Reality check

sparky25

Only joined forum yesterday (first post "taking a gamble").

Seem to have woken up with a huge reality check this morning. I can't do it. Who am I kidding that I can go bankrupt and maintain the mortgage and two secured loans on my home in the hope of keeping it. They are a large part of why I'm in the mess I'm in.

Just feel like crying all the time. Its like trying to make a decision and not knowing the best one to make. Yeah I could kid myself that I could cope with the 3 debts on the house and something might turn up (might win the lottery - yeah right).

My most frightening thought is where would we live. That absolutely petrifies me. The thought of that - not knowing - is making me feel physically sick.

Got 3 kids who I absolutely adore and I just feel like I have completely let them down. They had a terrible year last year which will have repercussions for years to come. Their dad, my ex, was arrested last year, currently on remand and looking at being away for years. How do I explain that I have now let them down too and we are losing our home. And to top it off, I dont know where we will live.

I earn £1850 a month and something is telling me I wont be entitled to help for housing from either my council or a housing association. Are they going to tell me I earn too much and can afford to rent privately. Renting privately, will they want a bankrupt. Will we have to keep moving every six bloody months.

Like all of you, I cant escape it. Its there in my head every second of the day. I know a lot of people have said once they did it, it was a relief. Just doesnt feel like it will be a relief at the moment.

Sorry to drag everybody down.

DON79

Sparky,

you have not let your kids or yourself down! You are actively trying to sort your situation out so well done! :T

If you have decided that you cannot afford to keep the house and the secured loans going - then stop paying them! It might sound scary but you will not immediately be thrown out for missing payments.

If you are not keeping the house, you need to stop paying for it in order to save up money for a rent deposit and moving costs etc. Repossession will take a minimum of six months.

It is best to get somewhere to rent before going BR and when you do look to rent somewhere, be honest with any letting agent or landlord about your credit rating and check the tenancy agreement for any BR clause before you sign it. Lots of people who are BR rent - it can be done.

Give yourself a fresh start completely! No point in struggling still after you have gone BR - wipe the slate clean and start getting back to enjoying life a little.

Take care

Donna

LilyBart

Sparky,
If it's any help, our little one loves his new rented home. I agree totally with what Donna has said. It's a horrible, horrible feeling when you realise you can't keep things going as they are, but many of us have found that secured loans are the thing that tips us over the edge. Have a cup of coffee and start looking at letting agents. You'll find somewhere nice, even though it may take a while, and most landlords prefer having long-term tenants. Remember, it's less hassle for them too.
Good luck
Lily

ps Another thing you might find helpful is to consider how much of your home you actually "own"? In our case it was maybe one windowsill. Tot up the total of mortgage plus secured loan(s) and you may find you're effectively paying a grossly enlarged rent for 25+ years.

sparky25

Hi Donna,

Thanks for the reply.

One of my secured loans was taking me to court on 12th January with a view to either getting an order to make me pay or repossession. I managed to beg steal and borrow and basically paid it the day before to bring it down to under 2 months so they called it off. It is now set "with liberty to restore".

They did this last year. When I got the letter, the court date was about 3 months off. I'm just worried that this is all going to happen a lot faster than I can anticipate.

Today is a depressing day. Wages went in and already I'm skint. Child benefit due Monday and it will be swallowed up by overdraft.

How can I save money if I dont pay anything. I'm thinking the OR will cease everything if I go ahead with BR. So if I try to save as much as I can, wont he want to know where all my money has gone in, say, the next 3 months. Guess I'm thinking he can turn nasty and say I deliberately drew money out and left all my bills unpaid so I could set myself up for after the BR.

Its my kids that I'm worried for. I just dont know how to tell them and try to explain.

I know if I continue to pay the secured stuff, I can stay in the house due to negative equity. How will it work if I dont pay anything. Do I simply stay in the house until the repossession goes through.

My head is all over the place at the moment.

eklynne

I'm with Lily. Remember, children don't view things through the same eyes as us. A new home, rented or otherwise, can be exciting for kids. Try to see it this way. Kids are resilient and it will do them good to realise that life changes and that change can be for the good. They will definitely see a positive change in their mum when it's all settled. My lass is already talking about what she'd like her new room to be like, and just hearing her sound positive is reminding me that I need to be. I will miss my home when it's gone, been here 13 years, but I'm staying positive that I'll be a happier mum when I'm not at the mercy of a mortgage company.
All the very best of luck to you and your kids

eklynne

LilyBart wrote: »

ps Another thing you might find helpful is to consider how much of your home you actually "own"? In our case it was maybe one windowsill.

What a great way to look at it! :rotfl:
I am lucky if I own a lightswitch!!!

sparky25

Thanks for all the replies. I guess its just facing up to it.

One thing I do see is that for whatever reason, there are so many of us going through this and although I take full responsibility for the mess I'm in, I think its a sad state of affairs when people who work so hard to realise their dreams can have it taken away so easily.

I've already gone through my conversation with the OR in my head. If he dare ask why I got myself into such a state, I will reply "because I was allowed to".

I've got secured loans, unsecured loans and credit cards which were offered to me, some without proof of income, with no regard for my ability to repay. So although I am accountable for the fact that I spent it all, I do think these financial organisations should somehow be held accountable for making it so easy to obtain in the first place.

DON79

I think you should change your bank account and have a fresh start there too! get your wages and child benefit paid into an account where they won't get swallowed up - best open a cooperative account or barclays basic account for post BR life.

If you do stop paying the mortgage and save it up to rent, then the OR can't say anything about it as long as you prove where it went and that it was spent on essential things like providing a roof over your head. You are definitely not going to be the first person the OR has seen who has done this. You will not be deliberately setting yourself up for BR as it seems you have already reached that point.

How old are your kids? Do you have to tell them anything about going BR? Depends on their ages and whether they are of an age to be supportive or too young to understand it all.

If you do stop paying the mortgage and secured loans then you do stay in the house until you have enough money saved up for a rent deposit and full months rent in advance, then just move out. Then you would write a letter to the mortgage company telling them you are voluntary repossessing and ask them where to send the keys back to. The most important bit is that you should never ever sign anything before or after going BR which would still make you liable for the balance owed on the mortgage. They will send you things to sign but basically - don't sign anything.

Have you already had advice from national debtline etc? If not, give them a call and discuss voluntary repossession too and they should be able to help out.

Donna

sparky25

Sadly, Donna, I already bank with the Co-op and a personal loan with them will form part of the BR. So I think my only option is going to be Barclays. But yes, can see the sense in setting up a new bank account.

One thing that does confuse me is if I were to set up a bank account for post BR before the event, I thought the OR froze all bank accounts??

LilyBart

And scan the diaries/posts here about vol repo too.
We haven't told our child (aged 8), but I certainly plan to talk about it as soon as he's of an age to be offered credit.
It's a tough journey, Sparky, and there are a lot of people out there who are quick to condemn, but you will survive.

It's the banks that freeze the accounts. If you explain to your OR that it's a basic account with no credit and has been set up for life post-BR, the OR will phone or fax the bank to say they have no interest in that account. If you're anxious about it, you can withdraw your cash before going to court, just in case of any administrative errors.

tigerfeet2006

sparky25 wrote: »

Hi Donna,

Thanks for the reply.

One of my secured loans was taking me to court on 12th January with a view to either getting an order to make me pay or repossession. I managed to beg steal and borrow and basically paid it the day before to bring it down to under 2 months so they called it off. It is now set "with liberty to restore".

They did this last year. When I got the letter, the court date was about 3 months off. I'm just worried that this is all going to happen a lot faster than I can anticipate. Don't panic to much about this. If you get court letters come on here for help and ring National Debtline.

Today is a depressing day. Wages went in and already I'm skint. Child benefit due Monday and it will be swallowed up by overdraft. Get a new account NOW. Co-op Cashminder can be opened over the phone. Barclays Cash account has to be opened in branch. Both are BR friendly.

How can I save money if I dont pay anything. I'm thinking the OR will cease everything if I go ahead with BR. So if I try to save as much as I can, wont he want to know where all my money has gone in, say, the next 3 months. Guess I'm thinking he can turn nasty and say I deliberately drew money out and left all my bills unpaid so I could set myself up for after the BR. The OR understands about not paying mortgage and debts to save for deposits. Loads of the people on this forum have done it. He doesn't want you to be homeless.

Its my kids that I'm worried for. I just dont know how to tell them and try to explain.

I know if I continue to pay the secured stuff, I can stay in the house due to negative equity. How will it work if I dont pay anything. Do I simply stay in the house until the repossession goes through. You can stay right up to repo. Or move as soon as you have secured a rental property.

My head is all over the place at the moment.

Give Shelter a ring and see if they can talk you through the housing problems. They might be able to suggest if they think you might get council/HA house.

http://www.shelter.org.uk/