how do i achieve equal responsibilty for the budget?

kar

Hi guys,

I will try to keep this as short as possible but i think it needs a little explaining. When OH and I met I was £7000 in debt (due to 8 months extravegant travelling). OH was bought out of a house he owned with someone else leaving him approx £10,000. After a while when it was decided the partnership was permanent (we got engaged) OH paid off my debts with his savings (and spent the rest on climbing things).

I know that I am increadably lucky to have my debts wiped clean like this but now i'm a little frustrated as I feel entirely left out of financial side of things and not trusted with money.

We are both students - my student account was maxed out and put into an isa along with my student loan for this year (my idea as its 0% overdraft earning 5%(ish) in the ISA). OH is on a Sandwich placement earning £16,000 this year so didn't take out a student loan and we are living off that salery.

We are also saving. My aim at the begining of the year was to save £6000 towards a house for when we graduate. (end of next year). But i know that we aren't doing that well towards that amount. OH salery goes into his account and bills come out of there. My salery from a part time job goes into the joint account and my single account isn't used. Last night OH said that we were going to have to buy shopping from the joint account cos he was 250 overdrawn !!!!

I don't know what's going on in his account or how much we're saving etc and am feeling very left out. I know i was in debt before but i have really turned over a new leaf. He spends moeny like water on things sometimes and that frustrates me and then i try to make some money on e-bay/amazon for the savings and he says oh just leave it in the joint account we're going to be a bit short this month anyway (bang goes the £50 that was going to be saved).

I want to be more open with money and do the budget together as he is obviously missing spending off it if we are continually going over budget. But i don't know how to make him see that i can be trusted with this. I'm debating whetehr to transfer the money to savings anyay (i would tell him i was doing this) and just manage going a bit more overdrawn on his account because otherwise i can't see us ever meeting the target but theni think that he doesn't get paid again until the 25th.

So my question is how to i get us to be on equal footing when it comes to money and share the responsibility.

thanks for any replies

kar

PS can someone tell me how to do a signature thingy - i would like to keep track of our savings in there.

fatboyonadiet

Maybe sit down and talk to him about this? Maybe show this post too to make sure all your points are covered. Best of luck!

fatboyonadiet

To do your signature: click on Private Messages at the top of the page, then a new page will appear on the left is the Control Panel and one of the options is for your signature. HTH.

rchddap1

My OH and I have been together for 6 years....and still we keep our accounts seperate. It just seems to work for us. We each take responsibility for various bills and over time things seem pretty even.

You and your OH will eventually get to the same point. However, if you are unhappy with the situation then you should talk to him. Sit down with all the bills and work out a balanced budget.

kar

Thanks for the replies guys

I have decided to have a serious sit down with him tonight after dinner and go through it. It's going to be a bit of a hassle but until we can both openly see whas going on in all the accounts neither of us will really know where we stand

And thanks for the signature help - i think i got it sorted!!

kar

Savvy_Sue

kar wrote:

And thanks for the signature help - i think i got it sorted!!

You did.

No substitute here for talking to him about how you feel, and what you would like to do. Couples manage their money in different ways, and there is no 'right' way. We have everything joint, but then neither of us spends anything major without discussing it first. When I was a non-taxpayer, our savings were in my name alone so we didn't have to pay tax on it, but I never thought of them as 'mine'.

What you may find works is a joint account for bills etc, and an individual account that neither of you has to account for. So if he wants to buy climbing equipment, he can, and if you want to splurge on shoes, you can. You might want to agree the minimum to save as well. But being open about all the accounts seems sensible to me, because if you're not, then it's possible for one to overdraw hugely. It's just that if you splurge on shoes, he shouldn't rant at you for that, just as you don't rant about how he spends his money.

Some people can do this with a 'mental' limit - agree that neither will spend more than £100 (say) per month from the joint account without prior agreement. Others need separate accounts that their 'spending money' goes into, so you may need another account each. All the money might go into your joint account, but then 'spending money' can go elsewhere.

And well done you! It takes time to reverse overspending habits, but it can be done!