Thoughts and tips please

Buddingblonde

I think that I am maybe being a little unfair to OH - he pays the majority of the household expenses (mortgage, CT, insurances, Tv, broadband) and I pay for gas electricity and shopping. We have been together for nearly 7 years and throughout this time he has been the main wage earner (£21,000 to £10,000) so I am reluctant to ask him to contribute more than he already is. I am just wanting to know how best to work with what I have got.
Thanks for the tips and comments - I really appreciate them.

Ax

PS I am not planning on starving either the cats or the man - cats are b*ggers to feed because they can become fussy. A few days with no meat but just biscuits and water is normally enough to get them to eat the supermarkets own food, or whatever has been on special offer!! I am not advocating animal cruelty here.

csarina

Tell your OH if he thinks its cruel to change the cats food to buy it himself along with his breakfast,lunches and fizzy pop, heaven knows what he is doing to his stomach drinking that gut rot.

My daughters sister in law used only to drink coke, she ended up in hospital, she is a diabetic, she overloaded with sugar and went into a coma!!!

Meat is not essential at every meal, we regularly have a couple of meat free days a week, using cheese as a substitue.......so cheese pie, macoroni cheese or cauli and Calebrese gratin.......are regulars on the menu.......

frugalswan

I can understand on the fizzy drink problem. Up until recently, I could quite easily have drank a 2l bottle a day - only difference is that I prefer own brand to branded cola which did make it cheaper. As trite as it sounds, drinking water (and tea or coffee when you do need a kick) is giving me far more energy than I ever had on fizzy drinks. This is only a very recent thing for me though - I don't know how long I'll last.

What did it for me was taking the amount I spent on fizzy drinks a month and putting it into real terms. Tell him that you're spending the equivalent of such and such, and it might jolt him into perhaps branding down.

I do try to reduce the amount of meat used in every dish bulking it out with mushrooms, onions and peppers (and occasionally red lentils or oats), and the DH2B feels good because he's having a healthy meal. That said, I always dish an extra portion to one side for my lunch before it goes onto the plates so it does go a little further.

For example - I bought a pack of chipolatas (just the long thin ones, not the cocktail sausages) and it was a pack of 12. 6 of them made a toad in the hole for us one night, the other 6 went into a spicy sausage pasta dish last night, and a portion of that leftover is going to fill some warmed baguettes with grated cheese on top for both of our lunches today. 3 meals from a pack of sausages.

Best of luck with this, and I hope it helps.

x Frugalswan x

OddjobKIA

feeding your cats a hessian sack and your local river.....now thats cruel

as for you and oh...would you like him saying you should eat meat....instead of telling what to do ask him what he could do..you might get a better result

earwig

i dont think its unreasonable for your oh who works to have his fizz everday not everyone want to live basic lives all the time as for the meat thing try looking for cheeper versions eg instead of chicken breast go for chicken leg ect as for the cats they will soon come round they are quite deveious animals my old cat used to go next door and eat their cats food as it was wiskers where we could only aford happy shopper at the time she done this for years

Buddingblonde

frugalswan wrote: »

I can understand on the fizzy drink problem. Up until recently, I could quite easily have drank a 2l bottle a day - only difference is that I prefer own brand to branded cola which did make it cheaper. As trite as it sounds, drinking water (and tea or coffee when you do need a kick) is giving me far more energy than I ever had on fizzy drinks. This is only a very recent thing for me though - I don't know how long I'll last.
x Frugalswan x

I am the same as you - it used to be diet lemonade at 40p a bottle but then I decided it wasnt doing my tum any good so I switched to diluting juice - it hasnt been difficult and this way I am drinking more water and I am abe to limit the amount of cordial I am using so that I am taking in less and less over time.

Larumbelle

Buddingblonde, I already know I'm going to phrase what I mean really badly, please be assured in advance that I'm not trying to be offensive or rude

I agree with the others who say that, for your budget to work, your other half has to face up to how much all of his little 'habits' add up to - I had to do this with my OH and it was tough right up until he had his own 'discretionary' budget after all of the essentials had already been paid for. In his case it was Sky TV, branded beers and mid-morning snacks from the cafe. Once he realised how much of our budget it all added up to, he decided that pies and baguettes weren't important to him, and he was happy with homebrew. Once he tasted cheaper cuts of meat I asked him if the prime cuts that cost four times more were four times nicer - he had to agree that they weren't so I cut his meat consumption that way. He did want the Sky but agreed that he'd do a little extra overtime to pay for his sports channels. It feels harsh doing it, and cruel if someone is the breadwinner, but at the end of the day you are a TEAM. Yes, he is working hard and earning more, but that shouldn't mean it's an unequal partnership or that you don't have a say in how the FAMILY money is spent. The fact that he's always earnt more is irrelevent, being in a relationship means you share everything and finances is only one of the things that you BOTH contribute to the relationship. It sounds like you are trying to sheild him from finacial realities, which is a natural response but doesn't do any good in the long run. It's all about compromise, there's no need to give things up completely if you have wiggle room to accommodate some of the things he likes to buy, but the current levels are unacceptable if you can't afford thim. Keep a spending diary, work out the budget, then sit him down and show him the effect his habits have on the household cashflow. He doesn't have to like it, but he does have to understand it. Hopefully you can come to an understanding before your job actually finishes.

And don't forget you might well have found another job by then - ignore the media saying there are no jobs, sure there are fewer but new jobs are still being created and someone has to fill them, hopefully it will be you!

Good luck anyway x

Beccatje

Well, you could be sneaky.
Buy supermarket brand cat food and stick that in old packaging of the brand cat food.
Cat's will be fussy for a few days but you'll have no idea why!!??
lol!!

And After they've taken to eating what they're given you can prove bf that you've got a point.

Maybe you two should sit down together and re-work out the bills.
Do a : what comes in, what goes out calculation together, in which you can then also explain that the prices of food and drinks have gone up!

Maybe ask him to make one change at a time. I'm sure it would be quite a shock to him to be asked to give up his fizzy drinks AND his breakfast/lunches at work AND get less meat to eat as well!.. Blimey, I'd be in schock myself!
:rotfl:
So work something out together that he'll go with you on one of the points and you'll leave him be for the others. (for now) Then in a few months time you can review and maybe make another change.

Make the calculation for him as Olliebeak pointed out. I'm sure he'll find that quite a shock as well.

Good luck, and cutting down is never easy.

Buddingblonde

You are of course right - we are a team. And with my job ending in March I am more than aware that there will an uneven financial burden being carried by OH than by me. As a team we know that there is no such thing as 50 50 in a relationship, neither emotionally or financially - sometimes one supports more, sometimes the other. By being in a relationship you accept that this is the case. I may not be the wage earner but I do pull my weight in other areas of the relationship.
When I lose my job he will take over all the bills and the shopping (and he has no problem with this and has been very supportive of me during this period of high stress), I am just trying to save some money between now and then so that we have a little money put by. We dont have huge debts (my personal debt is somewhere around £300 - this will be cleared by april) and if he has £2000 on his credit card that will be all.
I suppose it comes to this - he works in a high pressure job, he doesnt drink, he doesnt smoke, he doesnt go out with friends or spend any money on friverlous things, clothes, bets etc - should I really have to ask him to eat less and drink less?
I suppose this was my last ditch attempt at building a little cash cushion for us - when I lose my job things will be very tight and if I can put a little away to make things a little easier then it is my own contribution to the household.
I know that some will find this a strange attitude (and I wish I could explain it better) but the thought of £ not providing to the relationship is hitting me quite hard emotionally at the moment. I am told I am being silly by OH and that I shouldnt worry but I do and I am.
I am loving all the tips and feedback I am getting here - I know that there are some very sensible heads out there!
Ax

EssexHebridean

I think you've just got to be brutally honest. "I'm sorry but now I've taken a drop in income I can't afford our usual shopping - let's sit down with a list and work out together where we can make savings" That way you involve him in the decision making and hopefully avoid falling out over it.

Re the cats - I'd just cut your losses and change their food - every time ours came back from the cattery she used to refuse to eat anything other than Felix - a couple of days of going hungry soon put her straight though. If your OH objects then the same line as above - state clearly that you can't afford to continue as before.

Good luck!