heartbroken and bankruptcy

moneytroubles_3

Hi all

this is my first post, my OH has just been to court and is now subject to a bankruptcy order. Our problems started quite a few years ago when he started accumulating debts but didn't tell me about them until recently. We have tried everything to get on top of them but the creditors kept putting pressure on him to repay more and eventually it's so out of control we were advised for him to delcare himself bankrupt by the CAB. The amount owed isn't that much really, just under £15,000. It's caused major problems in our relationship though and we almost split up, I understand why he didn't want to tell me about the debt but it was impacting so severely on our finances that he had to. The last few months have been a nightmare, often we've had so little money left that I haven't been able to buy food some weeks. (It's amazing what you can make out of the dregs of the cupboards). We haven't told many people about the situation, and so I'm dreading it going in the paper. We've only been in our house a few months, it's rented but due to his poor credit rating it had to go in my name as the agents wouldn't have let us have it otherwise. We are trying to work our problems out now, but it's been one of the worst experiences of my life. The one thing I am worried about is the car, we live in the middle of no-where and the buses are every two hours, the car is on finance but we've never missed a payment as we rely so heavily on it for work and getting our child to school. He has a meeting with the OR on Friday and we don't know what will happen about the car. I keep getting panic attacks all the time, I just feel so stressed and drained from the months of worrying. I honestly wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It's helped just reading your experiences, and it does help knowing others are going through similar things.

wildthing46

I have been bankrupt since Feb 09 and I also am very unable to walk great distances at the moment, having surgery in a month and my car was paid for outright. They are still taking it off me on Friday morning, and when they have sold it they are giving me a 1000 to buy a little run around, in the meantime even though I cannot afford it it's going to be taxis to hyro thereapy and physio and consultancy appts. they dont seem to care. I hate them....maybe you will have better luck.

Merlinexcalibur

Welcome, I am sure the experts here will be along soon.

The amount owed isn't that much really, just under £15,000.

The CAB never mentioned about the Debt Relief Orders, then came into force this month for people with less than £15000 debt? Totally different to BR, no name in the paper, no OR involved. Which, from what you are saying, would probably have been more suitable for you. Anyway, nothing wrong in that but surprised it was never suggested to you by them.

We haven't told many people about the situation, and so I'm dreading it going in the paper.

Well, look at it this way. I haven't seen them but from my understanding it will be amongst the rest of the names who have gone BR. So, what I am saying is, it will be well hidden amongst all those and, besides, unless those you have told know what day it is going in - and they are desperate for whatever reason to look; I wouldn't call them 'friends' if so shall we say - I wouldn't let it bother you. As for anyone else, if they don't know you personally, it's just another name in the paper of someone going BR. Though, I completely understand why it is, so don't get me wrong.

As for the pressuring from creditors, the CAB should really have advised you how to deal with that, as they normally/usually would. But it's a pity you never found MSE before.

I keep getting panic attacks all the time, I just feel so stressed and drained from the months of worrying.

Well, if it's affecting you that severely, anyone can only suggest visiting your GP. If you haven't already.

moneytroubles_3

Hi Wildthing

I'm not sure what they will do about it, to be honest it might be a blessing if it goes because of the expense but I know we cannot live here without a car. I'm also quite ill, it's something I've had for a long time but isn't cureable and if I'm honest the stress of all this doesn't help. I hope your situation improves as well as your health. Kind regards

whitewing

I have to say that I never check through the papers like you're worried about, and I would not know that a friend had gone bankrupt unless they told me. Even if someone else told me, I'd just feel sad that things had got that bad, and would wish you well for the future. It will be tough, but it will be okay too.

moneytroubles_3

I think they did mention the Debt Relief Orders but my OH was told that they only work if you know exactly who your creditors are and as he's been running for that long I don't think he knows himself anymore. I'm not even sure he's been given the right advice from the CAB.

I know you're totally right about the paper situation, I think I'm just having a bad day and letting it all get to me. The constant worrying is a hard habit to break.

I have been to the dr as I also have other health issues, I need to calm down a bit and stop working myself up into a state. I am normally a logical, practical person but it's all been quite overwhelming of late. Thanks for your advice and support, it's much appreciated.

wildthing46

Listen I lost 2 houses, car now, and job....been in the papers, on the google thingey, who gives a monkeys......I can't even walk propertly yet....

It's easy for me to say stop stressing as I spent most of today and last night in tears...just remember.... life's too short, have a cry, shout, whatever, things can only get better!!!! I'm going through hell and back, and it may sure seem like we're in it forever but there has GOT to be a way out of hell! And you will eventually find it...:beer:

Now you will find out who your true friends are....:A

renegadefm

I don't want to upset you further than you already are moneytroubles, but to me the having to tell my parents and close family for fear of them finding out afterwards in the paper was far more stressfull than actually going to court or going bankrupt, and its a damn good job I did tell them because about 5 people I know read it in the paper and asked me if its true etc, so it would have been a matter of time before my parents found out.

So I had to sit them down and tell them and believe me it wasen't easy, and they took it very badly indeed, but like I said to them, the last 17 years since I been in debt have been far more stressfull than going bankrupt, and eventually they seen what I mean't but it was a living nightmare, so all I'm saying is, I'm not trying to scare you but prepare you, cause it will be in the paper and I would have thought stastically at least 2 or 3 people you know will end up seeing it and it will eventually spread.

I had someone ask me the other day and it was close to the end of my bankruptcy, and not really someone I see that often, they just distant friends of my parents.

I think there should be a law against you private things going to press, especially fiancial matters.

So_Sad_Angel

renegadefm wrote: »

I think there should be a law against you private things going to press, especially fiancial matters.

I absolutely agree renegadfm. After all there would be uproar if exceeding your overdraft or defaulting on a payment was published on the public domain.

Data Protection Act 1998 is the law but it still allows BR information to be publicly advertised without the individuals express permission/authority to do so. If creditors want this info then it should be via a credit search with correct authority & by no other means.

Angel x

fiveyearplan

Hi and welcome.! It might help if you post your OH's SOA for guidance before his OR interview.

Whose name is the car in? If it is on HP it still belongs to the HP company and cannot be considered an asset. If it is your name it won't be considered an asset either.

Did you not have any joint debt?

gettingoutofdebt

renegadefm wrote: »

I think there should be a law against you private things going to press, especially fiancial matters.

Yes, the printing of somone's name in the paper as they are bankrupt is definitely an archaic practice and there were rumours that this was going to stop this financial year.

One thing it does do though is to force people to try to find other alternatives to resolve their debt problems such as IVAs, DMPs, etc. and BR should always be the last resort.

Stick with it moneytroubles and things will get better. This is a good forum for support so add a new post if things are getting you down and we will try to get you motivated again.