Private child support..

Lkins

Hi there,

I need some help as a have a fairly unreasonable ex and I dont know what to do next!

I recently ( last week), lost custody to my two childrens to their Father, they now reside with them, this was due to nothing I had done wrong, other than relocating 270 miles away back to my home town since we separated. The judge at the court rules that the children have to stay down with him, because of possible disruption in their education. I was devestated at this decision, as it has always been me that the children have resided with since thier Dad left us years ago. I did discuss relcoating with the children, it wasn't until I moved he apealled and requested residency.

Anyway as well as the heartache Im trying to get over, I am now liable for maintenance, which of course I want to pay for the sake of my children, however my income is only £900.00 a month cleared, after outgoings and loan repayment I am left with £200.00 that is also for food and petrol. I have offered their Father £100.00 a month whilst Im still of this employment, and I work for a BIG company, work is scarce in the North East, so Im lucky I have this .

Thier Dad is saying this is not enough and I dont know what to do. He never paid maintenace once to me whilst we were separated and even now he lives with his partner who does not work and instead looks after MY children and himself who is on at least 40k a year.

I just dont know what to do and cant afford anymore. help.

k

SuziQ

Is he going to the CSA? The danger of this is that they will calculate a proportion of your income and won't take outgoings into account-it will be i believe 20% of your net income.In tis case then £180 a month.

I wouldn't have felt it was ok to take the kids so far away from their dad and the life they knew,personally. My hubands ex did this and it as been devastating to them and us. I understand re your job-but I wouldn't put a job over their stability,education and proximity to family especially their dad.You do have the option of moving back. Being near your kids has got to be worth more than your job?If you lost your job then maintenance won't be an issue until you find another-at least you know they aren't going to starve whilst you relocate if you decide to do so.
Did you try to get maintenance out of him whilst you resided with the kids? If not I feel that was your choice. If the CSA failed to get money off him are there arrears to offset if they demand you start paying a certain amount?In what way is he unreasonable? Is he denying contact?

Really £100 is nothing for 2 children a month-£12.50 a week each goes nowhere. I also fail to see why you are seemingly angry that his new partner does not work? Is she good to the kids,do they like her? I would at least be thankful of that if it was me. Love and attention are just as important as money and perhaps they both feel it is better for her to be a sahm,the csa wouldn't expect her to financially support your children anyway.I do understand that you feel very bitter and raw about this but it's not helping you.
I really feel for you-I couldn't imagine being so far away from my kids or losing custody,it must be horrible for you.

Lkins

Suzi,

Thanks for the reply. My reasons for taking my children away from their Dad was because he never helped us with nothing! and never even wanted them!! But still the judge awarded the children to him!!!!!!!!!!!

I moved away because its where I'm from and with my family around me I would have had that support, but because of the stupid legal system they found it to be better that the girls stay with their dad, after HE moved them into a new school without me knowing.

All I wanted to know is where I stand with payments. The full court battle is much too too complicated hence me now being signed off sick from work with stress and eating disorder.

So please do not comment on my situation...without knowing anything about it!

I asked for info on payments only

Thankyou.

SuziQ

OK then just put the bare facts in if you don't want any other comments. You included a certain amount of commentary whwich invited opinion.I said I feel for you-but I am sorry if my opinion has hurt you. We have been on the recieving end of the kids being moved.Rarely is it the right thing to move kids away from everything they have known. I have checked on the CSA calculator and the amount they would ask you to pay is £180 per month if you have the kids less than 52 days a year and have no other children in your household. You haven't answered re why you didn't get maintenance off him but if he owes you that is an important factor.

ETS I have just seen your other thread with the info re your husband paying the mortgage instead of maintenance. Isn't it 6 of one and half dozen of the other? Whether he paid the mortgage or it was called maintenance at least he was paying you,and it was down to you to go to the CSA if you felt it wasn't enough.If he had given it you as maintenance then the money would have gone into the pot you paid the mortgage from in any case. He is still entitled to half equity unless you went for a clean break settlement.As for the equity-I would imagine that has gone down significantly if you are anything like me.

As for the court fees,I honestly doubt he will be able to claim that back. He chose to have representation for a court case which would not have classed you as unreasonable-ie you hadn't done anything the court would have considered vexatious to cause him to accrue court costs. He can I am pretty sure go whistle for those!!!! So at least in that aspect I don't think you should concern yourself-you are already under enough stress as it is.Get it sold so that you can sort your future out. Maybe if you moved back local you could appeal and try to get residency again? Try for Legal aid?