £536 which added to the £1400 above leaves me with a bill of £2300 approx. In a years time I will also have a gravestone to buy, so add at least another grand. In the meantime I've had unavoidable vets bills as well.

So I'm back to the drawing board. All that effort and now I'm back to owing a few thousand again.

At work, I am losing my job but they have offered me another one, but it pays less so I will be £50 worse off a month. So even less money to pay the bill off.

I've been trying to get another job with more money for months, but have not been successful so far. In fact on Monday I went for some General Ability Tests for an organisation I wanted to work for (this was the first stage of the interview process). But I didn't get a high enough pass mark. I was gutted.

So in short, I feel like a failure. I recognise my problems and am trying to do something about them, but something always seems to kick me in the teeth!

Sorry about the moan. Just want to know if any of you ever feel the same?
Thanks

Broken_hearted

So sorry to hear of your loss, it's such a horrible illness.
You are not a failure life just has a habit of going the wrong way. You are making every effort to get back on track. Hugs good luck.

headchef

Oh Doodles. Life has certainly kicked you in the teeth of late - that's official. So don't feel bad about feeling low. I know others will be along soon but just wanted you to know that we do care x

LookingAhead

Hello Doodles. Pelase don't feel like a failure. Clearly you are not if you have managed to get your debt down to £800 in the past after your husband walked out. You've worked hard and kept the roof over your head and got the bilsl down....they didn't esculate! Given the circumstances, most people would undertand if they had of.

I was sorry to read about about your Mum too. There is not much I can say that you probably haven't heard before - but I send a virtual hug (((hug))).

You have been dealt a succession of bad luck haven't you? It's not you being a failure, it is just sometimes life can throw us a load of **** luck!

Keep looking for other work. The skills you mention...is there anyway you can go about acquiring these skills? Maybe you could post a bit more information and people can offer specific advice.

Keep looking anyway for other work....this organisation you wish to work for can be an 'ongoing target' maybe?

I am sure people will ask you to post your incomings & outgoings to help advsie you on where to make savings....every little will help.

You're not a failure, from what I read I think you are a strong & capable woman with a will to succeed and you will.

Keep posting.
xx

sanfrancisco

You are in no way a failure. Coping with all youve been through ON YOUR OWN is an incredible feat. Many would have fallen at the first hurdle.

Tommorrow is a new day. You have a beautiful son. You have a roof over your head and food. (I guess) You have your health. Keep at it, you will beat it all one day.

twink

i can understand you feel the way you do but in no way are you a failure i think it is amazing how you have coped. lots of hugs to you and your son

Doodles

Broken_hearted wrote:

So sorry to hear of your loss, it's such a horrible illness.
You are not a failure life just has a habit of going the wrong way. You are making every effort to get back on track. Hugs good luck.

Yes, Altzheimers Disease is a very very unkind disease, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. To see someone you love just waste away is hard, especially when they don't recognise you any more.

Thanks for everyone's kind words so far, I guess I am just very low today. The kind of day that part of you just wants to scream, but the other part of you hasn't got the energy!

I will keep plugging away at the job situation. That's all I can do I suppose.

The General Ability Tests that I failed were Verbal Reasoning, Non-Verbal Reasoning and Maths Ability. I know there are books you can get on them, perhaps I will look into getting one.

Thanks again.

twink

check your library they might have them there or you can request them they can sometimes even get new books if you look in a bookshop for the name and author to tell them. with your determination you will get there your just having a bad day thats all tomorrow is a new day

moozie_2

Hello Doodles

I am really sorry to see you lost your mother recently - and to such a horrble illness. Hugs to you and your child, it must have been awful.

I agree with everyone else really. What you have described cannot be classified as 'failure' by anyone's standard! You are clearly intelligent, strong and determined. Life is like that sometimes though. Just when we think we are getting somewhere, it throws something else in our court.

You are very brave to come here and open your heart to a bunch of strangers. You achieved a massive reduction in your debt before and I have no doubt that you'll manage it again.

Best of luck in finding better employment. Chin up - I think you are having a bad day and you are perfectly entitled to it, you have been through a lot but tomorrow is a new day :grouphug:

headchef

Been thinking about you this afternoon. Don't know if this helps much at the moment but you gave your mum the dignity she deserved with the funeral. They are always hard to go through but I always think that no matter how tragic the end for some people, (or how long and sad), a funeral always gives them back their dignity and commemorates their being.
It sounds as if you had to shoulder the burden and the cost on your own bless you. My heart goes out to you.

Doodles

headchef wrote:

Been thinking about you this afternoon. Don't know if this helps much at the moment but you gave your mum the dignity she deserved with the funeral. They are always hard to go through but I always think that no matter how tragic the end for some people, (or how long and sad), a funeral always gives them back their dignity and commemorates their being.
It sounds as if you had to shoulder the burden and the cost on your own bless you. My heart goes out to you.

Thanks headchef, thats a lovely thing you said - its made my spirits lift a little.