Parents on a (fee paying!) dmp and brother going to uni

Dinah93

bozbear wrote: »

Hi

Cant really help with the DMP questions, butwith regard to the student finance surely he should get the Tuition Fee Loan and still be able to get the full loan (but not the grant) the tuition fee loan will cover all fees, and the loan is £3300 (not loads but some)?

I'm guessing that he gets just over the threashold for this, as mum said his loan would cover his fees and a little of the accomodation and that is it. I apreciate they earn a lot and on paper this should not be a huge cost to them, unfortunately how things are for them at the moment makes this a big issue.

RAS

Hi

With brother, I think a very firm talk about financial responsibility now would not go astray - in the terms of if you pay your debt off like this with a bank or any other body, you would have already trashed your credit rating. However, I think you need to avoid any mention of the parental debt situation until he has done his A levels.

Are you aware that your parent probably have to release any equity in the house as part of the IVA deal. Meaning and even bigger mortgage.

Life is not fair and so your brother is not going to get the same support that you got. Tough, really tough but your parents will be bankrupt if they carry on trying to fund him. it is just what happens in families. Sometimes it is the first child who does not get much because the parents are struggling with housing and low salaries and then the younger child benefits from the promotions and higher salaries. It just is what happens.

The bank of mum and dad savings deal is crazy. They simply do not have the money. and again how is he going to realistically learn to budget and look after his own finances when they are misleading him as to the real value of savings?

There are hardship finds and the like but they are small beer and your brother would have to demonstrate to the University why his parents have not been contributing. he might also check if there are any scholarships or bursaries around, but he cant do that because he does not know the problem exists.

Mum must realise that she CANNOT take out any more credit. If she does and the IVA fails, they will have paid all that money and still owe a fortune.

Can you talk to grand dad and help him stand up to mum?

Dinah93

I think grandad has now, and has simply told mum he can't afford anything else. I'm currently trying to reclaim the CC charges for him, as bless him he's never had a CC in his life before now.

I had no idea they would have had to release equity in the house, although from what I gather they remortgaged several times to release money to pay debts and fees before they ended up in the IVA, so it was unlikely there was much in there. There is a house in the bigger style than theres about 150m away up for sale for £200k at the moment, so it's definitely worth less than the mortgage outstanding. They haven't tried to reclaim any of the endowment as it was sold to them by an ex-aquaintence whom mum describes as sharp as a pin who would never admit not telling them it could go down as well as up.

I think you are right, and I will need to have a gentle word with brother at some point. I've been trying to pursuade him into little ways of money making (selling old textbooks, free scratchies (I'd even do them for him if he gave me his card just for the first time), etc. He briefly made about £30 on slice the pie which was supposed to go towards paying me back but then he spent it. He has premium bonds which are supposed to be getting cashed in to repay me, however mum never gets around to doing the form, and he's pretty much washed his hands of it. Mum and dad have always taken the attitude that he needs more time to do the same work as me, so he can't work when at school like I did to pay my phone bill, going out spends etc, but I don't think this attitude has helped him, and I don't know whether he'll completely clam up and hope they sort it out for him if I try to talk to him.

She knows she can't have any more credit.... hence why they've been taking it out through me and my grandad instead. It's a horrible situation but it's only made worse since they don't have a budget, and seem to think the tooth fairy is going to come and save the day. I love my parents to bits don't get me wrong, they did everything they could for DB and me, but financially they don't ever seem to face things.

RAS

It is apparent from all your posts that you love your folks, and it must be very difficult if they do not get it.

Maybe at some stage, now that things are getting really difficult, you might be able to get the message across that the consequence of paying all these things out, including the 10% savings account, and not budgeting or even trying to reclaim the endowment shortfall is that they now cannot support DB as they want to?

By the sounds of things it is going to be another 3 years before they get on any sort of even keel?

Talk to mum when she will let you and keep chipping away but until your brother knows the full situation, there is not a lot you can do to help him. I mean, he could go for a military scholarship, there are a few commercial scholarships but if he does not know there is a problem I cannot see how he can action any of this.