Brother's Debts

emmalt

Hi,

My brother is living with us at the moment whilst he gets on his feet. It is a long story but basically he is 37 going on 17. Today he got a letter from the bank because a DD had bounced. He claims that it was an admin error and that he would get it sorted.

I firmly told him that he needs to remember that whatever he does in OUR house could affect our credit rating and he needs to make sure that ALL his financial commitments are met.

Later in the day I discovered that a debt he has with a council has been passed to a debt collection agency. The letter I saw was addressed to him at OUR address. This means we will have debt collectors knocking on OUR door. The debt is just short of £400.

I am so angry because our credit rating is good. We have no debts bar the mortgage. I don’t want to be fending of credit collection agency on his behalf. Even if I leave it to him I will be the one stressing about it whilst he buries his head to the sand.

My husband and I are just about to embark on IVF so stress is the last thing I need. Am I right in assuming that this could have an affect on our credit rating? Also what can the debt collectors do? I know that they can’t touch our stuff but can they get into our house, etc?

bank_of_slate

emmalt wrote: »

Hi,

My brother is living with us at the moment whilst he gets on his feet. It is a long story but basically he is 37 going on 17. Today he got a letter from the bank because a DD had bounced. He claims that it was an admin error and that he would get it sorted.

I firmly told him that he needs to remember that whatever he does in OUR house could affect our credit rating and he needs to make sure that ALL his financial commitments are met.

Later in the day I discovered that a debt he has with a council has been passed to a debt collection agency. The letter I saw was addressed to him at OUR address. This means we will have debt collectors knocking on OUR door. The debt is just short of £400.

I am so angry because our credit rating is good. We have no debts bar the mortgage. I don’t want to be fending of credit collection agency on his behalf. Even if I leave it to him I will be the one stressing about it whilst he buries his head to the sand.

My husband and I are just about to embark on IVF so stress is the last thing I need. Am I right in assuming that this could have an affect on our credit rating? Also what can the debt collectors do? I know that they can’t touch our stuff but can they get into our house, etc?

Is he really and truly trying to get back on his feet though or are you just a soft option for him?
...Linda xx

vikki400

I'm sure someone will correct me if I am wrong, but the credit referrencing takes into accout his name as well so unless you have the same full name, you should be ok! Initials can sometimes be an issue i.e. if you were called Sarah and he is called Sam, but you can get yourself dissassociated from anything that is registered.

I understand your frustration: I went through the same thing with my brother (26) when he was living at home with my mum. Her credit is impecable and she was getting letters and calls for him, which stopped her sleeping (you know how mum's can be). Do you think you could talk to him and give him the benefit of your knowledge. I know it is not easy.

Good luck

emmalt

bank_of_slate wrote: »

Is he really and truly trying to get back on his feet though or are you just a soft option for him?
...Linda xx

You've hit the nail right on the head! That is just what I am thinking.

My husband is away working at the moment so I called him to let him know what had happened and we have agreed that we will sit him doen and tackle him together.

Normally he just decends on my mother but she couldn't take it either finacially or emotionally anymore. He stayed at my Dad's but his girlfriends mother was ill with cancer (she has died since) so they didn't need the extra stress.

He started off so well, got a temporary job within three days of arriving and now a permanent job. Now he has just got so comfortable I can see him still living with us when our, now non existing, kids leave home!

fairydiamond

Can't really offer much advice, just wanted to wish you luck with the IVF. That might be the only option for me and my partner. I know how stressful it all is.

All the best.

emmalt

vikki400 wrote: »

I'm sure someone will correct me if I am wrong, but the credit referrencing takes into accout his name as well so unless you have the same full name, you should be ok! Initials can sometimes be an issue i.e. if you were called Sarah and he is called Sam, but you can get yourself dissassociated from anything that is registered.

I understand your frustration: I went through the same thing with my brother (26) when he was living at home with my mum. Her credit is impecable and she was getting letters and calls for him, which stopped her sleeping (you know how mum's can be). Do you think you could talk to him and give him the benefit of your knowledge. I know it is not easy.

Good luck

Thanks for the info.

Thankfully I changed my name when I got married and we have different initials.

As for giving him the benefit of my knowledge, he won't listen. He is always right and never listens to anyone else.

emmalt

fairydiamond wrote: »

Can't really offer much advice, just wanted to wish you luck with the IVF. That might be the only option for me and my partner. I know how stressful it all is.

All the best.

Thank you.

I am so serious about wanting this to work I resigned from my job because I was being sent abroad every week which was extremely stressful. They have sinced offered me a position which is UK based which really helps.

vikki400

I can tell you that sounds very familiar! Hope everything works out ok for you.

elaina79

So apart from now having a job, what other things has he done to get back on his feet? His next step should be finding himself somewhere to live.

Fire_Fox

emmalt wrote: »

Thanks for the info.

Thankfully I changed my name when I got married and we have different initials.

As for giving him the benefit of my knowledge, he won't listen. He is always right and never listens to anyone else.

Give him a couple of options. Either he works through a full Statement of Affairs, shows you all the evidence that he has is sorting his financial situation out (letters to/ from creditors/ bank statements/ credit agency reports) OR he moves somewhere he doesn't have to listen or answer to anyone else. This is your home, your life and your rules.

Don't gang up on him or try to reason with him, use the broken record technique - think of a sentence and repeat it whatever he comes out with. Eg. "we are sitting down on Thursday evening when OH is home, to discuss the way your finances are affecting this household. I expect you to arrive prepared."

If he no-shows at the meeting, give him notice to quit in writing like your would with any tenant. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom to have their Light Bulb Moment.

emmalt

elaina79 wrote: »

So apart from now having a job, what other things has he done to get back on his feet? His next step should be finding himself somewhere to live.

Hi Elaina,

The deal I made with him was that he was to get a job, any sodding job, which he has. He works in Tesco at just above the minimum wage. Then he was to get a car so his options were open with regards to a better job (we live out in the sticks with limited public transport). He had a piece of luck there and got a car for free!

Now he is suposed to be looking for a better job so he can afford to get somewhere to live. I am starting to wonder how much effort he is actually putting into getting a better job.

He is a 'yes but' person!

Me: "Look, here is a job perfect for you"

Him: "Yes, but........" :mad: