A nervous hello and a few DMP questions...

panicsetin

Hello everyone....

I have been on this site (mainly looking) for around 18 months. I have known for at least this long that I need (drastically) to do something about my finances as I am drowning in debt and each month robbing Peter to pay Paul. The situation complicates in that my partner does not know and I really really cannot tell him. We are not financially linked despite living together - we have no joint mortgage or accounts so as far as i am aware this means we are not linked (I do have a card on his account but only as a named cardholder). If someone could reassure me of this that would be great.....

I have decided that I cannot go on any longer as I am and need to sort out a DMP. I am very worried about the possible deluge of calls, texts and letters that I may receive though.... Perhaps I could ask you all the following questions;

1. If I amend my contact numbers on the accounts prior to writing advising of the DMP will they only retain the new ones provided. e.g. If i remove my home number and just leave my mobile will this stop calls to my home number?

2. When I write to them sending token payments can I send them a cheque? This is from a new, basic bank account that is not linked to any of my creditors.

3. For work reasons I need to retain one card which will not be included in my DMP. It is a reasonably low limit so I do not see it as a potential problem. However for this reason I feel that I should maintain my own DMP rather than use payplan or CCCS - has anyone any experience of running their own DMP and if so do creditors listen to you sensibly as they would via payplan or CCCS?

4. I would also like to deal with one financial institution at a time, come to an agreement with them prior to advising my next creditor. This is in an attempt to minimise harassing calls - any thoughts?

5. I am also terrified of having people turn up on he doorstep - does this happen often?

Sorry for all the questions, I am sure that I will have many more during my journey. I would also say thank you to all of you that, without knowing, have already helped over the last 18 months; even if it was just showing me that I am not alone.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me......

boredofbeingathome

panicsetin wrote: »

Hello everyone....

I have been on this site (mainly looking) for around 18 months. I have known for at least this long that I need (drastically) to do something about my finances as I am drowning in debt and each month robbing Peter to pay Paul. The situation complicates in that my partner does not know and I really really cannot tell him. We are not financially linked despite living together - we have no joint mortgage or accounts so as far as i am aware this means we are not linked (I do have a card on his account but only as a named cardholder). If someone could reassure me of this that would be great.....
You should tell him, if only for future things, perhaps look at it that you are dealing with it and it will be sorted.

I have decided that I cannot go on any longer as I am and need to sort out a DMP. I am very worried about the possible deluge of calls, texts and letters that I may receive though.... Perhaps I could ask you all the following questions;

1. If I amend my contact numbers on the accounts prior to writing advising of the DMP will they only retain the new ones provided. e.g. If i remove my home number and just leave my mobile will this stop calls to my home number?
They will try, and there are template letters on here to advise that they should only contact in writing. It does also save any mistaken intentions if stated in writing. The other side is if they threaten you or break any rules regarding debt collection then you have it in writing.
2. When I write to them sending token payments can I send them a cheque? This is from a new, basic bank account that is not linked to any of my creditors.
Yes, or a postal order
3. For work reasons I need to retain one card which will not be included in my DMP. It is a reasonably low limit so I do not see it as a potential problem. However for this reason I feel that I should maintain my own DMP rather than use payplan or CCCS - has anyone any experience of running their own DMP and if so do creditors listen to you sensibly as they would via payplan or CCCS?
I am sure that this is not allowed on a DMP and could be classed as breaking the DMP, why not go for a pre loaded card instead? which wouldn't be a credit card..others may have better suggestions
4. I would also like to deal with one financial institution at a time, come to an agreement with them prior to advising my next creditor. This is in an attempt to minimise harassing calls - any thoughts?Better to deal with them all at once, saves a lot of hassle, get it out of the way.

5. I am also terrified of having people turn up on he doorstep - does this happen often?The only people who would do this are court appointed baillifs any one else has no authority and are essentially trespassing.

Sorry for all the questions, I am sure that I will have many more during my journey. I would also say thank you to all of you that, without knowing, have already helped over the last 18 months; even if it was just showing me that I am not alone.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me......

Hi just a few thoughts, i may be wrong on some points and i am sure others will correct it if i am.

Good luck.

panicsetin

Hi boredofbeingathome

Thank you for your thoughts....

I know that telling my partner would be the best thing but he really would not understand. He is lucky in that he doesn't have to worry about money and therefore really would not understand how I've managed to get myself in such a mess. He never seems to realise that actually, to me, spending £20 or £50 is actually a lot of money. I am also extremely scared of losing him....

PSI x (short for Panicsetin!)

bigmommamuppet

Hi PSI

I know how you feel about telling your partner, but honestly it was the best thing I ever did apart from starting my DMP. No longer do I have to hide the mail on a daily basis and I'm not scared of leaving him to answer the phone. I used to unplug it when I went out.

It was very hard telling him and as you see from my sig there was/ is a lot of debt. It was very rocky for a couple of days but he soon realised that I was sorting it out in the best way I could and hasn't said anything about it for a couple of weeks.

The other danger of not telling your partner is that he'll expect you to keep spending the way you were and you won't be able to explain why your now on a limited budget.

panicsetin

Hi bigmommamuppet,

Thank you but although I know you're both right about telling him I really don't feel that I can. I know how he will react and being in this situation is so hard as it is - without losing him too. Perhaps once I have sorted the DMP out and feel a bit more comfortable about it telling him will be easier - at least then I can say that I am handling things proactively....

I do think though that his financial situation makes it harder to tell him as I know he wouldn't have a clue how someone would get in this situation. I honestly believe if we were on more of a level footing financially it would be easier to tell him. Perhaps if we were I wouldn't be in quite so much debt myself as I think a fair amount of it comes from trying to keep up and wanting to pay my own way when realistically I can't afford to. That is something that I have already started to change and know I must do or I will never get out of this hole.....

PSI x

boredofbeingathome

panicsetin wrote: »

Hi boredofbeingathome

Thank you for your thoughts....

I know that telling my partner would be the best thing but he really would not understand. He is lucky in that he doesn't have to worry about money and therefore really would not understand how I've managed to get myself in such a mess. He never seems to realise that actually, to me, spending £20 or £50 is actually a lot of money. I am also extremely scared of losing him....

PSI x (short for Panicsetin!)

You know him better than we do, but i think honesty is the best policy. It can't be any harder than having that gut churning feeling about spending what you haven't got. Just playing Devil's advocate, here ..if you don't discuss money with him then how would you know he doesn't have any problems?
Sometimes it is about images that we have of each other. Would you love him any less if he had problems?
Wages, lifestyle and just general economic things do get in the way..he might have a money crisis in the future..it happens to the best of us and the only way to deal with it is to have knowledge of where to go and what to do.
BOBx ( short for boredofbeingathome:rotfl: )

boredofbeingathome

I do think though that his financial situation makes it harder to tell him as I know he wouldn't have a clue how someone would get in this situation.

Tell him how.

I honestly believe if we were on more of a level footing financially it would be easier to tell him.

He is probably aware of that and what has finances to do with being able to talk? He picked you for a relationship not your lack of dosh.

Perhaps if we were I wouldn't be in quite so much debt myself as I think a fair amount of it comes from trying to keep up and wanting to pay my own way when realistically I can't afford to.

Nothing wrong with saying no i can't afford it, or wait until i have saved up some money.

That is something that I have already started to change and know I must do or I will never get out of this hole.....

Yep. It may help to do a thorough State of affairs( SOA) link in the stickies at the top of the board. Also have a look at painless cutting back in Martin's give yourself a pay rise article

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/protect/money-help

Once you have done this you may find you have more leeway than you thought.

fermi

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

BOBx ( short for boredofbeingathome:rotfl: )

I thought it was the avatar? But now I see.........;)

boredofbeingathome

fermi wrote: »

I thought it was the avatar? But now I see.........;)

It is a double play on it Fermi..BOB/Kate and short for boredofbeingathome:rotfl: It was also an old family nickname:rolleyes: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I am deep:D

panicsetin

Hi BOB,

Sometime's when I have tried to say I can't afford to do something he has said he's fed up with hearing me say that I can't afford stuff.....

I know all about his financial situation and he is definitely not having any problems at all financially - quite the opposite.

I do totally understand the theory of telling him and being honest - and I wish that I could - but at the moment I really can't. I am so scared as it is about the action that I am about to take; without adding the worry of losing him. Maybe a few months down the line when I have arrangements in place and everything is a little easier then I will consider telling him. At least then I will be able to say that I have taken action to sort the problem out....

PSI x

alibat_2

Hi PSI

you sound just like me. I daren't tell my OH either and he has savings, no debt. Trying to carry on as if there's nothing wrong has made it worse in retrospect, but I still can't bring myself to tell him. I've made up a repayment plan (not a DMP) and hopefully when he sees I'm making progress things might be better. Having said that, he works for a bank and as his wife, I am not allowed DMPs, IVFs or bankrupcy, or he'll lose his job.

Take care xxx