cat wee in new dyson!!

taxi97w

My oldest knows the hassle it causes and now only throws up on smooth surfaces like the coffee table and window sills if he can get there in time:- clever and considerate as well. ;D

jaybee

Rules for cats who have a house to run.


I. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

II. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

III. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.

IV. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering". Following are the rules for "hampering":

a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim -- to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

V. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

VI. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

tinalives

LOL ;D That's fantastic!! Absolutely spot on!!

Ticklemouse

Rules for cats in my house...............

1. Get out before I kick you out.

2. Stay out.

3. If I catch you in my garden, I reserve the right to throw anything to hand at you or if I catch you sitting on my back door step, to walk up to the door and bang it as hard as I can to scare the living !!!!!! out of you

4. If all else fails, beware of the shotgun. ;D ;D




(ps before all you cat lovers try to lynch me, I wouldn't actually hurt a cat)





(They make too much mess ;D ;D especially if you start the car and they're sleeping near the fan belt..... eeeeewwww, yes, this did happen to a boyfriend of mine years ago.)

jaybee

Glad you enjoyed it. Anyone who's got a cat will identify with it!

Leothecat

Brillant Jaybee! Made me lol as is soooo true.
You did however forget;
When human writing cheques to pay bills, nudge pen with head. Also, when human typing on MSE, jump on computer desk then onto keyboard to get onto knee.
;D

16011996

lol, thanks jaybee.

culpepper

Have you been spying on my cat Jaybee ;D
one more, never leave a kitchen roll or loo roll in reach or it will be attacked and ripped to shreds.
Found this one out when I forgot to put the kitchen roll away after shopping.

16011996

my cats never touch kitchen roll, only loo roll. maybe cos its softer lol.

r.mac_2

Rules for cats who have a house to run.


I.      DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

II.       CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

III.       BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.

IV.      HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering". Following are the rules for "hampering":

a)   When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

b)   For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

c)   For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

d)   For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim -- to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

e)   When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

V.       WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

VI.       BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

I wish I was a cat! lol. thanks for a good laugh on a monday morning!

rx