Uncle in credit card debt and scared

alison18671

Hello
Basically, my uncle, who is aged 62 and does still work on a low wage has somehow managed to run up approx £15,000 debt spread out over three credit cards, he also owes £2000 on an overdraft, and is currently paying back hp on a reasonably new motor home.

I/my family cannot understand how he has got into such a financial mess and not ever mentioned it until last night...now my uncle is scared, as he has zero money to pay anyone and can't even afford to food shop.

He part owns his ex council house along with his mother,my grandma, whom is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's, and couldn't help him if she as able.

We as a family are aware that my uncle has , being politically correct here, a lower mental age than 62, and we/people are aware that he could very easily be talked into signing up for certain things etc without giving any sensible thought to repercussions.

Now, we don't know what to do, as he's in a financial mess as the age of 62.

His job isn't a high paid wage, he panics once he's realised he's in a mess, and we as a family are concerned he could lose his home.

Any advice please?

thanks
Alison

RAS

Hi

You need to get him help here

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan#help

NDL or CCCS.

If uncle is not very clever, does he have any sort of social services support, or should he have it?

alison18671

Hello

no he has no support, except family.
if he loses his home or for him his motorhome too, i just dont know how he would cope.....its more complicated when its kind of like dealing with a young teenager age you know - he didnt know any better if you get me.
We, as a family will help and sort him out one way or another, but we jus not sure which way to do it....no one can afford to clear his debts for him, but we do want to help.

Alison

churchrat

hi
this is a difficult problem. I support a cousin, with learning difficulties, who also "owns" his ex-council house with a mortgage which his mother decided to buy so that he would always have somewhere to live, unfortunatley she forgot about life insurance, so he is left to pay it all now that she has died. In my (limited) experience, there are a number of things you could try, and some more info please (if thats ok?)

1--when you say he has a lower mental age than 62, what do you mean?? Is this something you know as a family or has he been assessed?

2--how does he feel about accepting help? Will he talk to you openly and truthfully?

3-- Are you aware of all his money dealings?

4--how does he cope with day to day expenses?? counciltax, gas bills etc?

5--what work does he do? is there a union?

6--how much support can you realisticly offer, and for how long??

sorry that theres more q's than a's, but I do have some understanding of how you feel, and understand that the help that should be available can be very hard to find.
keep posting

Merlinexcalibur

I agree with the things Churchrat has raised.

We as a family are aware that my uncle has , being politically correct here, a lower mental age than 62, and we/people are aware that he could very easily be talked into signing up for certain things etc without giving any sensible thought to repercussions.

I have to ask this, so please don't take this as being incorrect or anything because it would be asked eg at an assessment, but is this a 'perceived' idea of your uncle's mental age or one that has been medically diagnosed? With learning difficulties, I mean here.

The next thing, like Churchrat has touched upon, is you DO need to get help. Either from support services - yes, I know they are far and few between because I have faced it myself with my own health troubles, made me far worse TBH than ever before as a result; the worst part is used to work for the NHS, AND in that direction and things haven't improved in 20 years, they have got worse - such as mental handicap team, who may be able to offer assistance in dealing with his creditors or put you onto someone who can. I fully appreciate that any creditor will, I am afraid, exert more pressure on vulnerable people. That isn't being 'unpolitically correct' BTW but in my experience they will exert the thumb screws because it's easier then for them to pressure. Yes, it's all very wrong but still happens.

Just need to confirm this with you here:

and is currently paying back hp on a reasonably new motor home.

He can drive, then? Or was that just something purchased 'rashly?'

churchrat

just wanted to add that where you live can make a difference, ie London and Plymouth can be very different places, without even thinking about Scoland, Wales or N Ireland.

Merlinexcalibur

Oh, yes. Where I live right now ... you could honestly say what is available ie 'support' is way below sub standard. Hey, ho. A lottery.

alison18671

Well, no he hasn't been assessed, but 'we' / anyone who is noticeable, would see that he's 'abit' 'younger in age' if you get me.

He would accept help yes, but we or at least my mum and dad ( uncle is my dads brother) would have to do the dealings with any creditors.

We wasn't aware of his money dealings up until last night, so i would say no to knowing all his money situation, but now hes panicking, he will opening offer bank statements and credit card statements, as he needs help.

We are unsure of his bill paying, but he does use direct debit etc - i have applied today for him possible council tax benefit - no harm in applying etc.

He works for a bank - believe it of not - as a 'finder'

My dad would emotionally support him forever you know, my uncle is the elder in numbers, but my dad has to look after him abit.

sounds like we dont know what he does etc, i guess we didnt, but he hid it all, cracked on he was always skint but managing etc, and as he didnt say, we didnt know.

unsure about a union.

My uncle wouldn't accept social services him im sure, unless my mum and dad could convince him it was the right thing to do etc..he might not be the quickest in some ways, but as i said, a young teenager can get awkward.

Alison

alison18671

alison18671 wrote: »

Well, no he hasn't been assessed, but 'we' / anyone who is noticeable, would see that he's 'abit' 'younger in age' if you get me.

He would accept help yes, but we or at least my mum and dad ( uncle is my dads brother) would have to do the dealings with any creditors.

We wasn't aware of his money dealings up until last night, so i would say no to knowing all his money situation, but now hes panicking, he will opening offer bank statements and credit card statements, as he needs help.

We are unsure of his bill paying, but he does use direct debit etc - i have applied today for him possible council tax benefit - no harm in applying etc.

He works for a bank - believe it of not - as a 'finder'

My dad would emotionally support him forever you know, my uncle is the elder in numbers, but my dad has to look after him abit.

sounds like we dont know what he does etc, i guess we didnt, but he hid it all, cracked on he was always skint but managing etc, and as he didnt say, we didnt know.

unsure about a union.

My uncle wouldn't accept social services him im sure, unless my mum and dad could convince him it was the right thing to do etc..he might not be the quickest in some ways, but as i said, a young teenager can get awkward.

Alison

He lives in cheshire.

Merlinexcalibur

Well, no he hasn't been assessed, but 'we' / anyone who is noticeable, would see that he's 'abit' 'younger in age' if you get me.

Yes, I know what you mean. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I mean it with the best intentions but doesn't strictly mean he's of 'lower capacity mentally?' And that there may be other things going on which DO need to get addressed. But that has to be with his own volition to seek that help. However, unless there have been definite instances of mental health problems in the past, eg with a GP/assessment team it may not be what is going on. And here you need to be very careful because it could negatively, severely impact on his health right now on top of these problems. In other words trigger something. Hope that made sense. As to panicking, mostly everyone does when seeing these letters. I do, even now, after learning a few things or two about how they are worded but it's the suddeness of opening the letter, reading the red letters, the highlighted print. 'It's all psychological' to quote a Pet Shop Boys song.

When said and done, it's all about perceived things. Whilst others who do not know him may not see those things, if you get me? But unless you are certain, without question about his health in this direction, I would be immensely careful about opening that doorway. Again, hope that made sense. Because if he's never been diagnosed with anything then it goes back to the perceptions thing I mentioned. Please don't think I am disbelieving you but I am just putting those things to you because any person working in mental health would ask you those things.

I think the most important thing right now is to get the debt house in order. Either using CCCS as someone suggested, THEN worry about the other things. Because taking away the worry of these debts is vital right now, as it clearly impacts on his health, stability. It does for everyone, and is perfectly natural. Unless we are all made of solid rock. So, if you can get assistance via CCCS, you can call them today for free to let them know what has been happening. But, the other issue is your uncle would need to give his consent or he'd have to contact them.

But, right now, that is I think the first priority. Worry about the rest afterwards. Because this stress, this burden needs to be alleviated with assistance from a third party. A year ago, I contacted CCCS, and I suffer with certain things shall we say that impact everyday so can speak from experience of many many years, but once I knew they were there for me, it did make one hell of a difference knowing someone else knew about these debts, and it lifted a lot of worry away from me. Not all, but some.

churchrat

hi
thanks for all that.
I don't know what a finder is, but I am assuming he has to be able to read/write etc quite well?

It is possible to sort this problem out, but there a few things you should do.

If you are convinced that he has a learning difficulty, as opposed to a mental health problem you can have him assessed by the local adult socail services.
This will do the following--open up other support areas ie mencap, local support
give you a "barganing" tool when dealing with creditors
give him access to certain benefits, such as DLA.
Unfortunatly, it does NOT mean that you/he will get any practicle help from anybody.

It can take a while to arrange this, you could try going to his GP (you should go with him) to hurry things along. Soc services are usually over stretched but you are entitled to this assessment. It can be hard to get any sort of help with a formal assessment of learning disabilty. Its all about the label.

You could also gather "evidence" to use when talking to the credit companies. Find all the paper work and ask your uncle how he came to have the loans etc. You could also write to any companies involved, with him giving his written permission for other named individuals to correspond on his behalf. Make it clear that all crrespondence will be in writing.

How long has he lived alone? Is he worse since his mother moved away? Is he coping with this?

I know that this is a lot to deal with, and getting him to accept soc serv might be difficult. I managed to get T (my cousin) to go along for assessment by explaining that he might get some more money. He is 52 and operates on about the 13yr old level. In some ways he is very "grown up" and loooks after himself and the house quite well. He is always clean, does his washing etc. This means that he is a "hidden" problem and it took a lot of kicking and screaming on my part before soc serv decided to add him to thier books. We still don't get any help, but everybody else is now much easier to deal with.

I don't know anything about your part of the world, but it always looks lovly when we visit!!

churchrat