How do I get my wife on board?

Mr_Burns

I have explained everything to her and she is fully aware of how much debt we are in.
She understands that we need to change but.....
I set up a weekly budget for us. On the first day she took a fiver from it for lunch at work.
When talking about snowballing all our credit and store cards and each time one gets paid off we cut it up and cancel it she stated that she wants to keep control of her finances and keep one card as a security blanket! for emergencies. I have explained to her that we have never used a card just for emergencies or as a security blanket. I am worried that if we work hard a clear a card of say £2500 in six months we would be back where we started with the card.
She has also come out with classics that she doesnt want to stop having a life and she has always lived in her overdraft and it would seem weird to clear it. Also all of her friends are always in debt. Everyone she knows is.
My reply is we are not everyone else. We both get paid a good wage, we have no savings cant afford to go on holiday this year and last week she had to turn down some friends offer to go out and she couldnt afford it.
I really can see the light and a way out of this but I am not sure if I can do it on my own. :wall:
Anyone else encountered this?

Dora_the_Explorer_5

She understands that we need to change but.....

To be blunt, it doesn't look like she wants to.
Perhaps a discussion about what marriage means to both of your? One for all and all for one? or every man for himself?

lynzpower

I understand this completely, and Im figuring that a blend of kind and open communication and hammerlike untness is the only way forward!

After a little whinge on here yesterday I had a discussion with my OH and just said, look we sont have a future while im worrying about stuff like this. We cant have holidays, were not going to get married and we'll never be able for me to stop workign and having kids. Unless your salary is going tobe able to cover my 350 a month debt. the penny dropped then I think. But not entirely, as we are off out ot meet mates for a cheap pint tonight and we have a strict budget for it, and i said, look were not getting a cab home though, OK? And hes like, oh but it is a bit rough round there etc, I dont wanna be walking it etc. Me just going NO

Living without debt I would say can be a strange idea, i mean overdrafts credit card loans and robbing peter to pay paul have been a part of my life for about 10 years.
You cant force someone to have thier lightbulb moment, but if they start getting ratty about it, ask them to sit down and do the math themselves and see if they can come up with a better ( MSE style of course!) plan.

Good luck with this and let us know how you are doing x

mountainofdebt

When I realised that my lightbulb was well and truely glaring!

Work out how much you accrued in interest last year on your overdrafts/credit cards and then ask her what she would like to spend that amount of money on.

Bet it wouldn't be servicing her debts!

If that info doesn't shock her nothing will.

Fill_7

im so with you on this one mr burns. my OH tells me that everyone lives there life on the never never, and no matter how hard i try to explain that living the way we are aint working she refuses to cooperate. i could ramble on all day about this, i just wish she understood that budgeting and planning is so much better than spending and struggling. i dont think she'll ever have her lightbulb moment
:wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall:

daveybaby_2

....but, as we all have learned to our cost at some stage, the thing about living on the never-never is the bills always snowball up!

also -why is it called the never -never? is it because you NEVER seem to pay the bill off, and you NEVER seem to own the goods (in the days of hire-purchase)

MonkeyGirl

Have you written it al down so its in black and white for her? If not write everything down your ins and outs. That made my partner sit up and listen when he saw it in writing. He did try to argue some of it so I pulled out the statements to back my calculations up.

Hope you get it sorted.

MonkeyGirl

daveybaby_2

... i know in one of the articles on here, martin does suggest that to get out of debt you could throw all your savings at the debt, including your emergency fund, and keep a valid credit card as your emergency-use-only. but he does also emphasise locking it away in a draw so youre not tempted to use it routinely

daveybaby_2

..... but it must take balls of steel to do this!!

Dora_the_Explorer_5

No it doesn't - it takes maturity, responsibility, self-reliance and common sense.

fruityslh

It has taken me a long time of slow dripping to get throught to my DH, I gave him the total figure of debt 12 months ago and he was shocked and said yes we had to do something, now in that time we've worked very hard at bringing our debt down, however I know my husband does not fully understand the concept of debt and credit cards and nor does he have the inclination to learn.

We agreed that I have control over his bank account, his credit cards and he gets a monthly spending allowance left in his bank account once I've transferred what I need out, OK I feel like his mum sometimes and whenever we discuss something financial all he ever asks is so how much does this leave me with to spend, but it's working as it is actually teaching him to budget and seek out bargains, especially after we tried this the first month, he had £20 to last him 3 weeks.

The credit cards are kept in a cash box that I have the key to, used only in emergencies, which I might add we haven't had one as we have an emergency fund that I put £100 a month into (I know I could put that towards paying debt off quicker, but putting emergencies on C/C just seems a vicious circle to me) our definition of emergency has also changed, we now buy to replace/repare and don't upgrade.

Might seem extreme to some, but me and my hubby are perfectly happy with this arrangement.