Can't settle :-(

thatcherschild

I'm in the process of doing my SOA but I just needed to come and get something down on paper as I really can't settle. I wish this were my light bulb moment but to be honest we've been here before (spending more than we earn) and remortgaged to cover it (twice) and here we are again, with no equity in the house and outgoings going up and up.

We can keep to a budget for a month or two but no longer.... whilst I'm working out the SOA I've just been keeping a note of the money we spend and even when we're trying not to spend money we spend £100s. We don't have a house full of the latest tvs, we don't take holidays or have a new car but we still seem to haemorage money. On paper we should be fine but it's in practice that we fall short by anything up to £750 a month.

I've found reading these boards really useful, my hubby and I have alread started a competition to see who can sell the most on ebay, and we've bet this weeks ironing on who can spend the least this week.... but I just can't settle.

Did anyone else feel like this? Does it go without losing the fear, I think the fear might be the only thing that makes us stick to it.

Maggie x x x

dotstar24

hi hun and well done for being honest. what is your money going on when you go off budget? x

Cleosmum

Challenges are good, like the monthly grocery challenge, payment a day, ebay challenge, I think there is a list at the top of the DFW. Pop over to old style for the grocery challenge, tips on living for less, meal planning etc.

It sounds like you need an overhaul, starting with your SOA is good, work out how much you owe and to whom, cancel sky, cut up cards etc. Decide on a plan of attack. You could also join the daily 'what small things' thread that is posted daily by Sophiesmum, it really focuses you, its surprising what you can achieve on a daily basis.

Welcome to DFW

GeorgeUK

Hi Maggie

Have you tried keeping a spending diary to see where the extra money is going?

If you are spending it while out shopping, you might be better making meal plans so that you have a shopping list when going out and only buy what is on the list - nothing else.
If you are spending on coffees, magazines etc, you may be able to find a strategy that will stop you spending or reducing the amount.

£750 a month is a huge amount to overspend by. This is a serious problem and you need to find out where it is going so you can plug that leak.

Saab

Hi Maggie

It's good to get it out of your head, writing it down sort of helps to settle the fear bit...I always find that anyway.

Although we don't have loads of debt, we always seem to have a little bit, and that has been a constant for years. OH is self employed and I've spent the best part of 30 years feeling unsettled, waiting for payments, waiting to hear if there is work next week. I'm sort of hardened to it a bit now, but I know the feeling and sympathise.:)

Elsas_mamma

Hi Thatcherschild,
you could be writing about me!! And probably half the people on this site.
I think we have had half our lightbulb moment in our house, we know what we should do and how to do it. Actually following through is a different story:o .
Sticking to our budget was so hard at first, but now it is like second nature to question almost everything we buy.....almost obsessive!
The No Spend challenge is brilliant, if I am about to buy something I don't really need I just remember that I won't be able to come on here and add another day to my target.
I have lots of times when it feels like there is no end to it, but deep down I know we will get there.
Good luck and keep going.
K

Fire_Fox

I agree with the above posters who have suggested challenges - daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. New ones to keep you interested! Between you and yourself, you and your husband, and you and the lovely folks on here. :T

Cut up all cards bar the debit card (leave it at home!!), write out a meal plan, shopping list, to do list and take it all a day at a time. Work out what your triggers are: when are you spending (garage, work cafe)? Why are you spending (bored,depressed)? How can you be in a different place physically or mentally to avoid that trigger?

It's the same for a smoker - they will usually have several 'practise' attempts before quitting for good. The successful ones change their attitude BUT ALSO change their routine. They don't get as drunk the first few nights out, they have a shower before their morning cuppa instead of the cup-of-tea-and-a-fag before the morning shower. :cool:

firesidemaid

it sounds like you are both on board, so that's a good start.

i definitely agree about getting rid of the credit cards - it is a little scary at first - but we have done it now and it feels so much better.

if you have £750 a month to 'spare' at such (or whatever after debt repayment), syphon it off to another account. i split this 'spare' amount and write down a budget for emergency fund, amount saved for annual costs etc etc. any documented spends from this money has to be agreed my both me and OH. at the end of the month you can use what is left to throw at debt, save for something and use a LITTLE to treat yourselves.

do you each have a set amount of spends/pocket money a week/month?

i generally leave all money at home all during the working week - i make sure i take enough stuff for luches for week.

make yourself do your soa and include all annual costs too. it may shock you!

boopydoo

Hi Maggie

I know exactly how you feel. I find I'm getting somewhere with my CC debt and then take a trip to the shops. I definitely don't go as much as I used to but when I do I'm back to square one

Definitely not taking cards out with you and only taking enough money for what you definitely need. I got a new CC that I keep in my purse for emergencies but I don't know the PIN. If I need to spend on it I have to ring my OH who I gave the number to and believe me that's enough to put you off wanting to spend- he's so damn good with money it makes me sick!! After the spend he has to change the number so I can't use it again.

sarahs999

I think also you need to sxtart seeing some results before you get that 'settled' feeling. Also because you don't know why or how you're spendnig so much, it will seem unsolvable at the moment. Once your spending diary and SOA reveal everything in its scarey entirety, you'll feel better, as y ou'll know what you'er working with.

thatcherschild

Thank you so much everyone! Am just about to post my SOA which has been sobering to say the least.

It's so scary I don't know how we'll live off what we've got left, especially when you put in all those annual costs. Just realised that our car is on the highest road tax band and drinks petrol so I think it has to go and we have to get a smaller engine size. I'm quite sad as this car is my dream car but I think it's the only decision to make.

Maggie.