Opinions on a wedding poem

ikkleosu

My friend has asked me to write and read something during her ceremony. I'm really honoured but I usually write silly comedic poems/pieces so I'm finding it very hard to get the right tone, without being super sloppy as we're not that kind of people. I want it to be sweet and nice and make people smile in a sweet way.

And to explain, the guy's surname is Little, so I thought I'd make the poem a place on that. Also, obviously it still needs some work (it only scans if you put inflections oddly on some lines) but can you guys give me some honest feedback?



The Little Marriage

It's just a piece of paper
A tiny little thing
A single little diamond
On a little golden ring

A little step that follows
Three little well known words
A little special day
In someone's little world

A little word that answers
A question longed to hear
A little date to remember
In every little year

A little repitition
Of a little vow
A little love is promised
For every day from now

A little understanding
A little give and take
A little honour given
And all others to forsake

A little closer together
A little breath apart
A little chord is tied
Around each little heart

For he's her little hero
And she's his little star
And their little love has already
Carried them this far

A little wish is granted
That this love will never fade
And a little kiss exchanged
As a little family's made.

Copyright Dawn Glen 2009.

I hope it doesn't seem like I'm diminishing anything with the "little" idea, I wanted to juxtaposition the hugeness of the day with all the small things that make a marriage/life. Does that idea work at all?

crldnll

I think that is perfect
The whole idea of the juxtaposition is great.

I particularly like..

"For he's her little hero
And she's his little star
And their little love has already
Carried them this far"

It's fantastic, and I'm sure your friend will love it.
Hope it all goes well on the big day

the_rottweiler

Aww is a lovely poem, everyone there will be choked and tearful.

Ds1 was asked to read poem at sil wedding in 2007 and we all got together, chose a beautiful ode and on the day he stood up, clearded his throat and said "There was a young lady called Julie":rotfl: everyone fell about laughing. he then read the proper poem
One of many highlights on a fab day

nat82

I think it's absolutely beautiful! I'm sure your friends will be over the moon.

It's very simple but has so much meaning in it.

Brilliant! Well done!

xxx

twinklyspecialkag

That is really beautiful....just perfect. If i was her id really love it.

sal-ad_daze

It's lovely, brought a tear to my eye!
It's so personal too,they'll love it.

heartofgold_2

:T Weldone,its lovely.

ikkleosu

Thanks so much. I was worried it was too childlike, so glad it's okay.

I have added a couple of verses, as I felt I wanted to add something about being a witness, so the end now reads:

For he's her little hero
And she's his little star
And their little love has already
Carried them this far

The universe won't crumble
The world won't stop and stare
At the little declaration
We're priviliged to share

But these little two have touched out lives
And the least that we can do
Is witness to the romance
Displayed between these two.

But that's it bascially done, thanks all for giving me the confidence to use it. I'm going to print it out as well as read it, so they can have a copy to keep.

nat82

I think it's brilliant. You could always get a nice picture frame to put it in and give it to them that way?

What a fabulous keepsake for their wedding! Well done, again!

x x x