How did you tell your partner you had debts?

wornoutmumoftwo

My OH is demanding to see my bank statements, convinced we have a debt problem, we do but it's minor, I can afford all the monthly payments.

I just wondered how you told your OH,

Our debts are:
Barclaycard 2224
Argos 500
Vanquis 200 (Paid in full each month)
Studio 400
Littlewoods 180
Capital one 190
Bank of Scotland 520


These debts built up about 3 years ago because of unemployment and the child tax credit people stoppping all our money and I've spent the last three paying other debts off and the above is what I am curently left with.

I know they are debts but all are up to date with payments, I'm not incurring charges with any of them and have budgeted to have these all cleared by the end of the year.

Problem is my OH see's everything as a debt, including his car which is costing us £7k and the window finance (£57 per month for the next 8 years)

I know he's going to go mental when he sees my statment....so I just need some advice.

We have a weekly income of about £400

Thank you

Iron_Pyrite

Problem is my OH see's everything as a debt, including his car which is costing us £7k and the window finance (£57 per month for the next 8 years)


I would tend to agree with this assumption:o

Anyhoo get him to help pay the debts off and it will be before the year end.:T

ILW

wornoutmumoftwo wrote: »

Problem is my OH see's everything as a debt, including his car which is costing us £7k and the window finance (£57 per month for the next 8 years)

What do you see them as?

wornoutmumoftwo

I see them as debts too, sorry, I probably wrote it wrong.

But compared to a year ago when I was borrowing from peter to pay paul and having hardly any money left to live on it is much more managable now.

My goal for this year is to be debt free by december,

lilac_lady

If you find it difficult to manage money and your OH is better at running the family finances, show him everything and suggest that he takes on the role of running your household financially. Try not to get into a "heated debate" about it. BTw I agree with your OH that credit is debt.

Pay everything by cash and you'll be far more aware of what you're spending.

Tixy

My advice would be that you do need to tell him. Maybe you could set it all down on paper. Each debt, balance, repayment amount, date the debt will be cleared. This way you can go through it with him debt by debt and you will be showing him you are in control of the debts. That way when he looks at the bank statements he won't have any suprises.

Mar-tan

You should tell him, i have just been through all this with my girlfriend! She was spending alot and is a student so i asked if i could help with her finances and she went all strange and defensive before allowing me to have a look at her bills. She then produced a box full of opened and unopened letters/statements and bills :eek:

We have sorted it all out and paid her bills off but she has incurred alot of changes, there was literally a bin bag full of empty envelopes, i almost felt like putting her in there aswell!:p

Sorry to go off topic but if he's just trying to help let him he is probably worrying about it!

ebonylight

When I met my ex I was working in a pub as well as my full time job. I think he worked it out for himself...:beer:

wornoutmumoftwo

We have sorted it all out and paid her bills off but she has incurred alot of changes, there was literally a bin bag full of empty envelopes, i almost felt like putting her in there aswell!:p

That was me a couple of years ago...I am pleased to say I no longer fear what the postman pops through the door.

I am actually good with money, but can only pay out what is coming in, a few years back when the OH got laid off, the child tax credit people stopped my money due to an admin error (took 6 months to sort out), the banks made a small fortune out of me in charges and in the meantime my debts spiralled out of control.

That scenario is in the past now and the debts I mentioned really are the last, my OH panics, I know we're going to have a major barney about it and I'm fed up with how he treats me (there's other stuff going on).

THank you all for your advice, think I'll just tell him, get it over with and see what happens.

My biggest problem with him is that everything I say he twists and turns and doesn't listen to a single word I say!

Pollycat

Hi there
It may be a good idea if you could post a SOA, here's the link:

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

There's a couple of worrying things in your original post:
How 'demanding' is your husband re seeing your bank statements?
Do you keep your income and outgoings totally separate? It sounds that way to me if he doesn't regularly see your statements and doesn't know the extent of your debt.

From the way you explain how you came to be in debt, it doesn't sound like you were splashing cash that you didn't have, so I just wonder why you're not dealing with this together.

If the debts were just as a result of things being difficult (unemployment/withdrawal of benefits etc), your OH should be able to accept them, not judge you (it doesn't sound to me that you are at fault here) I hope your OH is reasonable when you SHARE the information.

Regards

wornoutmumoftwo

From the way you explain how you came to be in debt, it doesn't sound like you were splashing cash that you didn't have, so I just wonder why you're not dealing with this together.

We have been together over 15 years, married for 8 and for the last few years I have been unable to speak to him.

The bulk of this debt is on a credit card, which I know is stupid and had I know of this site then things would have been different (balance transfers etc) but I didn't - I used it to pay bills when we were living on very little.

I never did splash cash, even now I never buy anything for myself, all I want is to be debt free and save for the boys future.

THe last year was spent paying off other debts with debt collectors and two years of council tax so this year I'm free to deal with the rest - £200ish a week (and I'm proud of the fact I've already paid the April installment of Council Tax)