Readings and vows

rlm_3

Hi all :hello:

I've been lurking on this board since we got engaged at the start of December but have only just set at date for the wedding - 5th September this year.

There are a couple of things related to the ceremony I've been wondering about and I can't find the answers elsewhere, so I thought you wise people would help me out.

With regard to readings...

• Do the people we've asked to do them choose the readings themselves or do we select the readings for them (we're have a civil ceremony if that has any bearing on this)?
• Who do you normally ask to do readings? If you're having two, would it be one family member and one friend? Or is it OK to have two friends? We have identified a friend each who we would like to the readings but we don't want any of the family to feel excluded.

And with regard to the vows...

• My fiance wants us to write our own, and to write them separately. Personally, I think it is a nice idea for us to write our own vows but I know that his are going to be sooo much better than mine (he always writes lovely, heart-felt messages in cards). I've suggested that we write them together and both say the same vows. He reckons that's wierd but surely it is the norm? In all of the weddings we've been to (mostly in church) the bride and groom have said the same thing.

I'd be interested to know what you think!

Cheers,
rlm

nat82

rlm wrote: »

With regard to readings...

• Do the people we've asked to do them choose the readings themselves or do we select the readings for them (we're have a civil ceremony if that has any bearing on this)?

We will be choosing the readings that we want at the ceremony. one's that mean something to us and that we like. I think it's more 'traditional' for the bride and groom to choose but theres no hard and fast rules if you would rather your readers chose them

• Who do you normally ask to do readings? If you're having two, would it be one family member and one friend? Or is it OK to have two friends? We have identified a friend each who we would like to the readings but we don't want any of the family to feel excluded

We have asked one of my close friends (who unfortunately I couldn't ask to be a bridesmaid so have asked to do this instead) to do one reading and OH's Dad to do the other. If you want 2 friends then have 2 friends I say! It's your wedding and if people are going to be offended by something like that then they would just find something else to be offended about! Lol! It's your day - have it the way you want it!

Congratulations!

x x x

MsChazzer

We're choosing our readings, we haven't decided who is going to do the readings but want to make sure they are comfortable with it. We went to a wedding a while back where the bride's mother did the reading and she got quite emotional and couldn't finish it. Whilst I suppose that's par for the course, I felt a bit uncomfortable about it (probably because I was thinking if that was me I'd have found it really difficult) and wouldn't want to put anyone through that. I'm probably being a bit OTT but I just want everyone to have a nice day!

paulinedavies

I agree, I think it's important that the people you have chosen feel comfortable, but I think anyone would be very honoured to be asked.

Minxy_Bella

Two of our children are doing our readings, one is the page boy and the other two are signing the register as witnesses!

Regarding the readings, we chose my one to him out of the book the registrar gave us. His one to me is the lyrics to a song that he holds dear (I think it's a bit..... well....I'm sure it'll be lovely on the day! LOL). We did have to show the lyrics to the superintendant reg just to make sure it wasn't anything about the baby Jesus etc and that was fine!

We also altered a couple of words of the vows, just to make it more special but we had a good choice so were happy.

rlm_3

Hi all

Thanks very much for your input. So whatever we decide we won't be breaking any long-standing, unwritten wedding etiquette - super! It seems that we can do pretty much anything then we like for the readings and vows (as long as it doesn't have religious connotations).

Cheers! :beer:

crystal_fire

rlm i hope you dont mind me hijacking your thread but i was wondering if readings were necessary?

i said no readings but i dont want the ceremony to be too short will the registra do an alternative if we dont?

rosie-lee

crystal_fire wrote: »

rlm i hope you dont mind me hijacking your thread but i was wondering if readings were necessary?

i said no readings but i dont want the ceremony to be too short will the registra do an alternative if we dont?

Readings are not necessary but they do indeed fill out a ceremony.
Each registar pretty much fills out their own ceremony to make it a little longer than just the basic legal requirements.

I must warn you that where we are, the ceremony's of each registrar/celebrant do vary. Some automatically add a reading, others don't. If I were you and wanted the registrar to read anything I would phone and advise them before the ceremony that, that is what you would like. Most are very obliging.

rlm_3

rosie-lee wrote: »

Readings are not necessary but they do indeed fill out a ceremony.
Each registar pretty much fills out their own ceremony to make it a little longer than just the basic legal requirements.

I must warn you that where we are, the ceremony's of each registrar/celebrant do vary. Some automatically add a reading, others don't. If I were you and wanted the registrar to read anything I would phone and advise them before the ceremony that, that is what you would like. Most are very obliging.

We received the information about the ceremony from the registrars yesterday. It included a booklet detailing the basics of what they, and we, will say. This didn't include readings. However, they have also inlcuded a form where we can detail whether we want any additions to the ceremony such as readings or additional words in our vows.

We've decide to have readings because wedding ceremonies traditionally have them, because it is nice to have other people involved in your day and say something special and meaningful, and finally because the ceremony would be really short without them. Even with two readings it won't last more than 30 minutes.