Afraid to tell other half

kittiej

Whilst your OH was out of work what did you live on?

Were your debts as a cosequence of this or do you just spend money without realising?

Perhaps you could try to say that you were keeping things going the best you could whilst he was out of work? I'm not saying you should shift the blame onto him, but could this be a credible factor?

Moo72

Thank you all for your advice. I'm putting it off as much as I can as I dont want to spoil the evening or weekend. But I have set myself a goal to tell him. He was away for a few days and came home and there was no coffee in the house. He asked why and I said it was because I had no money. He said that he hated the idea that I was without money and I should tell him - which I will when he comes back from golf today.
Our financial situation was not really caused due to him losing his job but it didnt help as I felt I could not ask him for money as he did not really have any. He got some redundancy pay but not a lot. Anyway, will tell him and then maybe we can sit and work on our budget together seeing that he is now getting paid again too.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your advice - feeling more positive today:j

Nargleblast

Good luck Moo, if you have all your facts and figures ready it will show you are serious about sorting things out. There will be a few tears I'm sure but if he's a good sort then it will bring you both closer together, and you will be able to solve the problem as a team.

ylesia

Hi Moo, myself and my Dad were in the dark about my Mum's debt until my Dad found out by accident. It devestated us both that she had not felt able to tell us, that was 4 years ago and we are working on sorting it all out. I am still bothered by the fact that Mum didn't tell us but I understand why. Talking to your OH really is the best thing to do, you don't want him finding out by accident as that will hurt him even more. Good luck.

Moo72

Ive told him about the situation and although he was not very happy that I had not told him earlier to protect him really..... he is now okay and said that we will work it out together and do a bugdet and that I should tell him WHENEVER I need money (especially for the girls or for food!) Thanks so much everyone!:beer:

RAS

Glad you did the deed and it is OK.

Now you might want to explore other areas on MSe like the Boost your ncome thread, freebies, comps, Old Style Money Saving etc?

angelicmary85

Moo72 wrote: »

Ive told him about the situation and although he was not very happy that I had not told him earlier to protect him really..... he is now okay and said that we will work it out together and do a bugdet and that I should tell him WHENEVER I need money (especially for the girls or for food!) Thanks so much everyone!:beer:

Well done you!!

Glad all is o.k it's good that hubby is prepared to work with you, it makes all the difference when there's support when you need it...and if he does become a pain about it...jump on here and vent some frustration!!
Good luck with all that is to come! x

DawnW

Glad it has all worked out. Remember that if it is things like after school club, nursery and food for the family that it is a JOINT responsibility though - not yours alone.

Good luck x

MrFlibble

Glad to read that it is all out in the open now for you, and I hope you get things back on an even keel. I was in a similar situation myself, we have two children (one 2, the other only 3 weeks old!) and I had been hiding debts from myself and my wife.
The debt is on a credit card, and has been incurred mostly from fuel for running my car, which i then claim back on expenses from my company - the problem being if I put in say £40 of fuel, I may only use £30 for work travel - that soon adds up and spiralled really.
Something similar happened over a year ago, which devasted my wife when she found out. My parents had to help out, and things were starting to get back on track, but I had hidden the CC problem from everyone. I had to tell her on Saturday and she was angry, hurt and upset.
My family are all that matter to me, and to see that I have hurt her so much is killing me. My little boys mean the world to me, my wife can't put them through uncertainty, and thinks that she can't trust me to not lose the house or something.
I have written a letter to my parents telling them what has happened (because i am too ashamed to phone or visit them) but all that matters is my wife and the boys being okay, if that means being without me then maybe it would be best.
I am so pleased things have worked out for the original poster, but please please please don't let things get back to how they were, which is what i have done. Watching those you love having their hearts broken is just awful, and doesn't make much of a husband or father of me.

bluejeans

just want to say, i kept my debts from my OH for 10 years. I had no intentions of telling him, as i didn't know how he would react, he found out by accident. I could not believe his response, he was a star. But i do know exactly how you feel. I still don't think i would have told him ? but I'm sure glad he found out. I cannot describe the relief of not having to lie and hide the mail everyday