How can I pay?

pob81

How can i pay child maintence?
I split from the mother of my child over 3 years ago when our son was 5. I have always payed child maintence weekly to her cash in hand, more than the csa guidlines suggest.
3 weeks ago she said she no longer wanted my money.
2 weeks ago she said she was going through her solicitor to get me to pay.
i have never refused to pay but i have no way of continuing payments as she now wont let me speak to my son, wont speak to me, wont let me give her money direct, wont let my son stay.
after seeing and speaking to my son constantly siince our split she has now done this due to ,i think ,being bitter and that i have now moved on with someone else. she is now intent on making life difficult for me at the expense of our son.
any advice much appreciated.
i do not have parental resopnsibility as he was born before 2003, i am on the birth certificate

Cassa

You could pay by cheque? Perhaps it would be better seeing a solicitor over contact visits.

pob81

thanks
thing is i dont have a cheque book. i have requested her bank details so i can pay her standing order every week, but she does not want to.
i was thinking of contacting the csa to take my payment and give to her but i have just been hearing nightmares about them and that it can take around 3-4 months before they start to take the money.
i want to pay for my sons expenses straight away..........
any advice on getting a contact/parental responsibility order? how long these things take? what they cost?

much appreciated.........

Cassa

Have a look on CSA website to calculate what your child support payments will be - then put this money away until you get things sorted with ex, so child won't lose out in the long run.

I would advise seeing a solicitor over contact issues.

Has she just started being awkward because of the change in your personal circumstances? If so she may be okay after she gets over the shock/jealousy issues.

pob81

thanks
thats definitly a good idea
thing is i have been with my new partner nearly 3 years (it was about 8 months after i split from my ex) and she has never said she has a problem with it, but i think she was hoping it was not going to last and now she knows we are due to move in together
also she tended to use me as a babysitting service and i put a stop to it as she wanted me to look after son when ever she wanted to go out (which was at least 2 times a week...) and then the weekends i didnt have him she would take him to her sisters/brothers. so i put a stop to the extra nights so my son could have some sort of routine, but she is more concerned about her social life
these are the factors why i think she is making it hard, but to stop me seeing and speaking to him? i didnt think she would do this.
any ideas where i can get a solicitor? i earn under 12k a year so am not the most well off of people

Cassa

How about trying your local citizens advice. Also some towns have a law society were free legal advice is offered.

Maybe worth offering her your babysitting services, after all any contact is better then no contact?

Good luck.

NOVASTAR

pob81 - not much advice but just a bit of support as this happened to my OH a short while after we got together - his ex decided to withdraw contact with his 5 year old - luckily it only lasted 6 months and we now have the little 'un every other weekend - I fail to understand how people can use children in this way - it's really not fair on either party. I'm sure the mother will realise that she can't have it all her way and come to her senses quickly. Good Luck anway!
In the meantime i'd do what Cassa suggested and go onto the CSA website and use their calculator - that way you can put away that amount each week so that you have it at a later date and no nasty surprises of owing anyone lots of money down the line.

pd001

pob81 wrote: »

How can i pay child maintence?
I split from the mother of my child over 3 years ago when our son was 5. I have always payed child maintence weekly to her cash in hand, more than the csa guidlines suggest.
3 weeks ago she said she no longer wanted my money.
2 weeks ago she said she was going through her solicitor to get me to pay.
i have never refused to pay but i have no way of continuing payments as she now wont let me speak to my son, wont speak to me, wont let me give her money direct, wont let my son stay.
after seeing and speaking to my son constantly siince our split she has now done this due to ,i think ,being bitter and that i have now moved on with someone else. she is now intent on making life difficult for me at the expense of our son.
any advice much appreciated.
i do not have parental resopnsibility as he was born before 2003, i am on the birth certificate

For future reference please read the following and more importantly act upon it.

Document all payments properly!
By that I mean you should make sure that there cannot be any misunderstanding what the payments are actually for in the future.

You should do more than just cross a cheque.....you should also
send a letter with each payment that you make, to the effect that the payment is specifically made to support your child (ren).


edit...You should name the child (ren) that the payment is for.
edit...The letter has to state that the money is for child maintenance and it must also stipulate for what period

Postal orders will suffice provided that you keep the stub, DO NOT LOSE THEM!
Ensure that it has the correct name in the payee section. Ensure that you cross the order or make sure that it is crossed when you buy it. If you dont cross it then it can be cashed and is much more difficult to trace in the future. Dont forget to send a letter with the postal order as I have specified above.....and again...very important indeed...
DO NOT make cash payments!

If you make payments through a bank, then I would advise that each time a payment is taken from your account, then you also send the letter as detailed above, to the PWC.

Keep copies of these letters, DO NOT LOSE THEM!
Make sure that each letter is dated with the same date that is on the cheque.
DO NOT make cash payments!


Thanks to kelloggs36 who posts on here for some of the above information

hamstercheeks_2

pob81 wrote: »

How can i pay child maintence?
I split from the mother of my child over 3 years ago when our son was 5. I have always payed child maintence weekly to her cash in hand, more than the csa guidlines suggest.
3 weeks ago she said she no longer wanted my money.
2 weeks ago she said she was going through her solicitor to get me to pay.
i have never refused to pay but i have no way of continuing payments as she now wont let me speak to my son, wont speak to me, wont let me give her money direct, wont let my son stay.
after seeing and speaking to my son constantly siince our split she has now done this due to ,i think ,being bitter and that i have now moved on with someone else. she is now intent on making life difficult for me at the expense of our son.
any advice much appreciated.
i do not have parental resopnsibility as he was born before 2003, i am on the birth certificate

Pob my partner is going thru this at the moment, he had reasonable amount of contact up until last August - hasn't seen them since no reason given.

He has paid maintenance every month on time,

if the PWC doesn't want you having contact then you'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting it resumed

Sharree

NOOOO... DONT PAY CASH!!!! Pd001 gives very good advice, he gave me good advice too. I hate women who use their children for their own ends. My hubbie used to go and pick his daughter up every week and on many occasions his ex would let him walk down the drive with her and she would come out and say she had changed her mind and drag the little girl back in the house kicking and screaming for her daddy. This is the same woman who says we have never paid her a penny. My advice is harsh and a lot of people will not agree with what im about to say, but it can work. Just say Ok... what ever you say I wont see the child, but just make sure he knows you love him/her through letters to grandparents / trusted family who can save these letters to show him / her when they are old enough to understand. Put money into a bank account to give to them when they are older, (im sure they will love a big wad of money to spend as they wish when they are older) and just back away. If she is using the child as a weapon, she will soon wonder what is happening when she isnt getting a rise out of you and she see`s she is not upsetting you.(put on a brave face) This is the ultimate goal of a power crazed woman who thinks she is invincible. Im a woman...I know how they work...lol.. she will soon get fed up of her game, or hen she gets a new partner and wants to spend quality time with them, you will then become usefull again.

marksoton

Regarding contact, try looking on the families need fathers website. If going to court is the only option open to you then there are ways of doing it without expensive solicitors.