Relying on CSA payments/child support

parkysaves

Over the last few months of being on the forums, I have noticed a recurring theme in the responses to CSA questions in the forums and as a PWC who is in receipt of CSA payments, I was interested to hear from other members who would like to share their hints and tips.

The overriding feeling is that PWC's shouldn't rely on CSA payments as circumstances change and the NRP could lose their job etc etc.

I am interested to know how many of us actually don't rely on child support and save or whatever it.
I personally need mine to provide my children with a comfortable, yet not extravagent home and lifestyle - which is what they would have had if their father had still been here.

Please don't take my post the wrong way, I am just interested as it seems on every forum this point crops up and is quite emotive. :think:

Soubrette

parkysaves wrote: »

Over the last few months of being on the forums, I have noticed a recurring theme in the responses to CSA questions in the forums and as a PWC who is in receipt of CSA payments, I was interested to hear from other members who would like to share their hints and tips.

The overriding feeling is that PWC's shouldn't rely on CSA payments as circumstances change and the NRP could lose their job etc etc.

I am interested to know how many of us actually don't rely on child support and save or whatever it.
I personally need mine to provide my children with a comfortable, yet not extravagent home and lifestyle - which is what they would have had if their father had still been here.

Please don't take my post the wrong way, I am just interested as it seems on every forum this point crops up and is quite emotive. :think:

I don't rely on my maintenance but I have a partner who heavily subsidises instead and and I budget ferociously to do the things we want to do. I do rely on CTC and child benefit though.

As the girls get older I intend to rely less and less on these child related benefits so for example I am looking for more hours now in the hope that I will find something in a year (max 2) with a view for full time work in 4 years time. We intend to put by these benefits (and maintenance) into an isa so that they can be used for one off expenses that are specifically child related such as driving lessons and to help out at university.

If they all disappeared and I couldn't get a job with more hours though, we could manage but only on the stringent budget - not much in the way of treats.

However, if I did not have a supportive partner then I would have to rely on those benefits and maintenance but it might be just a case of spending them when I have them - no maintenance then no clothes this month. I'd also be encouraging the children to get their own jobs etc as they became older.

Sou

libbyc3

I had no maintenence out of my ex for 10 years and now the CSA has caught him! However, the kids have been clothed, fed and warm via me taking 3 jobs for years and on meeting my partner we struggled for the 1st few years but now things are good. although i'm not expecting a penny as the ex has stated his intention to go on the dole before paying me (?) I have said i would split any money with them 3 ways for every holiday they never had, for the fact i have never been able to put savings away for them.
I am so p[leased i never had the oppurtunity to rely on his money from the start as maybe i wouldn't have been disciplined enough to put it away for them anyway.

kelloggs36

Likewise, I fed, clothed, ran around, provided a roof over the head of, bought everything my daughter needed whilst her father chose to cut her out of his life. It took sacrifices of mine and my partner's money which we never begrudged paying, BUT at the same time my ex had a financial responsibility - I couldn't make him face his moral responsibilty of wanting to maintain a relationship with our daughter who was innocent in it all. When he was forced to pay, he owed in excess of £25k of which most was paid in a lump sum - still a couple of grand to go. That money is mine and my partner's as we have already forked it out!! Nevertheless, my daughter said she wanted to go to Florida last year, so we all went.

parkysaves

Lovely to hear about the Florida treat Kelloggs, what a fantastic treat for your daughter.

I totally hear where you're all coming from and I think things will get easier as the 3 children get older. At the moment I work part time so that I can be there to pick two up from school and the younger one goes to nursery.
Alot of my problems stem from my naiivety at the start of our breakup when I was told the mortgage was being paid (we had a fairly large mortgage as my ex was on v good wages), only to discover 3 months hadn't been and then it all snowballed as I couldn't pay bills etc etcetc. Consequently I took out a loan and credit card to pay it off (can hear Martin wincing now Lol!!!).
Then it was discovered in mediation that there were 40,000 of debt that I knew nothing about, it was proved I had nothing to do with these but as the court had to think about my ex's standard of living and the baby he had just had with his partner ordered me to pay half of this back. This went on the mortgage when I remortgaged in my own name (self-cert).
Bring on more debt!!! The best bit was that my ex said he had someone looking after the money and as soon as this was all sorted he would pay off his cards and made alot from me! My solicitor said without me having the cash to take him on, we could never prove it.

I suppose if I'm honest, it is this treatment to me and my children that still smarts as opposed to him leaving. And the fact that I am still now 4yrs down the line paying things off and have the pleasure of bad credit so big mort rates etc.
We moved to a cheaper area of town so I could lower the mort and I am doing my best but I must admit, without the maintenance we would struggle.
I do have a wonderfully supportive husband now who works like a trojan and gets an average wage but he pays maintenance to his daughter as his marriage ended some 10 years ago.
That's where it's all a bit strange. My ex pays us what my hubby pays his ex which is prob about the same as her hubby pays his ex ...... and on and on it goes Lol!!!!!;)

traveller

Hi, funnily enough when me and my ex broke up initially in 2003, I didn't bother about maintainance and was more bothered about him seeing the kids.Probably because when we were together, they hardly saw him-he was never really there.He loved this obviously, and certainly didn't force my hand.However they were 3,6 and 9 years and didn't cost as much,lol.

Now they are 16,10,12 and our newest addition of a year old.I'm still working part time.Mynew job is further away as is the babies child care, so i'm paying out a lot more and have just started repaying my student loan as ironically, because i get help with the childcare, it pushes me over the threshold for deferment.So now, i'll be honest, it's more of a concern he does his bit financially, or i'll have to start saying no to stuff.

We used to have up to 2 holidays a year without his help( although i've never paid full price for anything).This year is the first time we'll be having 1 and that is mainly funded by airmiles and I resent the fact these may well come to an end as when your on auto pilot through the working week, these are the times I actually know my own name and spend proper time with the children as oppossed to barking at them, half tired,lol.

I'm stringent to the extreme with the household budget like most of us and i use to fieel annoyed when ex drove us to the supermarket sometimes.He would fill his trolley with the 'finest' range, we'd be buying the value range for all 4 of us-and his for himself still came to more!

I'm trying very much to become self reliant again as i know i may not get anything out of my ex soon as he is basically refusing to up the maintainance and i'm fed up of his optional approach to his kids in all honesty.And it's not about greed,it's about sticking up for me and them,as i'm sick of his 'if your gonna do it, i'll keep my money in me pocket' attitude,lol.

LizzieS_2

parkysaves wrote: »

Over the last few months of being on the forums, I have noticed a recurring theme in the responses to CSA questions in the forums and as a PWC who is in receipt of CSA payments, I was interested to hear from other members who would like to share their hints and tips.

The overriding feeling is that PWC's shouldn't rely on CSA payments as circumstances change and the NRP could lose their job etc etc.

I was one who made that point on your other thread. I said it as a pwc too.

I am interested to know how many of us actually don't rely on child support and save or whatever it.
I personally need mine to provide my children with a comfortable, yet not extravagent home and lifestyle - which is what they would have had if their father had still been here.

As the job appears "secure" there are still the possibilities of long-term illness or death - for this reason, the budget for the essentials like housing/utilities/food/clothing should never be borne from expectations of maintenance, in other words you have to make sure you can afford the basics in the worst scenario of getting zero maintenance.

Please don't take my post the wrong way, I am just interested as it seems on every forum this point crops up and is quite emotive. :think:

We make sure we can afford the basics ourselves. Maintenance simply enhances the childrens luxuries, including to some extent more expensive food/clothes. Also we keep a little aside in case the maintenance stops for a short period - that way the children are not affected. Being teens, mine know there are things they get now that they couldn't have without their dad's help, and do accept that those extra's could be lost in the future.

Blackpool_Saver

The CSA told me not to rely on them..... I think they meant don't rely on us to enforce collection.........

parkysaves

Agree with you traveller Lol!!! And let's face it, if we use this rule, I shouldn't rely on Tax Credits as they may have overpaid me and want it back, I can't rely on my wages as I could be made redundant tomorrow or fall ill or anything else so technically I have no income to rely on. What a dim view of life!!!

anniemf2508

I have provided my daughter with everything for the last 10 years without help. The CSA finally secured payment acouple of months ago, so i have set up a savings account for it, any school trips/music lessons etc will come out of that money.

LizzieS_2

parkysaves wrote: »

Agree with you traveller Lol!!! And let's face it, if we use this rule, I shouldn't rely on Tax Credits as they may have overpaid me and want it back, I can't rely on my wages as I could be made redundant tomorrow or fall ill or anything else so technically I have no income to rely on. What a dim view of life!!!

I accept you're angry over your ex being irresponsible towards helping with his children's upkeep. The point I have been trying to make over reliance is, if without the extra help you cannot afford some of your very basic bills then your bills are too high.

Using tax credits and wages to say the same point is extreme. I agree no income is ever guaranteed, but only you can make sure your bills are within the income level you could have in the worst case scenario of being unemployed.