They are not my kids so why do I have to pay?

LizzieS_2

If I'm reading this right, there's 7 children in total:
2 to Kitty's ex
2 to Kitty's partners ex
3 to Kitty & partner

Loopy_Girl

The way I am reading it is that the hubby has 2 with the ex and Kitty has 2 with her ex. Am a bit confused where the other (as she mentions 3 kids to get through Uni) comes from - unless he has an older child with another ex partner.

Another thought occurred to me and particulary with the title of the thread - she doesn't want to pay for his kids but yet is expecting him to support her kids through Uni and he has presumably been financially supporting them whilst they have been growing up as well as emotionally and being a father figure since their own father has decided to have nothing to do with them. Classy. I wonder how she would feel if he thought the way that she did - that his kids come first.

She will be happy though as, since it is on CSA2, it's 'his' money paying for 'his kids'. Wonder if the 'keep' money comes out of her money or more likely I suspect the household pot.

If there was a shaking head emoction I would be using it.

Calvinandhobbs

kelloggs36 wrote: »

Whilst NRPs are not always by choice, being an NRPP is always a choice and they must accept that when they get together with the NRP. The reason that housing costs can be apportioned is to make it fairer - why should a child from the PWC have to have less because the NRP is paying full housing costs where an NRPP is working and actually making a financial contribution towards the household in which they live? OF course they would be paying towards the housing costs and so the NRP's contribution will be less.

I am not being deliberately argumentative, but I have to agree with the above, surely when you make the decision to become the partner of someone with children you have to understand that any financial responsibility they shoulder will involve you?

your partner's past is part and parcel of who they are, the decision to be with them is yours to make

Loopy_Girl

Calvinandhobbs wrote: »

I am not being deliberately argumentative, but I have to agree with the above, surely when you make the decision to become the partner of someone with children you have to understand that any financial responsibility they shoulder will involve you?

your partner's past is part and parcel of who they are, the decision to be with them is yours to make

Of course you do. And if you don't want the hassle or responsibility then you thank them for a lovely evening after the first date and politely decline a second.

It's like me - I'm a single Mum. If I got with a partner I would fully expect him to bear financial responsibility for my daughter just as I would knowingly enter a serious relationship knowing that my hard earned wages would be going on maintenance should he have any kids of his own - that's what you do and if I don't want that then I find a man with no baggage.

I wouldn't see his maintenance as taking money and food out my daughter's mouth, I would just see it as a bill which had to be accounted for each month and you adjust your lifestyle accordingly. And if times are tough then one or both of us take on extra work to generate extra income. You can't expect to be a merged family and decide what 'children' (and by god I use that term loosely in the OP's case) are more needy. The ex could be papering the walls with the stuff - doesn't matter. 2 parents brought the kids into the world and 2 should contribute. God forbid these little tots find out their stepmother thought her own adult 'children' were more important than them at this time.

alison999

Kungfukitty wrote: »

The CSA does not recognise them as children as they are over 18.

Thats because they're not children they're adults.


I just wanted to add that ive supported myself since i was 16, so have many others, living in the real world wont do them any harm. frankly id be ashamed of myself taking money from my parents if i was over 18

LizzieS_2

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

The way I am reading it is that the hubby has 2 with the ex and Kitty has 2 with her ex. Am a bit confused where the other (as she mentions 3 kids to get through Uni) comes from - unless he has an older child with another ex partner.

I had assumed the same until I re-read the thread - posts 13 & 15 refer to 5 children and 7 in the house (initally I had thought Kitty was referring to all the children each of them in total due to the bedroom comment for his children, and as the thread went on forgot the numbers already mentioned and did get 2 & 2 like you). I think Kitty is focusing on the 2 in their home (though technically they live elsewhere anyway) and we are missing the other 3 they've had since. Hope it makes sense!

Loopy_Girl

Is the 'all 7 of us as a family' not referring to 5 kids and the 2 adults?

So we have her 2 'kids' at Uni - so not living at home - his 2 with the ex which she disn't want to pay for as they weren't hers and then this other random one who also must be at Uni as the post today indicated that '3 kids were at Uni'?

Could be wrong mind;)

Loopy_Girl

Oh dear...now I am getting confused as post 44 refers to 'splitting money 4 ways'. Which would make sense as she refers to her children as 'both her children' and I am assuming that he has 2 from the piddling amount that he was originally assessed on and then even when it was increased.

So where do the 5 come from and out of those 5, 3 going to Uni?

Am I being blond here or is the poster being forgetful?

Loopy_Girl

alison999 wrote: »

Thats because they're not children they're adults.


I just wanted to add that ive supported myself since i was 16, so have many others, living in the real world wont do them any harm. frankly id be ashamed of myself taking money from my parents if i was over 18

I had my first mortgage when I was 19 Alison and I would feel like you - mortified if the old dears had to put their hand in their pocket to supplement a lifestyle choice I had made!
I'm 34 now and my Dad still slips me the odd tenner here and there, bless him, even though I say no need but that is a different matter entirely as he is doing it cos he knows I work hard and tells me to treat myself to a bottle of wine (I get 3 with it - god bless Asda!) and I certaintly don't expect it.

When it is going to end? When they get a job, married, have a baby? These things all cost money too...how are they going to learn to budget if Mum has har hand in the purse...if they were that desperate to go to Uni then perhaps one closer to home so that they didn't have to move out would have been better if the accomodation costs are so high.

And if there isn't a Uni near them then they clearly couldn't financially manage to go...I fail to see how £30.00 a month makes a huge difference to them though, it's not even a pound a day:rolleyes:

alison999

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

I had my first mortgage when I was 19 Alison and I would feel like you - mortified if the old dears had to put their hand in their pocket to supplement a lifestyle choice I had made!
I'm 34 now and my Dad still slips me the odd tenner here and there, bless him, even though I say no need but that is a different matter entirely as he is doing it cos he knows I work hard and tells me to treat myself to a bottle of wine (I get 3 with it - god bless Asda!) and I certaintly don't expect it.

When it is going to end? When they get a job, married, have a baby? These things all cost money too...how are they going to learn to budget if Mum has har hand in the purse...if they were that desperate to go to Uni then perhaps one closer to home so that they didn't have to move out would have been better if the accomodation costs are so high.

And if there isn't a Uni near them then they clearly couldn't financially manage to go...I fail to see how £30.00 a month makes a huge difference to them though, it's not even a pound a day:rolleyes:

LOL im only 24 but feel like 40 but in a good way - i have a good head on my shoulders and dream of having the kind of 'problems' some of my friends have (boys) because they know if theyre short mummy or daddy will cough up.

we had our mortgage when i was 17 and my o/h was 25 (no comments on the age gap plz lol i am older then my years and him younger so think we met somewhere in the middle!)

when im at work and see parents paying for their 21+ yr old kids it makes me cringe. today - a 34 years old woman used her dads card to pay... im sorry but WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF????????????!!!!!!!!!! its so hard not to say anyting lol... :cool:

im all for 'rents helping out their kids but these arent kids - theyre adults at uni, unlike the little blighters that his 'ex' is looking after, they cant go out and get jobs etc