Advice for a father paying CSA

tallington

Hi all

I'm hoping you can help as I don't know of anyone in a similar situation to ask.

My partner's ex wife has their child living with her. My partner pays £500 per month and bought everything for the baby when he was born (he's now a year and a half.

He tries and is still trying to keep things amicable, taking her out for lunch when he saw his son etc, but lately has been creating lots of obstacles to prevent him from seeing their son.

She had him arrested twice for being aggressive, when he'd arranged to see their son, asked for two nappies as he didn't have any (and said it was no big deal he could buy some), she pushed him out of her house, then had him arrested. Luckily, no charges have ever been brought - I think the police can see she's a time waster.
She has even sent him text messages as 10pm saying 'bring me chips or you can't see your son tomorrow'.

The latest obstacle is that he doesn't own a child seat or a buggy (she has a child seat but no car as he took his car back from her last time she got him arrested). He offered to pay one seventh (as she lets him see him for a few hours on a Sunday - ie one day a week) of the value of the car seat and buggy, which he had already paid for. She declined. Well, 'declined' is the polite way, I think it was 'eff off you effing c***' - nice way to act in front of your toddler. Nonetheless, I have a few questions:

1. He is financially unsound at the moment. If he bought a car seat, buggy etc, is there a way that he could take this out of the following month's CSA?
2. As he's now solely been hit with the court fees for the divorce, he cannot afford to see a solicitor, is there a 'cheapy' way to go through the courts? She's said she'd get him to take blood tests for alcohol and drugs, which he would have to pay for, and apparently these run into thousands.
3. Is there any other 'sensitive' advice you have? He's worried that his son will forget / resent him. I've suggested writing him letters every time he's not allowed to see him, posting them to his own address and keeping them in a box until his son is a teen. He sees his son aboutt twice a month. I've also suggested that he prints out the text messages to and from the mother to put in the box, so his son can see that he tried his hardest (this is possible by connecting it to a PC).

I've said to him that i don't see my niece and nephews that often, but the older they get, the more they remember you. I see them about four times a year, but now my niece is 11, she loves to come and stay for a few days. Problem is, my partner is so stressed out that the thought of waiting 10 years to have a relationship with his son is driving him crazy.

Thank you in advance for your help, everyone!

marksoton

1) No

2) Try families need fathers. http://www.fnf.org.uk/ They can help advise and put him in contact with a mckenzie friend who will help him deal with court issues at the fraction of the cost of a solicitor.

3) She sounds charming :rolleyes: The sooner he gets the ball rolling the better. Make sure he keeps all evidence of her being an idiot. You never know when it might be needed.

Soubrette

tallington wrote: »

Hi all

3. Is there any other 'sensitive' advice you have? He's worried that his son will forget / resent him. I've suggested writing him letters every time he's not allowed to see him, posting them to his own address and keeping them in a box until his son is a teen. He sees his son aboutt twice a month. I've also suggested that he prints out the text messages to and from the mother to put in the box, so his son can see that he tried his hardest (this is possible by connecting it to a PC).

I've said to him that i don't see my niece and nephews that often, but the older they get, the more they remember you. I see them about four times a year, but now my niece is 11, she loves to come and stay for a few days. Problem is, my partner is so stressed out that the thought of waiting 10 years to have a relationship with his son is driving him crazy.

Thank you in advance for your help, everyone!

Hi tallington - sorry to hear about your OH problems with access

I think a memory box for his son is a great idea (in conjunction with fighting for access) but do be careful about putting anything negative in it about the PWC as this could alienate the child if and when he does receive it. I would put in any kind of memories where your OH was thinking of his son - a kind of you were here in my heart if not in body.

Even if access is sorted out, this kind of box would be a fab 18th birthday present anyway as well as showing how important his son is in your OHs life.

Definitely keep all comments from the ex though - this might useful as evidence of the PWC attitude and when she has made contact difficult but they should be kept for evidence in your OH's fight for contact and I think should be kept as a separate issue to the memory box.

Although I think your partner may have to fork out for a new car seat (second hand ones are not recommended in case they have been in an accident), every thing else just needs to be bought second hand, from ebay (you can pick up whole bundles of clothes reasonable) or if you are lucky from freecycle.

I hope your partner pursues this all the way as the PWC is emotionally harming their child by denying access and using him as a bargaining tool in this way.

Sou