Am I being mean?

Ruthie5

OH's family all live abroad and we hadn't thought they would come over for the wedding. They are lovely and had pretty much said to us that we should do what we want and enjoy it.

However, they have been in touch to say that they may all come over, because OH isn't going over there this summer (there's 12 of them including his Mum, Dad, sisters and their kids.) At first they suggested we went away with them on a two week break. We told them that this was going to be difficult as we'd be pretty busy around the wedding...and plus we want to go on our honeymoon straight after. They came back and said, 'how about a week then?'

Behind the scenes I told OH that, whilst It would be really special having his family there that:

a) I didn't want to go on holiday with them, and
b) I didn't want him to go away with them if it was right around the time of our wedding....don't want to be left on my own with last minute panics, and
c) I didn't want to be catering for that number of people around the time of the wedding.

They are lovely, but because they don't get to see him much (only a couple of times a year) they are keen to see him 24/7. I've suggested they come to stay locally for a week, and then go away (without OH) for a second week. I've said we could either book them a cottage, or they can stay in our house, and we'll book a small cottage for us. That way, we can get together a lot, but we'll still have our own space.

OH was quite upset to be caught in the middle of things, and said he wanted me to be involved in the conversation about it, so we talked to them together, and he was happier, and I think they do understand.

I was just a bit upset that I really had to push the point that it is our wedding, and whilst it would be lovely for his family to be there, they would need to work around our plans.

Does that seem reasonable?

*Louise*

Ruthie5 wrote: »

I've suggested they come to stay locally for a week, and then go away (without OH) for a second week. I've said we could either book them a cottage, or they can stay in our house, and we'll book a small cottage for us. That way, we can get together a lot, but we'll still have our own space.

I think that seems like a perfectly reasonable suggestion. I wouldn't be too chuffed if my OH went off for a holiday (even if it was with family) right before the wedding, and leaving me to it all.

How close to the wedding exactly are they planning on coming over - is it in order to attend the actual wedding? Or just before?

ClaireN75

They're hopefully just excited about the wedding and this has translated into a bit of thoughtlessness about your capacity to act as tour guides for them. I think your compromise is a good one and if everyone says they're ok with it then don't worry about it any further.

I do know how you feel, OH's family are coming over for our wedding and we have put together a lot of tourism information in the hope that family members and friends will take the initiative to plan their own holidays and travel. We still get complaints about how some people are worried about driving on the left, etc. but what can you do? I personally smile and say that I hope they'll enjoy the adventure!

Ruthie5

Thanks Louise, they will probably be coming to attend the wedding. We're waiting to see what they organise in terms of flight dates before we confirm the wedding date.

*Louise*

Ruthie5 wrote: »

Thanks Louise, they will probably be coming to attend the wedding. We're waiting to see what they organise in terms of flight dates before we confirm the wedding date.

That settles it for me then - if they are going to be over for the wedding then no one can possibly expect you to go on a holiday, (even for just a week) at the busiest time of your whole year!!