What am I doing wrong?

devils_vixen

This could be a lengthy post so apologies in advance!

I have been in my current job for almost a year now. I really enjoy my job but for the past few months now I have dreaded the thought of going into work!
I work in a large office and sit with 6 other women. 4 of us are roughly the same age. One is slightly older and the line manager and another woman is in her 40's.
I only work part time. When I first started, I sat at a different desk to what I do now.
When I was moved desks, I couldn't believe some of the b!tching that went on about the woman in her 40's! I just kept out of it. I am the only person out the team who does something completely different to them!
For the past 2 months, I have had this horrible feeling that the b!tching has turned onto me!
And I can't understand why?! I go in everyday, am always polite, ask how the weekend was etc, do my work, and then go home. 4 of us in the office smoke (well only 3 now as I quit on Thursday) but I always went out on my own. Was never invited to go out for one (one of the girls is a temp and has only been there a few months)
A comment was made about this woman in her 40's about how she never had anyone's mobile number from work. She ended up saying to one of them about this and when the conversation was being played back to me, the comment was 'take the hint!'
I then thought to myself ok hint taken as I too didnt have anyone's number (and TBH wasn't that fussed - I am there to work not find a new best friend!)
Anyway the last few weeks I have decided that if they are going to talk about me then sod it I will come out with random !!!!!! and give them something worthwhile to talk about! This was great and I felt as though I was having the last laugh as I could see one of the girls chomping at the bit to tell the rest of them what I just said!
But this last week has really got me down. My line manager was interviewing one day and the comments that were flying over the desks was almost unbareable. Can't say for certain that they were about me but you know when you know?
It wouldn't have made a difference even if the line manager was there or not as she is just as bad if not worse and I can remember being told when I first started from the temp that the turnover was high and alot of staff left because of the b!tching!
I left the office on Tuesday and had to rush to the toilet where I sat for about 30mins in tears - thought I was going to start again on the bus home! Wednesday and Thursday, I hardly said anything infact didn't even say bye or nothing when I left. I am off next week and am so happy!
I am hopefully leaving this office and transferring to a different dept but I am terrified that it will happen again!
I have always worked in offices and know that you will always hear a bit of b!tching. I can't help but think it is me that is the problem or if you have children as the other woman too has a child. I don't get invited to lunch/nights out or anything else so it must be me!
Wished I hadn't started this thread as it has just made me cry again!

Wicked_witch

Okay, I can pretty much guarantee that you are NOT doing anything wrong. You've been unfortunate enough to land in an environment where this bullying behaviour has become standard practice (yes, been there and so has more than one of my friends...). Just get out asap but don't lose your self confidence- this is not your fault, it is the fault of poor managment and working practice.

I have vowed never to work with other women again tbh- it's just not worth the stress.

Wicked_witch

PS, the fact that others admit turnover is high is the best proof you could have that this is not really anything to do with you as a person at all.

*hugs*

jessicamb

sounds horrible - dont take it personally and find yourself a better environment to work in soon

CFC

Mmm it probably has turned to you now simply because they are now bored of !!!!!ing about the woman in her 40's. Speak to your line manager about it or just think of them as unpleasant teenagers in your own mind, and thicken your skin. TBH once you saw them going on about that other woman, you could have guessed your turn would come

Mrs_Thrify

Hiya, this is what happens a lot when a group of girls work together.
Just think before you say anything as it will lead to more chatter.
At the moment work is hard to come by so we have to comsider the money and the bills we need to pay before jacking in, prehaps just try to keep carm to avoid stress and keep quiet at work. A lot of girls are going through the same in diffrent jobs - thoose emotions have a lot to answer for!

devils_vixen

That's just the thing thought I am quiet at work. And the line manager also happens to be part of the gang! I felt at one poing it is because I have a child (as the other woman that was the target has one too)
2 of them are leaving at the end of the month and there is a leaving do the week before, I however already have my excuses as to why I can't go because after one drop of alcohol I will say something! If it was a group of girls on a night out or in the street and one of them said something then I would have no problem bringing her down a peg or two but because I work with them, and I don't believe in not working (unless I don't have a choice) I feel that I can't be myself because I don't want to lose my job or have a black mark against my file!
I am actually counting down the days until my transfer and was gutted to hear it had been put back a week! Thanks to my line manager!

Zazen999

Keep your head down until the transfer...and when you do - just be nice and pleasant to the next lot....you don't have to join in the !!!!!ing just be pleasant - even if it hurts.

Take the hint indeed....what a bunch of self-obsessed idiots.

DCFC79

Why is it people just cant be polite in the workplace, im refering to the OP's colleagues

McKneff

When you go just do it with dignity. Smile sweetly and just say bye all,

seven-day-weekend

I used to work in an office in a 'pool' of similarly qualified people (mainly female) all much younger than me. We all did roughly the same job. The office manager was there too.

The B! tching was awful. Although I did not join in and as the much older person there attempted to be a peacemaker, the atmosphere was awful.

A job came up, same role, same salary, in a smaller team consisting solely of men. I was the only person in that team doing my particular job. I applied and got the job.

It was heaven to be out of the pool and not have to listen to all the vitriole any more. I worked in that little team for four years until I took early retirement.

I suggest it is NOT you, it is that team, I have noticed, unfortunately that B! tchiness is most often down to women (I am female myself before anyone jumps on me) - try and get this other job if you can and things may be much much better.

I feel for you, it is awful, but try and leave these horrible people behind knowing that your conscience is clear.