Food spend won't reduce no matter how I try!

blueberrypie

SAV3R wrote: »

As I said last night we went to a birthday party with buffet food. DS2 would not eat anything other than grapes, bread was all crusty or rolls which he will not eat, cheese was all fancy no cheddar. He did sit and sulk for a while, I felt so embarassed as our friends did not realise how bad he was. He just refuses to try something new, he knows if he misses a meal he can try at the next. He does restrict our meal times occasionally as I have to try and fit in the foods I know he'll eat some of.

For what it's worth, I have found that for lots of boys (I have six of my own and have childminded and discussed this with friends), the time from about 9 to 11 is often a very "conservative" age. I worried about this more with my first than with my second, and to be honest I think my second is coming around from it faster than my first (ds2 is 11 and appears to be entering the teenage-hoover stage when it comes to food - ds1 is 14 and has been there for a while). Even my 9yo, who has never been picky before, is now the one who's likely to sit down at the table and glare at the food as though willing it to disappear without going near his mouth LOL

My own experience has been that the more fuss I make about foods, the more fuss kids the kids make too. I can't control what they put in their mouths - not without a lot of coercion or bribery or forcing them, and I'm not willing to do that. So I have backed off completely. We make a family meal, planning for leftovers if possible (and especially if I know it's a popular food) - and then whoever wants it, eats it. Those who don't want it are free to make themselves something else instead. That might mean someone has a sandwich or fruit or leftover pasta instead - but they nearly always make a reasonably healthy choice.

I am fortunate in that all of my kids eat lots and lots of fruit (unlike me!)

When we go out, if I think there might not be something they'll eat, I might take along some fruit or breadsticks or whatever so they don't get hungry. Rather than getting involved in a battle over food, especially when we're out somewhere, I just make it clear that I expect them to be polite. They can decline whatever they want, but it has to be a "no thank you" - not a "yeuch! I'm not eating *that* rubbish!" LOL

Re the grocery budget - you are spending about the same as we do, but we have more children. I think the earlier suggestion to try making a "cheapie" meal a couple of times a week is a good one - homemade beans, for example, cost very little, as does homemade pizza (let people top their own and use up the last of whatever's in the fridge). Pasta is also cheap, and most kids will eat it in some form - there are so many shapes and sauces. If you've space in your freezer/cupboards, take advantage of special offers and clearance prices. As someone else mentioned, roasts of meat are expensive - do you have a slow cooker? You can put cheaper cuts in that and get meals that are just as tasty.

SAV3R

dealwithdebtdot wrote: »

Sorry to hear that you felt embarrassed. Just wondering if he went to bed hungry, or did you give him food that he really wanted when you got home?

"He just refuses to try something new, he knows if he misses a meal he can try at the next." -not sure what you mean by this, the 'if he misses a meal' thing? Are there times when he goes without food due to his refusal?

He did have a slice of toast, I cannot let him go to bed completely without food. When he was younger he was a lot worse, I spoke to a health visitor about him , she said not to offer alternatives, he would eat if he was hungry enough. I only tried it a couple of times and he would miss a meal, I didn't like this idea at all.

I do not have a slow cooker, but have been considering it for a while. I am worried about buying one and then not using it, I have done this in the past with gadgets. I do not have a lot of worktop / cupboard space for unused items, also I am not very orgainsed in a morning before doing the school run and going to work, am I right in thinking all meats need browning before cooking in a slow cooker?

thriftlady_2

SAV3R wrote: »

I desparately need to lose weight this year, so we do eat a lot of fresh fruit, veg and salads - I agree its expensive. Not very green fingered but its a good idea to learn and grow our own.

It is only expensive you're buying lots of out of season, imported fruit and veg. Also bagged salads are expensive.

Don't be fooled into thinking that you have to eat salad to be healthy. You do need to eat fruit and veg of course but it doesn't have to be expensive.

At this time of the year think -carrots, leeks, cabbage (green, white and red), other root veg, onions, apples, citrus are cheapish at the moment despite being an import, bananas too. Don't forget dried fruits -raisins and sultanas rather than cherries and cranberries. Tinned fruit in juice is good value as are tinned tomatoes. Frozen peas and sweetcorn are a mainstay of my family's diet.

I make winter salads of red cabbage, chicory, carrot, apple, onion and dried fruit.

Also try sprouting your own beansprouts. There's a thread about it on this board. It is easy to do and cheap-a bag of mung beans lasts forever. You get a fresh, crunchy salad crop filled with vitamins. Grow mustard and cress on some kitchen paper for more fresh green stuff.

blueberrypie

SAV3R wrote: »

I do not have a slow cooker, but have been considering it for a while. I am worried about buying one and then not using it, I have done this in the past with gadgets. I do not have a lot of worktop / cupboard space for unused items, also I am not very orgainsed in a morning before doing the school run and going to work, am I right in thinking all meats need browning before cooking in a slow cooker?

You don't *need* to brown them - some people feel it improves the results, others feel it doesn't make a noticeable difference. But if you want to brown them, there's no reason why you shouldn't do it the night before, refrigerate them overnight, then start them in the slow cooker next morning.

You can get a slow cooker quite cheaply - but ask on your local freecycle list first!

dealwithdebtdot

SAV3R wrote: »

I cannot let him go to bed completely without food. When he was younger he was a lot worse, I spoke to a health visitor about him, she said not to offer alternatives, he would eat if he was hungry enough.

I really do know its hard, but I agree with the health visitor. From a psychological perspective, as well as a nutritional one.

My ex mother in law, thought it was alright to give my daughter chocolate buttons when she refused other food. Guess what she started to refuse more and more food when she was with her, to get her chocolate buttons. Whilst at home she was eating pretty much everything.

I think you have got into a cycle with him, that is reinforcing (making the behaviour more likely) to you both. Think of the child who throws a tantrum in the supermarket. Mum gives child sweets to stop them having the tantrum=child gets sweets, and mum stops being embarrassed and is able to get the shopping done without disaprroval from onlookers and in peace. Bingo, everytime they go to the supermarket kid throws a tantrum and mum gives sweets (both mother and child are reinforced). Unfortunatley the only way to deal with it is, not go to the supermarket with the child or ride it out! I would always recommend riding it out.

My experince as a mother and a professional is that children will eat a very many things if they are hungry and we, including children can live without ill effect without food for quite a long time.

I agree with the other poster, not to make too much fuss as that initself can be reinforcing.

it would be a hard step, but making some strict rules about food will help him in the longrun its the balance between the short-term assurance that he has a sufficeint amount of calories daily and you not worrying about him, and the long-term gain of a balanced diet, that will help in your families meal times and budget and ensuring he is not socailly excluded and you not being embarrassed and worried.

If he got invited to someones for his tea after school, what would happen? my guess would be it would be difficult for the people providing him with food, he would return home and want his 'fussy' meal and be less likely to be invited back. (It is too stressful for you all, you have already provided food for the rest of your family for a start, let alone the wondering if he has had something to eat while he is there and how it all is for him, etc.) Thats how it might be now, but how might it look in the future? My chocolate button feeding ex mother in law's son, my ex, would only eat out if there was steak and chips on the menu, excluding us from lots of places and we couldn't go out for sunday lunch with out a fuss because all he would eat was meat and pottoes and no gravy. Going for dinner parties was a complete no-no.

mypet62

do not give up with your son, he will get there with time. Ideas for you all you know the spuds that have started to sprout well plant them in a bucket of compost and in a few months you will have your own spuds! My 70 plus dad has been doing this for years and they had new hom grown spuds for christmas:)

Trow

When I was having trouble with fussy kids (not as much trouble as you are having though, I do sympathise) I started doing puddings regularly, and if they didn't eat a reasonable amount of their dinner (which usually meant at least half of everything, unless there was something they really genuinely didn't like), they didn't get pudding.

Pudding could be easy like angel delight, or ice cream, or more complicated like hm rice pudding or a microwave sponge pudding - which is really cheap and easy to make. They got over their fussy faze really quickly. And I didn't ever tell them if there was going to be pudding that day or not, so they would eat just in case...

The one thing you have to do, however you tackle it, is be consistent. If you let him off once because you feel sorry for him/he has made a big fuss, then he knows you will do it again. You have to be strict with yourself, and ultimately what you are doing is for his benefit, long term, both for health and for social reasons - despite the fact he doesn't see it like that. And to be honest, the sooner you deal with it, the easier it will be for you both.

Stay strong!

onetomany

hi, you maY find that by cooking in the slow cooker he might eat more, (because the smell last all day im starving by tea time, also i chuck anything in today the kids have got sauages, carrots leaks, mushrooms etc and i just said its a sasage cassorole i will put with mash spuds, (youngest wouldnt eat the veg any other way, im always hidding lentils etc in my sc), also have you treid getting your son to help with the cooking my 12 year old loves it, not sure about the bread got my bm yesterday and youngest wouldnt touch it so im gonna keep trying good luck hun

lilac_lady

Frozen vegetables are usually cheaper than fresh ones and are fine especially if you're using them for making soup. Boxes of frozen berry fruits from Farmfoods or Iceland are much cheaper than supermarket ones so why not try some frozen alternatives?

Most supermarkets reduce produce later in the day so try shopping an hour before closing to pick up a few bargains.

As far as children being fussy about food, one of my sons was, and still is (he's 30+) but turned out to be a 6ft healthy specimen!

bagpuss11_2

Have you got a market close by where you could get your meat and veg which tends to be cheaper than the supermarkets?

As per the previous posts, a slow cooker is good, and means you can buy the cheaper cuts of meat. I have done it before without browning and still tastes fine. Less hassle as you just bung it all in and leave it all day, and the meat is so tender and falls off the bone.

We have cheap days of eating within the week. Usually soup and bread, tuna pasta mixed with a tin of tomato soup, or having a meat free day by using chickpeas in the curry rather than curry. OH loves his meat, but he accepts it.

We use vouchers when shopping at Tesco's, but Asda no longer accept them.