I worked out our debt yesterday

kersplatt

And it is huuuuuge - £37853:eek: - a combined years salary for us. We had a similar amount until about 4yrs ago and we worked really hard to get it down but then we lapsed and my DH convinced me that things would be easier now so we could relax - unfortunately a little too much. Now we're pretty much back where we were 4yrs ago. I have confronted DH with a SOA and although he accepts that we have to pay off the debt, he doesn't want to 'make our lives hard' by doing it. Personally I would rather bite the bullet, live off lentils and have a much reduced 'lifestyle' for a couple of years than champagne lifestyle coca cola pocket if you know what I mean. We have two small children and I can vividly remember my own parents not being able to afford to buy fresh milk or toilet paper when I was 5, and although character building, it's not something I want to have to put them through.

How can I go about convincing DH that our focus should be clearing debt and what would be the best way to do it? DH has been ignoring the issues for a while - he wasn't 'aware' that he had a CCJ against him from 5yrs ago until he did a credit score last month :rolleyes: head in sand mentality unfortunately

MrsPitcher2b

Hey hun

Sorry im not as advanced as all the others on here so cant offer you much useful advice on how to help. But if you post up your SOA (Statement of affairs) by clickin this link

http://www.britishinvasion.co.uk/soa/soaedit.php

Then many people will try and help you on how to cut back. Does your DH know how much debt you are in? Maybe if you actually show him he will have to face up to it?

kersplatt

Hi MrsPitcher, yes he does know. I bought a large hardbacked book - tesco value and wrote out all of our outstanding balances, incomings and outgoings. He just doesn't want it to be an obsessive money saving effort - read I hate the debt, DH can live with it as long as he doesn't have to see it and can still have money to waste.

About the only financial thing I can control is our food expenditure. All of the debt, pretty much, is in my name because I'm forever making up the difference when he runs out lof money when buying unnecessary things - eg new camera, cooker and dining room set were all deemed 'essentials' in the past month

happylife

I hope you can both sit down and sort this mounting debt out, as it's clearly getting out of hand.

Show him the SOA and what it's adding each month to the debt..

It's really strange how husbands work. My Wife is the one who is the spend spend spend person and I'm always complaining we don't need it :mad:


Give him a ticking off,,, Good luck in 2009!!

Lewby

Hi. Glad I'm not the only one making a return having cleared some debt and letting it build up again! It's actually a really good feeling being back in control - no matter how big the debt is it's just great to be prepared to know how much you owe and be clear in your own mind that it's only going to decrease!!

I know how hard it is to have an OH who lives for today. I have always given in and hence we are massively in debt. He has committed to helping me get to our debt free date in 2012 but whether he can maintain it we'll see. I will keep showing him the records of the debt reducing and I hope that will help him stay the course. He says he doesn't mind living a DFW lifestyle if he knows there is and end to it!

Good luck with your journey.

Lewby xx

In_Search_Of_Me

sorry that youre here again but at least you know that you can do it! Tomorrow is a whole new year...maybe show oh how much interest he's paying? Mayne sit down and sort what can be a happy medium for you both?

Fire_Fox

Does your DH agree in principle that your debts need paying off? Does he appreciate you are very upset/ worried about your current situation? Does he have a time frame that he would be comfortable with paying off the debts? Does he have a minimum amount of spending money in mind? Does he know/ care how much interest you are paying in total? Are any of his answers compatible with your actual Statement of Affairs and Snowball date?

The reason I ask is that men often respond well to asking open questions, not those which are actually a statement or with only a yes or no response possible (they usually seem to say no!).

Asking them what they think or want to do about the problem can be very effective. Don't convince him, let him convince himself. At the very least stop saying yes to his 'I wants' and stop bailing him out. Why can you not control anything except the food budget? Make sure he is very clear that if you have bailiffs at your door or lose your home, he will lose you and the children too.

taxi73

Sorry to hear that you are in that same situation again.Whereas you've had your LB moment again your DH doesn't seem to have had his which is a shame.
The only thing you can do is persuade him(but let him think it's his idea) to be as committed as you are.I wouldn't bail him out either.You really do need him on your side though.
Is there anyway you can take control of all the finances and give him pocket money..that seems to work in our house.