Son's girlfriend

home_but_not_alone

Wondered what others thought of this dilema.

Son (21) has been seeing his girlfriend for some time, she stays over occasionally and he stays at her house too. Now he has asked if she can stay in his room while he goes to work, or come over to wait for him before he finishes work (and I mean hours before not just 30 mins etc)

We get on fine with the girl, but don't really feel comfortable with her hanging around for hours. I know she's just in his room, but that feels wrong, as if we should invite her through, but then we would be spending hours with someone who however nice is obviously a different generation and has different interests to us.

Moneysaving aspect - suspect this request stems from the time/cost of her travelling back and forth, particularly at times when there is no public transport due to the hour. There's obviously the aspect of our costs as well of food/drink/electricity, but these are not the main issue (from our point of view).

sarymclary

Hi Home-b-n-a,
Welcome to the boards!

My first reaction to this is that I wouldn't be happy for it to be a regular thing. Every now and again, maybe. Why is this girl available for so many hours a day? Why isn't she working too? It's fine to have friends stay over the odd weekend, etc., but during the working week, I dont' think it's appropriate.

I know my mum & dad's response would have been to say 'this isn't a doss house!' They'd have been absolutely right.

If they are having financial difficulties getting her to/from, then they need to resolve that situation themselves, by maybe getting her to only come over every couple of days. Your son is an adult, and I am guessing this girl is a bit younger, maybe still a student? This is their problem, not your's, and whilst I can see you don't want to make things difficult for them, they do need to realise that their own selfish needs don't come first.

That may sound harsh, but as a mother of 4, I know that if you give an inch, they'll take a mile! Before you know it, he'll be wanting her to stay the week with you for convenience, or ask for her to move in for a while, who knows? As your son works, why doesn't he make more of an effort to be mobile, and be the one to go back/forth to her house, saving her travelling late, or missing buses? My stepson is 16, but knows he has to get himself to/from work under his own steam. We live in a rural area, and he's got himself a moped, taken his test, got himself insured, and gets himself to work on a building site 12 miles away at 7am each morning. They're never too young to learn lessons in life.

FairyElephant_2

Hiya,

I quite agree with Sarymclary, I wouldn't be happy for this in my house either.

DSS#1 (18 yrs) occasionally has his GF over, and sometimes she arrives before he does due to bus times (and the fact that he often runs late!!!). I tend to find I run out of conversation after about 30 mins, so would not be happy at any longer than this, and also would not be comfortable if the girl was waiting in his room on her own.

Stick to your guns and say no!

HTH,

FE

Pssst

No..agree with sarymaclary

richardw

Son is 21, perhaps he will flee the nest soon, problem solved.

lynnexxxo

I have to say I disagree with sarymclary. The son is 21 and working so I'm assuming he pays board. If so then surely its his decision, if hes happy with his girlfriend hanging around in his room them why not? She'll probably be surfing the net or listening to her ipod or whatever so I'm sure she'll be no hassle. Remember that while at the moment she might only be your sons girlfriend in five years she might be his wife and the mother of your grandkids and she will remember how well you treated her.

Also, given she would rather sit in her boyfriends room with his parents than her own house, things might be bad at home.

picnic

how serious is your son about his GF??? could this grow in to a more perminate relationship? do you not think it is worth getting to know her better???? maybe having time to chat and get to know her wouldnt be such a bad thing? would it????

Poppy9

I would say depends how long they have been together and how comfortable you feel with her. If you don't feel happy about it then and your OH agrees with you then stick to your guns.

peace-babies

How long have they been going out?
How old is his girlfriend??
I'm nearly 22 and have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, he has on occasions left me at home on a weekend morning if he has had to go somewhere thats not particulary interesting for me or can be done quicker without me there or I refuse to get out of bed!! The first time he did this it was a little odd but as his mum and dad made the effort (and me to them) for the hour he was gone, it wasn't very awkward we just found common interests (something in the news, the telly, their son) and now I can quite happily sit downstairs with them/ go shopping with his mum if he is poncing about in the shower (he is the only person I know to spend 40 minutes in a shower!!) or messing on his car.
But this all depends on their relationship, how you feel about his girlfriend and, whether or not you would feel comfortable with her being in the house on her own should you have to pop out for a bit.

sloppychops

richardw wrote: »

Son is 21, perhaps he will flee the nest soon, problem solved.

Dont bet on it,mine is 23 and firmly routed to our house.My hubby keeps giving him hints about finding his own place even suggesting he would help him pack:rotfl: but son knows where he is better off and has no intentions of moving anytime soon.

Bogof_Babe

It sounds a harmless enough request to me, provided you are not expected to feed her or have her under your feet, and she respects the fact that she is in someone else's house i.e. doesn't play loud music or eat smelly takeaways in his room.

You'd have to have ground rules about not letting herself in though. Make sure your son doesn't provide her with a key!