Consent Order and reduced pay

Caz3121

Sorry rant time....

My partner has a consent order in place to pay his ex £475 per month (CSA rates) He has suffered on an off with depression for 8 years since she decided she didn't want to be married any more and took the children abroad. They came back to UK 4 years ago and he has a good relationship with the children all be it they are now at the other end of the country so visits are roughly monthly (at around £200 a time).

He has been off work ill and now on reduced pay, called ex tonight to say that part of the maintenance this month will be transferred by him and I will be paying the delta so she will still get all her money but part may be delayed depending on the time for the bank transfer.

He has just got an abusive text stating that he gives her £475 per month to put a roof over his childrens head, feed and clothe them, take them to school, dinner money etc and it is not their fault her is ill (matter of opinion!) so he better pay the full amount in on the normal date from his account or he will be in contempt of court. She will be on to her solicitor tomorrow (the same solicitor who she got to raise the divorce and then never paid any bills and my partner had to clear all her solicitors bills to get the whole thing finalised)

He has never not paid - he was previously paying almost £1000 per month so she and her boyfriend could live in a house with pool .. this went on until his debt grew to over £25k and he had to say..no more and moved to CSA rates. (this debt, kids travel, cm and bills use 100% of his normal salary)

She declared she receives over £9k in tax credits, qualifies for housing benefit and, after 3 years living off tax credits and maintenance (did not qualify for IS as cm too high) is working part time. She does not use the maintenance for clothes for the children, instead phones when they need stuff and sometimes offers to go halves. Does not contribute to the travel costs - would not put them on a local train until he paid the £4.45 train fare into her account

Guess there are 2 things here - there is no date of payment on the consent order just that he will pay £475 monthly so is it really contempt if it is 2 payments 2 days apart?

How do you deal with a pwc that truly believes (and makes no secrecy with sharing it with the teenage children) that the father is wholly responsible for everything related to the children. (they call him up to say they have no food in the house as he doesn't give their mother enough money)

sorry rant over

marksoton

If the court order is over a year and a half old then go down the CSA route and get reassessed.

Caz3121

the court order is less than a year old, he is not looking to have the payment reduced as hopefully he will be back to full pay in the next few months and I am happy to make up the delta in the meantime. Her attitude was f*** my money!

Guess I will go to the bank and transfer cash into his account to enable him to make the payment on the normal date. It is her whole attitude that stinks. He lived with his parents for 18 months when the marriage broke down then got his own rented place, she said he should be in a bedsit to enable him to give her more money (she didn't want to work)...guess she expected that now, after 8 years she would be the one in a solid relationship... has lived with 3 different men in that time and currently single.

We are getting married in a few weeks, very small only close family, self catering and paid for by parents. We took the children out to kit them out (son is best man and daughter is bridesmaid with my daughter as we wanted to have them involved) so with flights for the kids and their gear we have spent a few £s - partner bought his son a suit, I did the flights and the bridesmaids (TK Maxx) Now ex says that it is because of the wedding he is skint....and he got a nice p.s on the text saying "I hate you"

LizzieS_2

Caz3121 wrote: »

We are getting married in a few weeks, very small only close family, self catering and paid for by parents. We took the children out to kit them out (son is best man and daughter is bridesmaid with my daughter as we wanted to have them involved) so with flights for the kids and their gear we have spent a few £s - partner bought his son a suit, I did the flights and the bridesmaids (TK Maxx) Now ex says that it is because of the wedding he is skint....and he got a nice p.s on the text saying "I hate you"

I guess the above is a red rag to a bull. The children will no doubt have made her aware of costs of wedding without knowing who paid towards what. There does also seem to be a distinct lack of trust - the illness looks like an excuse to her, and she is hearing a couple of days late as saying much later.

How you change the concept of daddy is not responsible for everything after giving in for 8 years is going to be hard.

Not sure I would put up with the attitude if I was dipping into my pocket to pay like you are - csa would be tempting.

AnxiousMum

Caz - I read things like your previous post and it almost makes me ashamed to be a mother in receipt of child maintenance.

For child maintenance to be 'fair' to the children, it needs to be in accordance to each parent's salary. If one of the parents is ill and cannot work - the same situation could arise if the parents were still together. If that were the case, then things in the family may be tight for a couple of months - and the family, kids included, would have to scrimp and save a little. Why does this have to change because the parents are divorced? I would be looking to apply to the CSA for a temporary change in the order due to your fiance's illness. It shouldn't have to come from you, as you are not the parent and are not financially responsible for the children - though my hat off to you for trying to do what you think is right.

I always think that the children should be maintained in the way they would have been IF mum and dad had remained together - sometimes finances change, but that happens in a family and they just deal with it and make adjustments. It's none of the ex's business who has paid for what with your wedding.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding - I hope it is an absolutely fantastic day for all you

Caz3121

It will be a great day...very moneysaving - self catered (by the mums!), no photographer etc, silk flowers from ebay, no hardresser/makeup, shoes from ebay, borrowed dress for me, no honeymoon (I travel with work and should have enough airmiles and free hotel nights to do something next year)
We live a very quiet life, neither drinkers and like staying in, last time in a pub was works Xmas do and last time we ate out was a Moneysaving offer for a free meal.
The children are 14 and 15 and life seems to be one long round of parties with mum. Both drink and smoke (mum buys) and it is almost like there are 3 children to be supported and she wants be be a mate rather than parent.
Guess he is going to have to again try to explain to her that his £475 is a contribution which is to go with her contribution and the tax credits but I really don't think it will ever sink in until they are older and she loses the £20k+ she receives in total from benefits + cm
Unfortunately she is very vocal with the children about how their father leaves them so poor although as they get older then have spoken back that there always seems to be money for her wine and cigarettes just not enough left for them. It is really sad. Son wanted to come live with us to go to college and had looked at a number of courses, mum stopped it and said he could not leave her. I will bet my wages that, if he had, she would not have seen it as her duty to pay any support or flights for travel as that is what dad has t do.
Bit calmer today but worried how her selfish behaviour affects OH, he is seing consultant today and doing well so looking to start a return to work part time.