Advice - digging myself in deeper

qpcpc

I'm a long time reader and only just joined up to post here.

I'm depressed and coming to desperation over the state i'm in. Firstly i've recently acknowledged that i have problems with severe depression and non existant self esteem for which i have been seeing my doctor and have now started seeing a counsellor.

I've got stress and anxiety over the work/financial state i'm in - this was never the root cause of my problems but since i've been self-destructive and buried my head in the sand over things it now is a real pressure on me; i'm now in a vicious circle of struggling to earn money running my own business, and the inability to pay relatively small debts is making the existing depression worse, which is affecting my ability to work - and this is going round and round.

My debts total around £5000 spread amongst two closed barclays accounts, a virgin credit card, barclaycard, and a staples account card. I'm also personally in debt to family who i owe £10,000 which has no real pressure to be repaid but the emotional guilt i have over it is a huge factor for me. To top that off i bought a house with my brother two and a half years ago for which i had a family invest in as a deposit of £20,000.

Currently i am self employed and looking for work as my problem really stop me from making a go of the business which has ambled along for 5 years, but i am having real problem with self-doubt which is crippling me.

The last 8 months have brought my otherwise manageable debt outgoings to the point where i have not made payments and am currently being chased for the majority of the £5000.

I keep saying to myself that i have to pull myself together and do what the rest of the working population manages to but i have been to the brink of suicide and the guilt and pressure is too much for me.

My main concern today is that i have a joint mortgage for £150,000 with my brother who has some knowledge of my debts and i just don't know what i'd do if i was taken to court or had bailiffs turnup. I'm so scared that i can't think straight and i just keep ignoring the problem instead of doing something about it along with seeking help.

I feel such a failure and currently struggle to pay the five or so hundred pounds a month to cover my share of living costs. Please help me i need advice on what to do

thevinternet

Hello there and welcome. You've come to the right place, as lots of people here have been in the same situation as you. So you're not alone, even though it may feel that way.

First of all, you sound like you have a good support network around you in the way of friends and family. That's good - don't feel guilty about accepting their help, they obviously love you very much and would rather see you happy than miserable and suicidal. I'm sure you'd help too if things were the other way around.

You're seeing a doctor which is great. Has he put you on anti-depressants as well as seeing the counsellor? Both these strategies take a few weeks to work, so hang on in there for now.

One thing that will make you feel better is to face up to the problem. Can you get all your paperwork together and post an Statement of Affairs for us? I can never find the link, but I'll look for it in a minute for you. The SOA is useful in two ways, firstly it gives you a solid idea of your debts and helps you to start dealing with them, and secondly it allows the good people of this board to help you save money and start tackling the problem.

xx

thevinternet

Ah yes, here's the link for the SOA:

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

You may want to get a cup of tea before filling it in, as it takes a while.

One small thing I should add is that if your debts are unsecured, ie not secured against the value of the house, then I believe it is very very difficult for them to be able to take your home. Perhaps someone else will be able to clarify here? Also, bailiffs are not the end of the world, as long as you don't let them in, don't open the door to them and lock your windows and back doors there's very little they can do - they aren't allowed to 'break and enter'. Talk through the letterbox if you have to, or better still, ignore them altogether. Again, there are experts about this topic too on the forum should you be threatened with bailiffs.

Pollycat

qpcpc wrote: »

I'm a long time reader and only just joined up to post here.

I'm depressed and coming to desperation over the state i'm in. Firstly i've recently acknowledged that i have problems with severe depression and non existant self esteem for which i have been seeing my doctor and have now started seeing a counsellor.

I've got stress and anxiety over the work/financial state i'm in - this was never the root cause of my problems but since i've been self-destructive and buried my head in the sand over things it now is a real pressure on me; i'm now in a vicious circle of struggling to earn money running my own business, and the inability to pay relatively small debts is making the existing depression worse, which is affecting my ability to work - and this is going round and round.
I keep saying to myself that i have to pull myself together and do what the rest of the working population manages to but i have been to the brink of suicide and the guilt and pressure is too much for me.

Hi there and welcome

Lots of good people will help you with advice on your financial problems but I came across this thread the other day.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1481361

It may not be your cup of tea but then again, it may help you to be in contact with people in a similar situation.

Wishing you all the best.

qpcpc

Thanks for the replies. I will go through the SOA and put more details up on here. I really appreciate you taking the time to post.

It's hard not to think that i'm really not in that bad a position compared to others on here, but then i go round and round thinking about it and being disappointed in myself.

My current income stream has dropped to very little and i'm having problems building myself up to changing jobs or working harder at my own job. It all feels so pointless but if i think about it i'm not that bad off. I've been on the AD since just before New Year and saw the counsellor for the first time last week

nova

Welcome aboard,!

You're certainly not alone in this, this site has been my absolute saviour, today l had a problem (dca at my door,) l came on here straight away and within minutes l had tons of help. lm not experienced enough yet to give you practical help but l've got a bloody good set of ears.!!!
There's always somebody to help you.
Nova xx

nuttytart26

Hi qpcpc,
I used to suffer from anxiety very badly, panic attacks on the bus and all other sorts of things that sound a little wierd until you have been there. I had a course of hypnotherapy with someone who helped my friend stop smoking, I was a bit weary at first but it has honestly turned my life around and given me the confidence to confront my life and to pay off my debts and deal with all of lifes other nasties. I dont know if this works for everyone but maybe it would help, the first couple of weeks I had to have 3 sessions at £25.00 (I live in Manchester) each but it was worth every penny.

Whatever you decide to do I wish you good health and good luck for the future J x